(Closed) BM backed out after accepting… I’m now not inviting her as a guest. Thoughts?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Franciscan Gardens

I’m sorry this has happened. Has she made any effort to be friendly since the text? How did you respond to the text? If I were in your boat, I would be upset too- but I think it’s important to try and understand why she can’t be in the wedding. Is in a money issue about the dresses? I had a bridesmaid decline, and it was because she just felt like she had too much going on and couldn’t commit to the monetary part or the time and she didn’t want to be a “bad” bridesmaid. She was very sincere and apologized and we are stlll friends & she will be invited to the wedding.

Post # 5
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@maskelunass: You can do this, but a word of warning: if you do, you are probably going to lose this girl as a friend forever. Is it worth it? Maybe things are going on in her life, financially or emotionally, and she doesn’t feel like she’ll be able to be a good BM? I think you should talk things out with her before making a decision.

Post # 7
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This may be a long shot, but is there any chance she might be pregnant? I would say if this is the case, and she doesn’t want to announce it yet, that might be the real reason she is backing out. Just a thought.

Post # 8
Member
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It is possible that she really can’t afford the cost, but is too embarrassed to say so. It is hard to say to someone who is planning a beautiful wedding that you can’t afford to partake in it. It’s a lot easier to say that you are really busy, even if that isn’t true.

She now feels as if she has let you down and probably quite sad. I would say that she is waiting for you to make the first friendly move. As she (rightly so) feels that she has made you angry.

Do you really want to throw 13 years of friendship away over this?

Post # 9
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Franciscan Gardens

I think she’s probably waiting to see what you say or do in response to her text. She probably figures you’re mad and is waiting for you to make the first move. If her friendship is important to you, and this is completley out of character for her then I would give her a pass and just invite her. If she has always been kinda flaky then, maybe this is the time to cut your losses. I also feel like, there’s something bigger than what she’s saying as to why she can’t be in it. It doesn’t sound like you asked anything unreasonable- so my gut really does tell me money. Maybe she’s embarrassed and just made up something random as an excuse.

Post # 10
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Franciscan Gardens

@Everdeen: We think alike! lol

Post # 13
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I understand your hurt, I think maybe you should get to the bottom of the situation because it seems as though your not sure about certain things either. It is hard to make a decision when your not sure about all the facts involved in it. I’d say reply to her and see exactly why she cant be your bridesmaid or call her and have a conversation. If things go wrong from there then don’t invite her. At least you tried. I hate seeing friendships go down the drain over lack of communication. 

Post # 15
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Franciscan Gardens

Well, go with your gut- if she’s never been a great friend and always kinda flaky then just be glad that you won’t have to deal with her anymore. I’m sure that on your wedding day you want to be surrounded by people that genuinely love you and are there to support you. It doesn’t sound like this gal fits the bill. I would hate for you to invite her and a) she causes a scene or b) she comes to see what all the fuss was about and goes home and talks a buncha trash! From what you’ve said, I’d say cut your losses! Good luck to you!

Post # 16
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Hi there. That sucks that she backed out after first accepting and being excited for you. Ask yourself if the friendship is worth saving. If it is, you need to call her. No more Facebook or texting, call her and ask if there’s anything you can do to a) secure the friendship and, if so, b) compromise and still have her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Maybe she thought your 3 days of attendance was all or nothing, and she just can’t make the walk through, but she can attend everything else…so she opted to back out? Who knows? The point is, this situation is ripe for miscommunication and ill feelings. You *think* you know what happened, as stated above, but you don’t *know* for sure, 100% that so-and-so talked to so-and-so and so she now thinks ______ (fill in the blank) and so she’s not being a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Huh? Too many variables. Either way, it sounds like she is trying to cover up somehow. Embarrassment, something happened to her, she just is afraid to commit and later have it effect your day if she can’t be there. You’ve been friends for 13 years. That’s a long time. Find out the facts and go from there. Good luck!

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