(Closed) BM (bridesmaid AND best man) drama – long vent

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ooo, that’s sucky of her. Hopefully the drama will stop untill your wedding day!

Post # 4
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

that’s a weird, stressful situation that no one needs.  maybe she didn’t want to be a BM?  maybe she felts pressure to because you guys are close and P was a GM?  it’s really disrespectful to claim money woes, ask the bride & groom to pay for you, and then rub all these other expenses in your face.  wth is that about?  just try to get through the rest of the planning without lending her any money and enjoy your beautiful wedding.  you can’t please everyone and weddings bring out the crazy in people.  good luck

Post # 5
Member
2542 posts
Sugar bee

I definitely agree with PPs that weddings bring out the crazy in some people and you see selfishness in people that you didn’t see before. It sucks. I have no advice, just wanted to let you know you’re not alone in this ha ha

Post # 6
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

That sucks. Since she clearly isn’t hurting for money and just wants to make you foot the bill for her expenses as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, then I would start to put your foot down. I wouldn’t do anything too blunt, but I would stop agreeing to pay for things or cover the cost. Like with the hair – instead of covering her, I’d say “I’m sorry, I can’t cover the cost right now. You’re welcome to have your hair done elsewhere or do it yourself.”

Since you have been friends for so long, I’d just ignore the comments for now and try the best you can to let them roll off. Maybe once the wedding is over, the comments and snarkiness will be over as well, and it won’t further damage your friendship. She is probably jealous that she is still a girlfriend while you are getting married. And that you are being sucessful at losing weight. Some people just get jealous even though they aren’t willing to work for the same goal.

Post # 7
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Oh wow. Sounds like jealousy to me. Have you actually seen the $300 kitchen gadget or has she gotten the eyelash extensions (I totally learned something knew by reading this because I didn’t even know such things existed)?

If not then I think maybe she and P are insecure with their own lives and are making themselves feel better by putting you and your Fiance down. Or perhaps the reason they can afford to do all of their normal activities is because they mooch off other people (hence the making you feel guilty for actually expecting to be paid back). Whatever is going on I’m sorry you and your Fiance are having to deal with this. I’d try to ignore the childish antics and certainly not offer to pay for anything else.

I mean, really, I can’t presume to know what her financial status is like, but if I was going to drop $200 on eyelash extensions I wouldn’t grumble about $40 for a party. But that’s just me.

Post # 8
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

@mrstilly:  “She is probably jealous that she is still a girlfriend while you are getting married. And that you are being sucessful at losing weight. Some people just get jealous even though they aren’t willing to work for the same goal.”


good point!  especially as OP mentioned this couple has been together for a few years longer than them.  she’s probably tired of Waiting and is being passive aggressive about.  don’t let it stress you too much, not worth it!

Post # 10
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

@LittleH:  move on and enjoy yourself, don’t let them bring you down.  the day of your wedding, this will be the farthest thing from your mind and let the chips fall as they may post-wedding.

Post # 11
Member
475 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I just want to say I TOTALLY feel ya. I have a similar situation with a Bridesmaid or Best Man who is the gf of one of the GMs. It sucks having someone be such a close part of your special day when you really just want to kick them out. I’m just sucking it up and trying to make the best of things though because kicking her out would cause way more drama than its worth…   Good luck and hang in there!

Post # 13
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i agree with sapphiregriffin. it sounds to me like she’s jealous. you mentioned that she and her bf have been a couple longer than you and your fiance have. let me just say – i have been there (and i was in her position) and i am ashamed to say that i was bit by that same bug and resented my friend who got married first. she is probably upset that she and P are not where you and your fiance are and that they are not engaged to be married yet, even though they have been a couple longer. there is probably nothing you can say to make her feel better, either – she just needs to realize for herself that all relationships are different and move at different paces and some just get married faster/earlier/etc. 

i also agree that you need to stop offering to pay her share of things just because she complains about it. don’t pay for her hair and makeup unless you are going to pay for everyone else’s. i personally think that it’s not fair to your other bridesmaids – do it for all or none.

Post # 14
Member
1796 posts
Buzzing bee

There is no way I  would spend $200 of my SOs money on eyelash extensions without a job knowing I would not be paying him back right away. And he and I share expenses 50/50 right now. This woman is off her rocker, and I agree with PP-she is jealous. Put your foot down, and dont pay for a single thing now. you deserve to be a “debt collector” you have already paid for enough for yourself and all of those guests, let alone a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

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