Post # 1
Hi Bees! So shortly after me and fi got engaged, our good friends, neighbours and my moh and her bf got engaged! I was so excited for her and even more so when she asked me to be her bm! I couldnt wait! Ive hired a team of people for my wedding, whereas hers will be mostly diy so i was excited to do the crafty stuff wth her that I wont be doing for my own wedding!
the problem? She originally told me the date was sept 2015 and the wedding would take place in our hometown in canada. Im in medical school in Ireland at the moment, but I should be graduated (fingers crossed) by June 2015, so I would hopefully be back in Canada doing a residency somewhere and could come to all her events… She told me last night that they had changed the date to september 27 2014… I’m scheduled for a psych placement in Ireland at that time. I emailed my school director to see if I could do an elective in canada or take a few days off, and she replied today that its too late to switch and do an elective at that time, and the only way I can miss a day of placement is if I am ill, with a doctors note, or an immediate family member has passed away.
Unfortunately i cant just fly home for the weekend either… I have to be at my placement until at least 5pm on friday… Its 3 connecting flights home, normally totalling 12-22 hours depending on layovers, and i have to be back by 8am monday… There is no way 🙁
im gutted! I had already agreed to be a bm, and was sooooo excited, and shes my moh for goodness sake! How can i tell her i wont be able to make it?
Post # 3
@dv3849: well, she did change the date. So really, this is not your fault at all. I would tell her the truth… with the date change you are not able to make it home at that time of year.
Post # 4
This is obviously a great reason for having to miss it! You tried to see if you can take a day off. And she changed the date so you had no way to know.
She still has a ton of time before her wedding. I would let her know that you are so sorry you can’t make it- but there is just no way. She can’t expect you to lie to your medical school or risk failing your psych placement.
It will be ok! She will probably be bummed, but she wiill understand. Good luck!
Post # 5
@dv3849: If she is your friend she will understand…She might even change the date back or do something else for you. If my Maid/Matron of Honor or BMs had a good reason (like you) for missing the wedding I would get a little upset but I would understand.
Post # 6
@dv3849: I think you just tell her what you told us. You made the original commitment when you thought that you were available on her wedding date. Now you have a pre-existing obligation (and something very important for your future, at that) which prohibits you from attending the wedding.
It really stinks for both you and her, but it doesn’t really sound like it can be helped unless she hasn’t actually set the date in stone yet and would be willing to adjust around your psych placement.
I would just stress how bummed out you are, and that you WISH you could do it, but the timing is just not going to work.
When she moved the wedding up a year without talking to anyone involved first, she sort of took that risk. It’s super unfortunate, but who knows? Maybe she can work around it?
Post # 7
@dv3849: I would seriously send her a message with exactly what you wrote here! Let her know you did her best and it just isn’t possible. I feel for you this has to be tough! My Future Brother-In-Law was considering planning his wedding during clinicals and I had to tell him we wouldn’t be able to make it if they did but it worked out because they are now thinking after graduation.
Post # 8
@dv3849: tell her exactly what you just told us. Offer to help with anything you can while you’re in Ireland, maybe they can plan to Skype you into the ceremony/reception so you can watch. Can you pre-record a speech or reading that can be played at the ceremony/reception?
Post # 9
@dv3849: It really is too bad but she knew you were in med school when she changed the date. Who, in their right mind, thinks that someone in med school in another country, will be able to attend a wedding at the end of September?
Post # 10
I’m sure she’ll understand. Just tell her what you told us–that you already tried to get it moved or to take a few days off, but that you can’t.
Post # 11
@dv3849: Just tell her the truth…tell her how hard you tried and what they said. You could suggest that you can definitely do it if she were to go back to the other date….or maybe you can even see if a dif date would work for the two of you.
I know i planned my wedding date around my moh because of her school schedule.
Post # 12
Thanks ladies! I’m glad no one said I was being a royal bi*** because honestly thats what i was feeling like before i posted this! LoL I’ll have a chat with her tomorrow, hopefully she doesnt take it hard 🙁 this girl is my rock!
Again, thank you for your responses! I really appreciate it!
Post # 13
Just be honest with her…she changed the date on you, so I’m sure she will understand. One of my BM’s came to me and said that although she was really excited to be in the wedding, she just doesn’t think its the best thing right now (her husband just got into remission for esophigal cancer and now her mil has breast cancer). While I was bummed, I totally understand. Life happens. While changing the wedding date may have worked better for her, it doesn’t for you…and she will understand that 🙂
Post # 14
@dv3849: I would just be honest and explain the situation to her. It is completely reasonable and she should understand.