Post # 1
Oh my goodness, one month to go and the stresses just seem to increase each day!
Okay, so here is the story. My awesome Bridesmaid or Best Man had a baby this past December. The baby will be 6 months old this June, and she is still breastfeeding. We had discussed her coming to the wedding solo, and her mother would take care of the baby while she was at the ceremony and reception. Sounds good to me! I figured she would need a break from being a full-time mommy, and I wanted an adults-only wedding and reception.
Fast forward the the email I get today! She asked if she could bring her mother and her “quiet” baby to the ceremony and reception! I was sort of shocked, becuase I thought we had discussed the issue. Her husband will not be attending the wedding with her as he is away for work, so it is not possible for the baby to stay home with him.
My Fiance and I are concerned that the baby might get fussy or start to cry during the ceremony. I can certainly understand that she loves her baby and wants to be with him all the time, but am I am monster for not wanting her baby at my wedding? My Fiance is dead set against it. I don’t really want a baby there either.
Please don’t think I am awful – but I really don’t want my vows to be interrupted by a fussy baby!
Post # 3
I agree that the baby doesn’t need to be there for the ceremony, but maybe as a compromise you could allow her to have the baby at the reception. If she is breast feeding, she will not be comfortable and will not have a good time for that long a period. Chances are the grandmother will take the baby home early anyway.
Post # 4
I think that what futuremominlaw suggested would be a great compromise. If this is going to be her first time away from her baby, she will probably be worried about her baby, unless she knows it is close by.
Post # 5
I agree not allowing it to the ceremony but to the reception. need to draw the line somehow! p.s also if you allow the grandma to come the reception does that throw your numbers out?
Post # 6
I agree with the above pps. Even if you have a lond church ceremony, I don’t see that it should be a problem for her to be without him for about an hour. (But perhaps if she is getting ready with you, her mom can swing by for him to get some boob juice? (If she is a die hard breast feeder, I’d like to think she has done at least some pumping, however.) And really if he gets fussy and wants a snack, is she going to be the one to leave, or breast feed him right there? No.
But I think it would be fine to have him at the reception. It sounds like Gramma can watch him. but if he needs to be fed, Bridesmaid or Best Man can take care of that easily enough.
Post # 7
Thanks for the feedback everyone. I guess the reason I am kind of peeved about it is that we had already discussed her coming solo, pumping breastmilk before hand, and her mother looking after the baby while she attended the wedding. I was planning an adults-only event.
We are having a small wedding – 50 guests. I feel like the loud music and all the strangers at the reception wouldn’t make for a very happy environment for a 6 month old baby. Maybe I am wrong though? Or just being selfish?
All I know is, Fiance is dead set against having children at the wedding, and I need to take his wishes into account too, becuase its our wedding, not just mine.
I think I’ll just reinforce that it is an adults only wedding, and if she wants to leave early to be with her baby, by all means do so.
Post # 8
I know it’s frustrating that you felt like this issue was overwith and then she reopened it. I’m guessing that when you originally talked about it she thought that by the time of you wedding she would be fine leaving her baby.. but as the time got closer.. she decided she just wasn’t ready. I do think it’s a fair compromise that the baby go to one event or the other. Honestly, you really can’t tell someone that they have to leave their breastfeeding baby at home. And when it comes right down to it.. you probably won’t notice and/or care if the baby is fussy.. you’ll be too wrapped up in the fact that it’s your wedding day. Right before my processional started and the church was COMPLETELY quite because the organist had just stopped his prelude.. my baby cousin looked up and yells “Uh Oh!”. The whole church burst out laughing. People (esp. his parents) were so afraid that my husband and I were going to be pissed! We both thought it was hysterical… hubs said it totally took all of his nervousness right out of him. My other friend had her breastfeeding baby with her through out the day. She never made a peep until the very end of the night when the music got to loud for her. My friend went to the bride’s room for a quite place, breast fed the baby.. and then headed home.
Post # 9
I’m not a huge fan of children at weddings. But when I think of children at weddings I think of those bratty pre-schoolers and grade schoolers who are loud and obnoxious and whine and cry and run around like maniacs.
The six month old won’t be doing much of that and she will probably leave early anyway. I’d suggest having no babies at the ceremony.. but as to the reception, I don’t see the big deal.
That being said, it is your wedding and if you are set on having no babies at the ceremony, stick with it.
Post # 10
I’d tell her “No” – ONLY because you already discussed this with her and she’d said she was coming solo. She’s the one who wants to change things now and they don’t work with what you’ve planned. If she had said early on “I can only come if I can bring my baby” then you would have known they were a packaged deal – it’s impolite of her to decide to change her plans now and expect you to arrange things around her.
