- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
Yikes this is long… sorry for the rant/vent, although it’s nice to see I’m not the only one struggling here.
I have 6 bridesmaids – 1 of which was dumped by her fiance (one of my FI’s best friends) a month before their wedding 2 years ago. Since my engagement I have tried very hard to be sensitive to her possibly conflicting feelings about being in my wedding (her ex is a groomsman), but I know there have been times I failed on this. She puts up a front for me, acting like she’s fine with everything and nothing but happy for me. Then last night, she got drunk and basically spilled her guts to me about how I’ve been doing nothing but talking about the wedding, and acting like a bridezilla. I had sent an email to all the girls recently saying that I’d like it if everyone brought their Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses to my shower in July (they are all choosing their own dresses from wherever they want, and the email/deadline was a suggestion of another Bridesmaid or Best Man… they’ve also already had 3 months to find dresses so far). I had made a comment saying to make sure to check the return policy for wherever they buy the dresses, on the off-chance it doesn’t fit right or clashes really bad with everything. The drunk Bridesmaid or Best Man said she was furious when she read that, that I was sounding too demanding and like a bridezilla. I wanted to let the girls choose their own dresses because everyone has different bodies and budgets, and my only stipulation was that they needed to be navy and short and I preferred flowy chiffon fabrics to really shiny ones, but I still left it open and gave TONS of links and suggestions. In all honesty I trust the girls to choose nice/stylish dresses, and really doubt anything would clash. In retrospect, maybe I should’ve just left that part out.
I apologized to her for some things I had said without realizing I was being insensitive, and urged her to come to me right away if I was ever doing/saying hurtful things in the future. She made a comment that her roomate – my Maid/Matron of Honor – is also feeling the same way about me, so I tried to call her today but she didn’t answer or call back. She also mentioned that my Maid/Matron of Honor is upset because I asked another Bridesmaid or Best Man to help her plan my bachelorette party since she loves to plan stuff like that and is REALLY good at it. My Maid/Matron of Honor is also very good at party planning, but is one of the busiest people I know and sometimes struggles executing things, so I figured she’d appreciate some help. Now it seems my Maid/Matron of Honor and her roomate have pushed away the other Bridesmaid or Best Man and are planning everything themselves.
I struggle a lot with my female friendships, and never really know how to handle conflicts among them. Men are easy – when they are mad you know it. But women seem to hold things in, be passive aggressive and talk behind your back. All things I have no idea how to deal with. But this little incident has made me feel absolutely terrible, like I’ve been behaving horribly and everyone hates me. I try SO hard not to be a bridezilla, and even told all the girls to call me out right away if I started doing anything bad, but now I feel ambushed and lost. My gut reaction is to not talk to any of them unless I really have to, for fear I’ll just enfuriate them more.
What do I do?