(Closed) BM and GM are quitting on us and i found out thru my MOH!! what do i do?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Wow, that’s awful.  Of course it’s understandable that you’re upset. My guess is, since she doesn’t know you that well, she felt uncomfortable coming to you.  I’m not sure it was necessary to have the Fiance of a Gm in the wedding, just so they can be paired up.  But you were trying to be nice.  She should have still acted like a grown up and told you.

Honestly, I think you need to talk to her.  Are you sure she’s going to call you?  I wouldn’t let this drag on.  If she doesn’t call you in a day, I would call her.  And ask her if she indeed meant what she said to your Maid/Matron of Honor.  (You’re trying to make sure you have the story straight, and want to go straight to the source.)

I don’t think it would be wrong to let her know you’re disappointed that she didn’t come to you.  But what’s done is done.  If they can’t be in it, at least you can wipe out Bridesmaid or Best Man and Groomsmen evenly across the board.  And you don’t want to alienate her, since it sounds like being engaged to your FI’s friend, you’ll be seeing her after the wedding.  Again, I think she’s probably embarrassed to go to you because she doesn’t know you.  And the situation is one they both might be embarrassed about.

Post # 4
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree that she’s probably just really embarassed.  If she calls soon (within the next day) I would just pretend that you hadn’t heard yet and graciously accept her resignation.  If you don’t hear from her soon then you’ll have to give her a call.  I can totally see why you’re upset, but there’s no point making it worse for her.  I’m sure she already feels terrible.

Post # 5
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

It sounds like maybe they thought it was clear from the conversation between the Groomsmen and your FI? Perhaps she thought it would be easier to have him talk to you because she doesn’t know you too well?

I guess my take on it is that it’s frustrating and probably would have been better if she talked to you herself, but don’t be too hard on her. She’s probably stressed (after all, she’s planning her own wedding, and having financial trouble on top of that) and maybe a little embarassed. Maybe just give her a call to clarify and make sure you got correct information? And if they do back out, don’t take it too personally.

Post # 6
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It sounds to me like the groomsman was supposed to tell your Fiance and failed to do it properly… Maybe your Fiance can call him back and offer them an ‘out’ so you can be all on the same page.

Post # 7
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Don’t get upset with her over this – it’s really hard to admit to someone that you’re having financial difficulties, especially when she doesn’t know you that well.  Maybe your groomsmen was trying to get that message across and didn’t.

If she calls you to explain (and maybe she won’t if she thinks her Fiance already told yours), don’t mention that you’re upset.  Express that you’re disappointed that they are pulling out and you’d love to have them as guests.  If you both still want them in your bridal party, maybe offer to cover some or all of their costs.  It’s really sad when people are excluded from bridal parties just because of their inability to pony up all the associated costs.

Post # 8
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree with gcwest…I understand why you are disappointed and upset, but it sounds like the Groomsmen messed up in getting the point across. The Bridesmaid or Best Man probably mentioned something to the Maid/Matron of Honor because she assumed her fiance already broke the news. I had to back out of a wedding due to financial issues (our wedding was 3 weeks before theirs, and wouldn’t be back from honeymoon until 1 week before wedding). With shelling out all the money for our own wedding, we just couldn’t afford being in theirs. It was hard to admit this to friends I have known a while, let alone someone you don’t know. I think you have every right to be disappointed, but it sounds like this is a misunderstanding and maybe a sensitive subject for her (BM).

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