(Closed) BM also getting married

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I have lots of friends getting married weekends before and after us.  We all knew when we picked our dates that we wouldn’t be able to make it to everything each of us were having.  So I guess I’m saying, be excited that the two of you are getting married and just hope that they find dates that don’t interfer with your plans.

Post # 4
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yeah, I don’t really see a solution here.  Sorry its so complicated.  Unfortunately you’re laid back and she isn’t so if you guys can all sit down and try to plan around each other so everyone can be involved that’d be great but if you can’t all make it to events, at least you’ll make it to the important ones.  You shouldn’t have to coordinate around other people but that’s how it goes.  We’re doing the same thing!

Post # 5
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We know a couple that picked their date as the exact week after another couple…the grooms are best friends and the girls are close, so it’s going to be interesting….! The grooms are in each other’s wedding so at least the couple that picked their date second didn’t pick the week before or the first couple wouldn’t have been able to go on their honeymoon!

So, at least it wasn’t as close as a week difference! But, I know it must be frustrating just the same.

Post # 6
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

It sounds like your friend is being very considerate, and waited a whole month after  your wedding for hers, and she asked when your dates where so they wouldn’t plan their stuff on top of yours.

This might sound rude but I think you are letting yourself feel like the spotlight is being taken away from you.  Be thankful that you aren’t bridezilla, but know that this is a time in your life where you are the center of attention…so own it, work it girl!

Yes you may miss her bachlorette, but your honeymoon will be so much more fun than that. 

Post # 7
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I feel your pain – my Bridesmaid or Best Man set her wedding date a week after our wedding, despite knowing that we had planned to leave immediately for our honeymoon and would be gone for 3 weeks. Because of our long-standing friendship, we rearranged our travel plans, but it wasn’t easy, and I felt resentful about it. Definitely not the best way to go through planning for a friend’s wedding.

Ah well…life goes on!

Post # 8
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I know, I feel your pain! My sister and I are both engaged and her wedding is 6 months before mine, but I feel like because of that no one’s even recognized the fact that I’m engaged. Only a handful of people from our family called me to congratulate, she completely overshadowed my entire proposal.

I’m honestly glad she’s getting all the attention right now, but in the back of my mind I think it’s unfortunate that I didn’t have as much excitement over my engagement as I know I would have if she wasn’t also engaged.

I also have a friend getting married 2 weeks after us, but my date is in June so I totally expected something like that to happen. They also planned it a full two weeks after on purpose so we could actually go and wouldn’t be on our honeymoon.

Post # 9
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Irishbride— I feel your pain, but I don’t think your friend did anything wrong here. It will be a busy time for you and your friends, but I think many girls experience this as well.

I am getting married next September. One of my good friends (and bridesmaid) is getting married in June. One of my other friends (and bridesmaid) is getting married in October. I will also be attending at least one other wedding next summer! I am not mad about this situation, I just understand that a lot of my friends are getting married and there are only so many days in a year!

I would also suggest getting creative with all the wedding events and I don’t think you should think of this as competing for weekends. For example, my friend who is getting married in October and I are planning a joint bachelorette party! We think it will be really fun because we have many friends in common (and we can get to know some new friends as well), so we are planning a fun event downtown of my city and staying in a hotel there as well!

Good luck!

Post # 10
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

We had 3 friends (me included) all get married within months of each other.  We just all talked and stayed in touch so we could have dates that worked for everybody (and excluded honeymoon times) back in the day.

Communication is key to everything.

She’s excited too, just as you are and I think it’s fine she’s a month later.  If you can’t be at her bachelorette b/c of the honeymoon, get her a fun gift to open at the shower and make a call to her during the party or as she’s opening it! 

This is a great time and a way to bond closer as friends.  She honestly doesn’t sound like bridezilla to me, instead a courteous friend who wanted to make sure dates haven’t been overalapping.  

Post # 11
39 posts
  • Wedding: August 2009

Hi irishbride, yes this situation sucks. I mean, nothing is technically wrong as previous posters said but I can certainly understand how you feel.

Your friend who is getting married and her Maid/Matron of Honor should not have been bugging your Maid/Matron of Honor for a shower date. However, you shouldn’t worry about that because that should be a fun, surprise-y date for you! I am planning my friend’s shower that is over a year away (the shower is, the wedding is 5/2011) so I don’t compeltely understand your Maid/Matron of Honor not knowing the date five months before your wedding. But then again, don’t worry about it – it has to do with your Maid/Matron of Honor and not with you.

As for her bparty, if her wedding is a month after yours – are you going on your honeymoon right away? Can she do her bparty closer to her wedding so you will be back from your honeymoon? If not then oh well for her. You just go on with your H and enjoy yourself – you know it will be much more fun than getting trashed with the girls anyways. 🙂

As for your own feelings about it, there’s nothing anyone can do about it but YOU. I know, I know so much easier said than done. Believe me, I understand. My friend started planning her wedding right after we started planning ours but we had a five month engagement and she’s having a two year active engagement but she’s really been engaged for five years. And she had to start planning now? But now I am married and I could not be happier for her nor could I be more involved in the planning – I am actually quite obsessed, lol. But if you want to be happier for you, tell yourself that. Tell yourself to stop stressing over the fighting of dates. Couldn’t you combine the bparties anyways? It will all work itself out, I promise! 🙂 GL!

Post # 12
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Definitely feel you! It’s like Bride Wars… I’m her Maid/Matron of Honor and she is one of mine! haha She got engaged first and was supposed to get married in June and I’m in October. She kept pushing it back and now is in August. My shower will have to be right after she gets back from the honeymoon. For the most part I think we’re both really, really happy for one another but you can’t help but compare– I totally agree with trying to make your day as unique and creative as possible to really set it a part. I know I am doing a lot of different things than she is and they will be totally different affairs. Just try to keep the lines of communication open as best as possible. Good luck and CONGRATS!

Post # 13
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think she is doing anything wrong, to be honest.  One of my bridesmaids is getting married a few months before me,too.  It’s been a challenge to coordinate some of the dates, but it’s worth it.  I don’t want to step on her toes and she feels the same way. 

It’s all about perspective, IMO.  You can approach this with the attitude that it’s a huge pain and she’s being an attentionwhore, or you can approach it with the attitude that you’re lucky to share the bride experience with one of your best friends. 

In the end, it’s just a day, for both of you. 

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