Post # 11
I know I might be in the minority here but if I were in your shoes I would allow her to bring the baby to the ceremony and not the reception. She wasn’t planning on bringing her husband, so adding her mother to the guest list for the reception would not only go against what you had previously discussed but it would be an added expense since you’re adding another person you hadn’t planned on. That’s 1 more table setting, 1 more favor, etc.
I don’t mind babies in church – but I do agree with you that a loud reception might not be the best place if there’s no other children present. Plus, there’s always the chance that other guests will see the baby and wonder why they weren’t allowed to bring their children as well… Good luck!
Post # 12
I am in a similar situation with my Future Sister-In-Law. The baby will be around 6 months too. She will still be breast-feeding, but will also be pumping. I feel like as long as she has a place to pump that it should be okay but still haven’t talked to her because I’m scared! I’ve also considered getting her mom a room or letting them use one of our rooms so that the baby and mom are nearby. (This is my FI’s brother’s wife, so her mom is someone we barely know).
I do not want crying at my wedding or for the baby to be the center of attention (I know this sounds bad, but still.) I want to say no, but totally realize how delicate the situation is.
Post # 13
I am in the same situation. My wedding is next March and I told both of my friends ahead of time that I am having an adults only wedding and reception. One friend was really understanding (she is also a Bridesmaid) and her Mom is keeping the baby. The other friend got offended and is not coming. I am totally okay with the friend that is not coming. She couldn’t see my side at all and started talking about the joys of being a parent. If she can’t make an exception for my special day then it’s better if she stays home.
I say stick to your guns. We are having a wedding with 45 people and we both want an adults only event. It’s you and your Fiance’s day and you should have what you want.
Post # 14
So…I told my Bridesmaid or Best Man, and she “understands…BUT” and then I told me how she is still breastfeeding every three hours, doesn’t want to pump, baby doesn’t take well to a bottle, doesn’t want to leave the baby with her mother for a few hours. She now says she is only staying for the ceremony and will have to leave after that. I feel awful!! 🙁 🙁 I don’t have a baby, so I can only imagine how difficult it is to leave your baby for a while, but she is leaving it with her mother, not a stranger!
I already told another couple they couldn’t bring their children, so I just feel it would be unfair to make exceptions for certain people. I hope she understands 🙁
Post # 15
Woooow…just read her response to you. I think it’s good you stuck to your guns & drew the line at the ceremony. While I’m not a mom, all my friends (including one of my BMs) are & NONE of them have brought their babies to the last wedding in our group. Of the 5 moms invited, 3 attended sans baby (left at home with grandparents), 1 attended with grandma & baby in a hotel room upstairs (she went up to breast feed & later, she & two other moms still breast-feeding went up for a “pump party”), & 1 opted to stay home for the ceremony (to breast feed & put baby to sleep), then came afterwards just to the reception & left baby with her mom. All those compromises seemed reasonable & allowed them to participate in the Adults Only affair. Can any of these be an option for your BM? Having spoken with all my friends about the issue, I garner from them that asking for an Adults Only wedding is TOTALLY reasonable, most especially if all moms are local to the wedding. It is MUCH harder for Out of Town parents. However, that being said, our wedding is kid-friendly & all babies & kids of all guests are invited to ours. Of the 6 children & 5 babies of the parents that are attending, all 6 kids are coming but only the 3 Out of Town babies are actually attending the ceremony, & all 5 are NOT attending the reception (yet ALL parents are coming to ALL events)…all per the parents. My local friends have given my Out of Town friends & family suggestions for babysitters (mostly to sit in the room while the babies sleep) & local friends are all using their own family members for the same purpose. Maybe you could suggest one of the above options to your BM? Good Luck!
Post # 16
Ok… here’s the deal. You can’t control that the baby isn’t taking the bottle well. Your Bridesmaid or Best Man needs to be able to nurse, and as her friend, it sounds like you’re trying really hard to be understanding and find a solution, which is really sweet of you. 🙂
You know what they say about “best laid plans”, right? 😉
I just want to tell you, I am in the EXACT same situation as you. Except, like, times 8. Potentially 8 1wk-8 month old babies at my “Adults Only” wedding and reception. I am asking them to have one parent hold the baby outside during the reception or sit by the door in case they cry. And for the reception- you would be AMAZED at the ability that a baby has to sleep through a loud reception. I was just at a wedding a couple of weeks ago, and out of 4 children there (3 infants, 1 3 year old flower girl) the ONLY child that made a peep or was fussy was the flower girl. Those babies slept right through the reception, and it was QUITE the party. Loud music, lots of drinking and shenanigans.
If you are dead set against it- Is there a hotel next door to your venue (or is your venue a hotel?)? Maybe BMs mom can get a room and “babysit” while Bridesmaid or Best Man is at the wedding and she can pop back and forth to feed her baby and still enjoy your wedding.