(Closed) Blending families…

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’m sorry you’re going through this.  My husband’s and my worst arguements have been over “fairness” and blending our family.  I’m sure it makes it even harder if he doesn’t want to be involved in your side.  I don’t really think you were out of line, but maybe make some suggestions about how you think it would be more fair.  Maybe someone from his side does the ceremony, but your side does the readings or something like that.

Post # 4
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Ow.  It’s unfrotunate that he didn’t appreciate that you were trying to avoid hurting someone’s feelings – not griping about things being fair.

Agree that the blending bit can be tough – especially if there are certain unacknowledged assumptions getting in the way.  Has the pattern in your FI’s family been for his clan to become sort of the “primary” group? That is, do the wives and husbands of his brothers and isters wind up being absorbed into his extended family because more time is spent with them?  Or do the married folk split time evenly? 

Post # 5
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Sorry you are going through this – but you are not alone!  Most of my married friends have admitted to me that they are closer to one side  – sometimes it is becuase of geography or just becuase they have more in common with one side.  I think it is more important to spend quality time with both sides and try to make everyone included.  It doesn’t have to be exactly equal.  Maybe doing the readings would mean more to one side than the other.  And maybe one side really wants to help you with the planning process.  I think this is something that you learn and sort out as you go.  You are doing a great job trying to be mindful of everyone’s feelings 🙂

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