(Closed) Blending families? What will the kids call you?

posted 8 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
57 posts
Worker bee

@Happy7:  Hi!  I am kinda in your boat, I have a son, my Fiance doesn’t have children.  I posted something here a few months ago when me and my Fiance were still doing our pre-marital counseling.  The counselor was asking what my son would call my Fiance, and she tried to suggest a few names that my son could use.  Instead we decided to ask my son and he said step dad.  Still not so sure because we plan to have children, and I don’t want them to be confused. I’m interested in what some of the Bees suggest!


Post # 4
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2005

Well, our family is a little different.  I didn’t have any children and my husband had 3 coming into the marriage. 

My oldest step son is a year older than me and never lived with us and he calls me by my first name and introduces me as his father’s wife.

The other 2, a boy and a girl, both lived with us until they turned 18 and moved out.  They both introduce me as their mother, not step mother.  Yet they both call me Sum, which is short for Summer.  They both call my mother G-Ma and she thinks that is pretty cool.  They each chose to call me what they were comfortable with and never anything I pressured them in to. 

We now have 2 little boys together and obviously they call us mom and dad and their older siblings brothers and sisters. 

Post # 5
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

My daughter is 11, will turn 12 in 2 months.  She has a dad, who lives in another state, but she sees him a could times a year and he is “semi-present” for all intents and purposes.

She calls Fiance by his first name and she will continue to do so after we are married.  I think that’s a product of her age, the tween years and all…….  I forsee that he will be more of a “dad” than her dad will be (in the practical sense), but we both feel she should do whatever she’s comfortable with.  If she had to introduce him in a relational way she would say “those are my parents” or “that is my mom’s husband”.

I did have a guy friend that I went to grad-school with who was getting married and had a daughter.  The new wife/step-mom and his daughter called each other “bonus” which I thought was super cute.  but the girl was much younger…. like 5 or 6.   So, the step-mom would introduce her step-daughter as “and this is my bonus daughter, Jasmine”.

My daughter calls her dad’s wife “step-mom” and will also say “those are my parents”.  I think she is more comfortable calling her dad’s wife “step-mom” because OUR relationship is much more secure.  I think she feels like her relationship with her dad is tenuous, at best, and he would be upset if she referenced my Fiance as any part of “dad”. 

I know lots of step-kids will call their step-parent “Mom Staci” or “Dad Roger”.  That seems to be a nice blend.

Post # 6
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Well my parents are divorced and remarried. My mom is on her 3rd and longest marriage. Her 2n husband she married when my sister was around 6 maybe 7. She was little and impressionable so he convinced her to call him dad. This was horrible in my eyes and in the rest of my families eyes since we already have a perfectly good dad. That marriage lasted 2 years.

My dad remarried when I was 11 and my sis was 9. We call my step moms parents by their names, Bob & Linda. My step mom will never be anything to me other than her name, “Mary Ann”.

She married husband # 3 when I was 12 and my sister was 10. We are very close to his parents, so we call them Gma & Gpa. The past 2 years my mom will say something along the lines of “go ask your dad” and we know she is talking about my step dad. If she would have dared call him our dad during the first few years of our relationship, it would have been a serious problem. But since he has raised us, been there for us, every day for the past 11 years, it’s ok for her to say that occasionally. But no matter how much he does for us-he is not my dad.

For little children under the age of 5 or 6, I can understand them calling the step parent “mom or dad” because it is easy for their little minds to get confused and not understand the “step” element. But to call someone other than your parent mom or dad, I think is pretty disrespectful to their parent. Unless the first parent is ok with the step parent being called mom or dad.

That’s just one opinion from a child of blended families. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 7
7995 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

My daughter calls DH by his first name.  She has a dad, so calling her step-father  “dad” would be a little insulting to her bio dad. 

Post # 8
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My daughter calls my fiance by his first name. She also calls him “my best friend,” haha. They’re very close; it’s sweet. She calls his parents by their first names, as well. Very recently, she has started referring to my fiance as her “other dad.” She’s only 3, so I think in time she will be comfortable calling him just “dad,” but since her birth father is present in her life, that could get complicated. We’ll see what happens.

Post # 9
380 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I have 1 son & my Fiance has a son & a daughter.  Both the boys are 4 & his daughter is 1.  My son use to call my Fiance by his 1st name, but the more he was around my FI’s kids, he started calling him dad.  My FI’s son originally called me by my 1st name, but after moving in with us, I am now mom.  As for lil girl I have always been mom.   We have never pushed the issue of being called mom/dad, the kids started doing it on their own.  Yes they know who their biological parents are, but they have taken to calling the missing parent by thier first names.  My son even calls his sperm donors parents by their first names.  Again the kids all did this on their own.  I can’t wait to one day make our family a “Yours, Mine, & Ours” family.  (Well someone has to get a certain snip job undone first, BUT he is totally willing to!)

Post # 10
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I have one daughter, and she calls Fiance by his first name (she is 3 and I can see this changing in the future).

Fiance has triplets.  One calls me “Mama Amber” and the other two just use my first name.

We have and will always let them use what they are comfortable with.  I was raised with a stepdad who I always called by his first name, although they somewhat tried to pressure me into calling him dad.  I never want my kids to feel that pressure.

Post # 11
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

FI’s son is 11 and he calls me Allie, short for Allison.  His “mom” is in his life, but I am closer to him than she is. I am leaving it up to him to decide if he ever feels comfortable enough to call me anything else.  

Post # 12
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My husband has 2 daughters from his previous marriage.  Both of them call me by my first name and I’m okay with that (knowing that their mom doesn’t really like me, LOL).  I call them by their first name and every time I refer them to my friends I would say “my husband’s daughter.”  They come to live with us only twice a month so we’re not that close and I think that’s okay.  My husband and I have a little boy together and he gets along with his sisters very well :-).

Post # 13
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I have a 13 year old son and Fiance has a 13 year old daughter. The kids have always called us (the step-parents) by our first names. It works for us.

Post # 14
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

My mom is remarried (to like the awesomest guy ever) and I had a hard time trying to come up with a nick-name for him that sounded paternal but wouldn’t upset my dad. My step-dad’s favorite movie is the Big Lebowski and he jokingly one day told me to call him “The Dude”, and it has actually stuck. This is made doubly hilarious because he, unlike The Dude, is not laid back at all. But this was decided while I was in my twenties so I have no experience in how kids want to go about it.

Post # 15
3088 posts
Sugar bee

I have a 3 and 4 year old and they will be calling my future hubby Mr. LastName.  Their dad is very much involved. No offense to anyone, but I have never been comfortable with kids and the first name basis thing. 

Post # 16
709 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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I’m sorry… but you’re not comfortable having your kids call your HUSBAND by his first name??

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