(Closed) BM a no show

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

this is very weird indeed. i see myself along with all the PPs are having this “how insanely bizarre” reaction. i even told my Fiance and he was like WTF?!  i want to just add in that i know this must be very painful. clearly you didn’t see this coming and it must hurt pretty bad.  i have seen brides get upset on here because their BMs aren’t excited enough about receiving the Save-The-Date Cards….so not showing up the wedding, wow. i am really sorry that you had to go through your wedding with that news.  i hope you were able to focus on a lot of positives and have good memories that override the hurt.

now to just comment on the bizarre-ness of this girl….one thing i am wondering about what the heck was going through her mind…was not only did she not show up, but she posts pictures on facebook of her vacation??  i am almost tempted to suggest she got the dates mixed up and is too embarrassed to face you?? which i am sure is not the case, but thats just how crazy it seems!

Post # 18
21 posts
  • Wedding: August 2011

What a horrible, awful thing to happen! There is no excuse for her behavior–I’m so sorry that had to happen to you and that you were so upset on your big day…

As for trying to get over this, I like MsGolightly’s suggestion. I’m not much of a confrontational person either, but if something really, truly bothers me, I tell the offending person how I really feel, get it off my chest and then move on. No matter what she says, at least you’ll feel better knowing that you’ve said what you had to say. I think the worst thing you could do is stay silent about this whole thing, otherwise it’ll be harder to let go of past hurts. She’ll get her just desserts one day soon.

Focus all your good energy on people who love you most, especially your new hubby! You’re better off without her anyway.


Post # 19
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’d probably write her a letter/email to let her know how you feel if you really need to get something off your chest. THen just let it be…move one, whatever you want to do. Or just not speak to her again.

I know more than one person who had a failling out over friends not attending weddings, but not to this extreme.

Post # 20
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

What the heck…  this is just beyond bizarre.

I would also contact her and tell her how worried and hurt you were, and if she doesn’t respond, leave it at that.  If she does, she’ll have a long way to go if it’s even possible to earn back your friendship.

That’s terrible.

Post # 21
3670 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Who does that? I’m so sorry this happened to you, I would be horribly upset too.  You acknowledged that you know she isn’t a good friend but if it’s bothering you I would make it clear to her how hurt you were.  I think it’d be a good release to let her know how you feel but I don’t think I could forgive someone for that and would just let it go after venting.  

Post # 22
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Wow – that’s full on. But I suppose, as someone has already said at least she’s not in your photos. The least she could have done was ring/text/email you so you knew she was okay and not dead on the side of the road somewhere. I would be so furious.

Post # 23
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@kevandjess: WOW.. what a fkn b___!!!! It was her loss not yours. That person was probably an “undercover hater” througout the whole process. I could only imagine your anger… time will lift that from your heart. Don’t worry though… it’s a little thing called “karma”… It does/will bite her in the ass one day.. Enjoy the happy memories & this awesome new chapter of your life..

Post # 24
2054 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@kevandjess: i cant believe that!! i would be FURIOUS….not to mention SOOO hurt!!!

Have you talked to her since then? did she have anything to say for herself?

Post # 25
33 posts
  • Wedding: September 2011

That’s terrible. Why would she accept the position of Maid/Matron of Honor if she had no intention of being there for you? You are right she is not the friend you thought she was and unfortunatley for reason that may only be known to her she stood you up. It will probably grind on you for a long time, but the best you can do is just move on from it and forget about her. She is obvisously not worth your time, since she thinks you aren’t worth hers. What did her family say when you contacted them? It’s shady enough that she did this, but if her family was in on it too I would be more upset.

On a side note an old classmate of mine got married a few months ago and she asked her best friend (a guy) to be her Maid/Matron of Honor. He agreed, but at the last minute backed out, because he’s single and has always been teased and called a homosexual. I have no idea if he is or not, but we come from a small town in the midwest and unfortunately some people are jerks so they made this guys life hell. He decided he couldn’t do it, so he came to her wedding, but as a guest only. She was heartbroken. She tried to be understanding, but I know it was hard for her. He is her best friend and has been for more than 15yrs. At the last minute her mother stepped in and became the Maid/Matron of Honor. It was very touching.

Post # 26
669 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Oh my gosh, there are no words other than I am truly sorry you had to go through that!  I can only imagine the feel of the knot you say you have in your stomach.  I think my whole heart would ache, too!  I don’t have any advice, but I just had to tell you that my heart goes out to you.  Best of luck 🙂

Post # 27
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

That is awful!  I’m so sorry that you had to go through this.

I will say that it really proves that you have an intensely positive character to slog through and still have a wonderful day.  Cheers to you for being able to rise above this BS.

Honestly, I would send a letter as mentioned about by PP.  I would need the closure of knowing exactly what went down here.

I feel that regardless of how your friend was feeling, whether you invited her SO, or whether she was having a huge attack of the green monster because of what happened to her before, she OWED you the courtesy of informing you of that MONTHS and MONTHS before the actual wedding.  What she did was inexcusable.  


Post # 28
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011


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