(Closed) BM completely changed her dress without asking

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
3942 posts
Honey bee

Did you ask the girls their opinion on the dress before you bought them?

Post # 4
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Wow, that is unbelievably inconsiderate of her. I don’t know what can be done, and maybe I’m a bad person, but I would be absolutely pissed and I would make her buy a new one (or fix it back, if that’s possible). At the very least, I would express your discontent with the situation, but you can take comfort that if nothing can be done, at least you only have 2 bridesmaids, so it’s not like she’ll be one of 5 or 6 bridesmaids that look totally different. Still doesn’t change the fact that that is absolutely a terrible thing to do.

I know some BMs don’t like their dresses and I get that, but at the VERY LEAST she should have talked to you about it before making the changes instead of taking the liberty of just doing it herself.

Post # 5
2755 posts
Sugar bee

I’d definitely say something. You paid for the dresses, therefore I don’t think she should have a say in altering it – esp to make the neckline match your wedding dress! Just explain to her that it’ll look strange if one Bridesmaid or Best Man who isn’t even the Maid/Matron of Honor has significantly different attire.

Trust me – I was Maid/Matron of Honor in my friend’s wedding where we were all to wear red gowns (specifically apple from DB). We had TWO years to find dresses and make something work, yet one of her BMs ignored all of this and bought a random blue dress because she “couldn’t find anything in red to fit”. She stands out massively in all the pics and people constantly think she was the Maid/Matron of Honor.

Post # 6
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@LilliePad:  +1

Who does she think she is. and honestly it doesn’t matter if she liked the original or not. 1) you paid for it and 2) if she didn’t like it she should have spoken up PRIOR to altering it and 3)she could have stepped down from being in the wedding if she didn’t want to wear what YOU chose for her. 

All of this is absolutely unsat. And if I were in the situation, depending on her reaction to when you talk to her about it, I may kick her out of the bridal party (obviously this is if she’s bitchy about it). 

Post # 7
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Wow I can’t believe she did that.  Asa bridesmaid you are not always going to like the dress that you have to wear.  At the very least you should make her put the sash back to the way that it was.  I don’t know how easy it will be to put the neckline back.

But considering I can be a major bitch and if one of my bridesmaids did that I would tell her that she can either put the dress back the way it was, buy a new one (the exact same that you picked out and she destraoyed) and she has to pay out of pocket, or she can step down as a bridesmaid.

It is your day, and it is your wedding.  She has no right to change ANYTHING without your okay. 

Post # 8
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@jessanca:  Tell her how you feel. This is kind of a sneaky suggestion, but: if you could live with the other girls altering their dresses then tell them they can alter them however they want (within reason) so she doesn’t stand out. Or get her to send you a picture of her dress and have all of your BM’s dresses altered like that. Alternatively just buy her a new dress, explain it might hurt the other BM’s feelings if she sticks out so much and tell her this is the way you want her to wear the dress. Or you could buy another dress and then give it to her on the day so she has no more time for surprise alterations. 

You shoukd DEFINITELY say something, but remember that your wedding is only one day and you and your SIL could be related for life, so you don’t want to get off on the wrong foot. Plus of she is as big of a drama queen as you make her out to be then she’s not going to let this go.

Post # 9
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I might have swallowed this idea if they had bought their own Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses or if she had spoken to you about the cut mabe not being flattering to her figure or something along those lines. However since YOU paid for them AND spent the money to bring them out (I’ve never heard of a bride doing that for BMs so that’s VERY nice of you) I find this extremely rude.

I would definitely bring it up. Have her send you a picture. Like a PP said, at least there is only one other bridesmaid so it won’t be like she is sticking out against a series of matching dresses. If you like the style, fine, but if you don’t, I think you are well within your rights to ask her to change it back. Since you paid for it and paid to get it out there, it is NOT demanding to ask her to pay to change it back.

I’m sorry, but I personally would never have the *balls* to start changing things for a wedding that is not mine.

Post # 10
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

@BridieBea:  +1

Have the other bridesmaids’ dresses altered just like hers, but do it on the sly. THat way by the time they are all getting dressed the day of the wedding, it will be too late for her to do anything else obnoxious to make hers stick out.

Post # 12
3082 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

That’s totally uncalled for. This is YOUR wedding, she should wear whatever YOU tell her to wear. I’ve been in bridal parties where I had to wear a dress I didn’t like. I just kept my mouth shut and wore it because that’s what the bride wanted. It’s really rude that she did that. 

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