(Closed) Blind Trust is not Trust

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 153
Member
2312 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

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@KatyElle: 

Mine would probably be like, Are you crazy? Here, look, then quit being insane, and I’d feel dumb and never ask again. 

NOT SAYING IF YOU DO THIS YOU ARE CRAZY. Just that my FH would regard me as crazy if I did it. 

Post # 154
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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@ohheavenlyday: I do think there is a huge difference in those conversations, and I think most people picture the later “Why are you talking to a friends wife” within this topic.

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@Just_Squeeze: OP, I’m bowing out. Stuff to do, people coming over, great post though!

Post # 155
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

I give all people the benefit of the doubt along the lines of trust. I trust my husband, since he has never done anything to break that level of trust, so I feel no need or desire to check on him, ask questions etc. You can call it what you want, but I just call it trust. I don’t consider it blind trust. Just trust-period.

 

Post # 156
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I only got through the first page of posts, but I definitely agree with the OP.  I’m not one to check up on anything, but I know all of my husband’s passwords, and he knows all of mine.  I’m on his phone all the time because it takes better pictures than mine.  He’ll grab mine if it’s closer and he wants to check the weather or something.  We have nothing to hide.  However, I don’t go purposely looking for red flags.  I would never open his text messages or email if I wasn’t suspecting anything.  I rarely go on his facebook, unless I want to stalk a friend of his that isn’t on my facebook (usually looking at their pictures.  I’m picture obsessed!).  But if there was something that was suspicious, I don’t think I should have to feel guilty asking.  

There are times when I think women AND men take things too far when questioning their SO.  For example, a coworker was dating this girl for almost a year, when she suddenly started going through his text messages.  She would text or call people back in his phone just because they were a girl even if the conversation was totally innocent.  (Which I read the texts she went nuts over and they were innocent- like one of my coworkers asking him to text her schedule).  She texted the girls calling them sluts and accused them of trying to steal her man.  She even came into where we work one night and called the girl a slut and threatened to hurt her.  That’s taking it a little too far and definitely a bit crazy.  

Post # 157
Member
5842 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

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@ohheavenlyday: Yeah I would get some serious side eye. If the situation were reversed I would never be like “See, look at my phone, its Tammy!”. (Is anyone else assuming this is Tami Taylor and experiencing sudden hair jealousy? No, just me?) That would also get the side eye because I’m pretty sure DH has zero interest in seeing my text convos.

Post # 158
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

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@Gemstone: “I think it’s also worth mentioning that what’s the “right” way to handle these situations is different for every relationship. And as long as the couple finds a way to communicate and trust each other that works best for them — that’s great. 🙂 “

I think that is key. Couples should be on the same page.

Post # 160
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Ok now that I’ve read through all the posts I don’t think we are all on the same page as to what blind trust means.  To me, blind trust is that I don’t even need DH’s email password because I have no reason to look.  I believe that’s different than ignorance is bliss.  If for some reason I needed to, DH would give it to me and that’s all I need to know.  It sounds like

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@Just_Squeeze: and a few others are thinking something different.  I do not think blind trust = ignorance is bliss.

Post # 161
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Just_Squeeze: I didn’t read the whole thread, but I agree with you 100%.  Very well put!

Post # 162
Member
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

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@faye0314: umm yeah, that is taking it way too far!!

Haha, I remember when my hubs friend Shannon text him at like 1am on a weekend one time, before I met him. He was in the other room, so he asked me to check and I was like, “WTF is Shannon texting you this late?” He replied, “Did you read the text or just look at the name….maybe you should look at the text”. Yeah, it was his male friend Shannon, another car guy like hubs. Haha, he made fun of my for a few days, and when I finally met Shannon, he told him that I was threatened by him 🙂

Post # 163
Member
9815 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@ohheavenlyday: Honestly, my husband would show me the text and that wouldn’t be a problem, but I know it would cause hurt and tension if I said “I don’t know who Tammy is, show me the conversation.”

Same as if I was going to lunch with a girl friend of mine from work who he didn’t know. What if I got home and he said “Where were you this afternoon?” “I went to lunch with my friend Suzy from work.” “I’ve never met Suzy. Call her right now and ask her the name of the restaurant you went to.”

That would not fly in our marriage.

Post # 165
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@Gemstone:  The best part is the girlfriend is like 5′-0″ and weighs less than 100 pounds.  The girl she was threatening is about 5′-8″ and 140.  Um, who is going to win in that fight?  

Post # 166
Member
3135 posts
Sugar bee

@Just_Squeeze:

Thank you 

Thank you

Thank you

I completely agree with this 100%

 

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