(Closed) Blue Valentine..

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@StefLovesJamie:  I pinned this last night.  Ha!

I know that I didn’t settle either.  I was kind of excited to hear that Fiance was a working man though.  He had his own car (a nice one), but he did move back in with his parents.  I was excited because I knew he was responsible.  He held a job up until after we got engaged.  A week after he proposed, he was laid off and hasn’t had a steady job since.  That’s been since Jan. 2011.  Long, long time.  He tries his best and has even started his own plumbing business with a friend.  It’s just going to take awhile to get afloat.  

I, personally, have never heard another woman say this.  If I did, I probably let it go in one ear and out the other.  It is what it is.  I just know I’m happy and have true love no matter the situation.  =)

Post # 4
Member
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

I think a movie quote from movie about a relationship that fails probably has some obvious limitations. Especially as that movie was so much about failed (and uncommunicated) expectations and inauthenticity.

I never really dreamed of marriage. If it happened okay, if not, okay. I dated plenty of men I had no real burning desire to marry. I always knew I would not marry unless it felt totally right. I just never felt it was necessary to my life. I did not view it negatively, just not as a need. I grew up in a household with an unmarried mother and stepfather (they did marry a couple years ago after 25+ years together though) and they had a perfectly healthy and commited relationship, so I looked more at having that healthy, authentic and loving relationship more so than I did at having a marriage. My husband also dated many women he never married. Though he came close to asking one, he was doing it more out of a “ticking the boxes” thing, as he felt it was the “next step”, not as he felt genuinely that it was “right”, if that makes sense. When their relationship ended it was a  major wakeup/reinvention for him, through that experience and some other personal work, to realize that he did not want to tick the boxes in life.

I married my husband as he was and is my true and equal life partner, and vice versa, and it felt very, very right. We just knew early on we had something very special between us and we wanted to spend our life together and marry one another. It was not “necessary” for our relationship, we had the commitment and the love long before marriage, but it was just something we really wanted to enter into together. I am so blessed to have met him.We were ready as individuals, and together in our relationship. If something were to happen to him, I do feel quite confident saying I would not marry again, though. He also feels similarly. For us, marriage was more about “us” as a couple than it was about “being married”, if that makes sense.

He was not even working when he asked or we married, as he had left the military and was taking some time before deciding what to do or looking for something new so there goes that “good job” argument! However, he certainly was and is mature, responsible, loving, emotionally aware, independent, communicative, authentic and all those other things that made him an adult I wanted to be with.

Post # 5
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I would be lying if I said I didn’t pick my husband partially on his success. For me though, it’s about more than just money, it’s the fact that he is an independant, strong and capable person. Having it all together, being mature and secure, is just really attractive to me in a man.

Also, I think men are capable of being just as, if not more, shallow. I hear men complain all the time that women keep picking muscle-bound rich guys who treat them like crap while the nice guy goes unnoticed, but I’ve seen guys to the same thing! Repeatedly go after the beautiful popular girl who is irrational and bitchy while the sweet shy girl is ignored.

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