(Closed) Blended and step families.

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

View original reply
stephaniee24 :  I am not a bonus mom, or a child to step parents, but I have friends and relatives who are. It is not for everyone. It can be a struggle, but at the end of the day as long as the child is loved, that’s what matters! I also just wanted to share, if you’ve never seen the movie “Daddy’s home” you should watch it! It is all about the struggle of becoming a step-dad and having the bio dad come back in the picture. It is a comedy, but can be relatable to your situation.

Post # 4
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I am a bonus Mom to 4 kids and I have 1 bio! It’s a hard balance for sure. There are things I would change for sure but overall I am very happy to be in their lives and them in mine! Our kids get along great which I think is awesome and helped the transition. It is really hard with boundaries though. We parent differently as it is so that makes things even trickier for his kids when they are with us. Also, his ex is ruthless she didn’t let us have the kids for our wedding…so that makes thing hard as well!

I’m not sure if I would sign up for 4 kids again lol but I sure do love them!

 

Post # 5
Member
2153 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m a soon to be stepmom. 

My advice is to just keep communication lines as open as possible with your DH. Things I have read, and advice I have been given, is that it is so, so easy to let resentment sneak in when you have a blended family scenario.  You’ve not only taken on children from another relationship, but the ex, the ex’s family, that family’s holiday schedule, their wants/needs/expectations, etc.

It’s tough to be involved and have your hands tied at the same time, especially if it’s a situation where the bio parents (mom in this case) has strong opinions about you, your household, your DH, her child.

Hang in there! It is not for the faint of heart, but it does come with some great rewards!

Post # 6
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

My Fiance has a kid. I am not thrilled but I love him so I have to learn to love his son too. I knew he had a child when we met but it didn’t matter because it wasn’t a serious relationship if you know what I mean. I do not like for people to say he is my son because he isn’t. He already has a mom and I only see him in the summer anyways. I try real hard to be nice to him.

Post # 7
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have a daughter from my first marriage. My ex husband is a pretty absent father in that he sees our daughter once a year. So my new husband has raised her from the time she was 4. She is now 13 and recently said to me “I know I’m not technically related to (stepdad), but you’d never know it- I take after him a lot.” They have always gotten along. We did have some issues when we had a new child and the oldest felt jealous and we went to family counseling to work on making our family unit work the best way possible. It is a work in progress and we all have to work at it.

Post # 8
Member
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2005

DH and I have a blended family. He came into the marriage with a small daughter. She was 3 when I became her bonus mom, I also have a son from a previous marriage and we have a daughter together.

Essentially I have been her mother for so long she doesnt remember her real mom very much. She isnt around much. I do all the school functions, doctors appointments, clothes shopping and basically doing all the things a bio mom does. Also my son was 3 when DH and I married. So we literally have kids the same age who grew up together and our daughter. We dont treat any of them any differently. DD calls me mom, and my son calls him Dad. 

Best advice is to treat each kid as an individual child and not an extension of your spouse. Like DH’s DD is no different than if she had been born biologically mine. Same with my son. I think its perhaps easier for us because our children were so small when we got together, but the advice still holds. Treat them as individuals and do your best to meet their needs regardless of all else thats going on. Its advice we live by. 

Post # 9
Member
2668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I have a step mother. I have 2 full sisters and 2 half brothers – I consider them all equally my siblings, and I’m sure they feel the same. Our situation is probably a little different, as I was 17 when my dad and step mother got married – she has never tried to take the place of my bio mum nor has she taken a backseat as a parent. It’s hard to explain, but she’s definitely a mother figure for me and I’m so lucky to have her be a part of my family. Whenever she’s asked how many children she has, she always says 5 – I like that she’s never treated my sisters or I differently to her own bio kids (one of my sisters is only 13 and lives with them full time, the other lives out of home now like me). I’m sure it was hard on her in the beginning, but my dad was very up front about the fact he had kids. I was actually glad my parents divorced – they didn’t get along at all and it was making life at home pretty miserable. They’re both so much happier now and I have my little brothers, so I really don’t think I’d change anything about my family.

Post # 10
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2002

There’s a good board over at Dwil,  called stepparents the original,  I highly recommend reading there before going down this path.

Post # 12
Member
4411 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I have 2 kids, so Fiance will be their step dad. They have a wonderful bio dad, and Fiance has never had the pressure of filling those shoes. But he totally fills his own niche in our family and in the lives of our children. He is very involved in all family activities and is a great male role model. We have none of the drama that so frequently occurs with this kind of family dynamic and for that we are super blessed!

Post # 13
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2002

View original reply
stephaniee24 :  it stands for dealing with the in-laws,  these are forums on baby center . com. 

There is a step parent board where you can see a very realistic view of life as a step parent

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