- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 1999
Hi Bees. I’m having some issues with how things can be done when oyu have a blended family. My mum and dad seperated when I was 12 and my mum got in to another relationship when I was 16, then married who is now my step dad a few years back. My biological father passed away a couple years ago, and although I always had a close relationship with him I now view my step father as a fatherly figure in my life. i’ve always gotten on really well with him. I don’t have a close relationship with my mum – if anything, step dad plays peace maker between us at least once a month.
Fiance and I are now planning our wedding and the issue of having a whole step family is making certain things difficult – I’d love to know how others have worked it out.
First, there’s the issue of being given away. Traditionally it shoudl be my father, but he’s no longer with us. so you might say it falls to my mum, but we aren’t close. Our relationship is so rocky that I actually feel awkward at the thought of her giving me away. I love her, but it doesn’t feel like it fits. It feels more natural for my step dad to give me away. I’m worried my mum will take offence to this, but I was going to suggest that I wanted it to be a fatherly figure who gave me away, and that obviously she will be Mother of the Bride and that in itself is a special role.
The other issues comes with speeches at the breakfast. Traditionally, the father of the bride would speak. Part of me feels I should ask my mum to speak but again I’d feel more comfortable my step dad speaking – he’s been in my life since I was a young teenager. He is like a second father to me. Does the responsibility fall to him?
Please help. How do I work this through? I’m marrying another woman so the traditional gender roles are already blurred so I can’t even fall back on that.