(Closed) Stay at home mom vs working mom?

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
Post # 47
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

 

@foodnerd81: I totally agree and this is why i stay at home with my son. It made no sense for me to work and have my whole paycheck go to daycare. The prices are insane!! Plus we didn’t feel comfortable leaving a newborn with someone it just didn’t feel right.

Post # 48
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would want to keep working, because I love my job.  I would absolutely not want to stay home all day with kids — I’d be out of my mind!  I also think when women stay home and men work, the men think they are the ones doing all the hard work and that they do not have any responsibility toward taking care of the kids.  I see this a lot with friends of mine who stay at home while their husbands work.

Post # 50
Member
2814 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yes. I would be a Stay-At-Home Mom in a heartbeat. There is nothing in my life that I have found more fufilling than being at home with my daughter, keeping up the house and having supper ready when hubs gets home.

When my daughter is older, I may feel differently, and work part time..but for now, I wouldn’t pass of a chance to be at home with her.

Post # 51
Member
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@JewishBride:  I so agree with your last sentence. Feminism is all about being able to make that choice and not be forced to stay at home because that’s what society used to dictate. I feel a lot of freedom in being able to choose to be a working mom or stay at home one.

I would like to work part time. Hopefully after I get my Master’s, I will have a job that gives me the freedom to create my own schedule and that way I dont have to sacrifice the career I am working towards, nor do I have to sacrifice time with family. Part time would be the best of both worlds for me.

Post # 52
Member
7897 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I work full time and have 2 daughters.  I would never want to be a full time Stay-At-Home Mom, but I would prefer to work 3 days a week but it is not possible in my current job.  I was writing checks to day care this morning and it is a LOT.  Darling Husband makes enough that I could stay home if I wanted to, but we have not found a balance yet. 

Post # 53
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Fiance works full time and im a Stay-At-Home Mom to our 19 month old daughter, originally i said i would go back to work once she was a year old but i love being a mother and Fiance says he prefers me to bring her up. i think he enjoys the fact the house is always clean and the jobs are all taken care of, if i went back to work childcare would take the majority of my earnings so it seems worthwhile to stay home. 

our relationship and lifestyle seems a lot more chilled out as opposed to when we were both working and in education. 

x

Post # 54
Member
1329 posts
Bumble bee

I have done both. In my opinion, staying at home is the best thing for the kids. Nannies, babysitters, grandparents etc, while wonderful and hopefully reliable (but not always) are not the mom or dad. Before I get flamed to hell, let me explain 🙂

 

I have three children. My oldest son was in YMCA daycare and also grandparent watched him while I finished school. I had to get some sort of education, so  I felt I didnt have a choice. I also worked part time. He was incredibly clumsy and always seemed to be knocking something. So I spent some time leaving school and work to care for him. Going back to work after is tough-very tough. The guilt is gut-wrenching.

My middle son had a wonderful nanny as  I went back to work at 2 months. I worked part time still until my kids were in pre-school and my exh was with him as he he worked shiftwork.

 

My daughter was very clingy and I returned to work full time when she was two. She has had some ongoing issues that I have posted about here and I am now working from home (and have for the last 2 years) setting aside worknig for the biggest firm in my field in Canada to be there for my kids.

The difference in the relationship with my children is astounding. I have a lot more time for them (working all day, rushing a dinner, rushing homework and then tucking into bed) leave little time for quality time. While I know not everyone can do this, stayin home is wonderful. There are so many ways to earn income from home part time while raising kids that to me, having quality moments nad raising your children the way you want takes presidence over money, if you can make it work.

I am a very high-energy individual and yes, I got bored sometimes. But  I sold Tupperware, MaryKay, and a bunch of other stuff to get the heck out of the house and earn some free money.

When I was working full time people always would go “Oh my gosh ,how do you do it…work and have three kids and be a single mom?” And the answer (in my head was) I was bareyl holding it together. The kids had rushed meals even though I love to cook, I was exhausted by the time  Igot home, I barely saw them off to school in the morning and ya, good luck me assistin with homework.

While they are older now, they still need me and  Icouldn’t imagine ever working for someone else again. I am a huge believer in doing what you love and earning a living at it. I love finding people jobs that they love, and also selling whatever under the sun…so I happily earn six figures almost working part time, from home…and still bein home to offer up rides to the teenagers, playdates for my D, home-cooked meals (we just canned jam last night) and those special quiet moments.

I wish I had done this a realllll long time ago. I always struggled with some guilt/remorse for leaving my kids-except for the days the little buggers really annoyed me, then I was happy to go to work 😉

 

 

Post # 55
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Bump

Post # 56
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@clumsylawyer:  Me too!  I’ll be the working parent and he’ll be the stay at home parent.  In fact, he’s pretty much a househusband now.  It rocks!  I get home from work to find a clean house, yardwork done, cars fixed, and he also does odd jobs to earn fun money.  In fact, yesterday he put up a chain link fence in the backyard for the dogs/future kids. 

ETA:  The only “domestic” thing I really have to do around the house is cook.  I love to cook and that would have been my career in another life.  Bonus is that he never complains if I use every single pot or pan in the house to make one meal.

Post # 57
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I will 100% stay home. My Fiance will work hard to make that possible because it is what we both think is best. We plan on homeschooling so once our first is 4/5 that will be my full time job!

Post # 58
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@foodnerd81:  The costs really add up! Because besides the cost of (quality) daycare you also have food expenses (youre more likely to buy prepared food ro eat out if youre both working and have kids to take care of), commuting costs, etc. I think you’d have to make a lot of money to make it worth it!

Post # 59
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’ve done both, although right now I am staying at home while I finish up my Master’s.  I hope to go back to work, at least part-time, in the next few years, so my time as Stay-At-Home Mom is limited.

Personally, i didn’t particularly like my previous job, and I hated leaving my daughter every day for a job I wasn’t invested in.  I was finally able to quit after my son was born, and have been doing the SAH thing for about 4 months now.  I love being at home with my kids; it’s fulfilling in a way that I never felt with my previous job, and I feel like our household runs a lot more smoothly with one person at home.  However, being a Stay-At-Home Mom is so much harder than I thought it would be!  I love being at home, but it is really hard work!

Post # 60
Member
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

My ideal, I think, would be to work part time. I definitely would not want to be a Stay-At-Home Mom because I think I would be bored, feel like parenting was 100% on me, feel like I wasn’t contributing financially as I am capable, and feel like I was completely giving up my identity for my child. But, I think working full time would be really hard because between working and keeping the house up and keeping the kid fed and bathed, I’m not sure that I’d feel like we had a whole lot of time for fun or relaxation. So, I think it would be awesome if I was able to do something like work part days so I was off early enough to keep the house in order and spend more time with the kid and whatnot and have nights be a little less go-go-go.

Post # 61
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If we had the funds, I’d love to be a stay at home mom. I find a lot of joy and self worth in taking care of people I love. I wouldn’t be okay with him telling me to do it, though. It’s something that we would discuss together.

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