(Closed) BM confronted me… I responded now feeling weird…

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@vmec: If she wanted to could she do her own hair and makeup? Maybe she doesn’t feel like she can afford to pay anyone for hair and makeup.

Post # 4
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

if she wants her gift to be the makeup, why not? i understand wanting to get her a gift that has nothing to do with the wedding, but if she asked for it specifically, i don’t see how it’s bad etiquette.

being a bm is expensive, and if her finances aren’t great, you should be supportive.

Post # 5
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@vmec: The Bridesmaid or Best Man gift should NOT be paying for her makeup.

Why not?  If she’d prefer that to yet another clutch or some cheap bracelet she’ll probably never wear, then what’s the problem?  She only needs all that fancy stuff because of your wedding anyway.

Post # 6
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think she might find it a bit much to be expected to pay for someone to do her hair and makeup.  It sounds like you expect her to pay to have that done instead of letting her do her own.

Post # 7
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I think that what may have happened is her finances have changed, or she has now realized how much this is going to cost her and is worried. I say there is nothing wrong with putting the money towards a dress or hair or makeup. (Part of my BM’s gift was hair and makeup, so I could be biased). But I know that for me, money is really tight right now and sometimes at the end of the month I really feel the pinch and it is not a comfortable feeling at all.

Post # 9
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

i agree with Kitzy, about the makeup.  i think its kinda nice to get BM’s something that they actually want and she’s already asked for it.

Post # 11
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

IMO asking the Bridesmaid or Best Man to pay for their own hair and make-up is a bit much. I think if you have a certain “look” in terms of hair and make-up, then you should cover the costs for that. If they can wear their hair and make-up in any style they want, then they have the option of paying someone or doing it themselves. 

Money is always a touchy subject…especially when asking someone to spend their own for something that doesn’t directly benefit them. I think if you just give it some time, your Bridesmaid or Best Man may once again warm up to hearing about wedding related things. 

Post # 13
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree this can be a touchy subject.  The rule usually is that if the bride wants her maids to get their hair and make-up professionally done, the bride should pay for it.  If the bride isn’t requiring that, however, then the maid is responsible for the cost if she chooses to have her hair and makeup done. 

Since you’re giving her the option, you shouldn’t be expected to pay.  However, since she specifically asked for you to pay as your gift to her, you should graciously do as she asked. 

Money can often be a sore spot, so I wouldn’t beat yourself up over it.

Post # 14
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@vmec: to answer your question…

Back to the issue, how do you feel when you think you’re doing well at something and someone comes down and says you’re not doing well at all?… :S

I would say TRY not to take it personal because her reason for “acting” like that is unknown…. Maybe she is going thru something and she doesn’t want to share it with you at this time. If I were you, I would just keep the wedding convo to a minimum with her or maybe dont bring it up at all unless she brings it up first.

Good Luck!

Post # 15
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I dont really see why you asked your BMs to get their hair/makeup done in the first place. If they cant afford it then they shouldnt feel pressured to do so. I told my BMs that I didnt care if they got their hair or makeup done. They all got their hair done but were not at all required to. They all did their own makeup – I am the only one who got professional makeup done! I think you should tell your Bridesmaid or Best Man you are sorry if she felt like you were pushing too much but you are ok if she does the things on her own.

Post # 16
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

vmec…..are you SURE you’re only asking them for $300?

I think all of us recession brides are trying to be mindful of our ladies finances, but really a LOT goes in to being a bridesmaid. Sure, the dress is $130 which sounds reasonable, and you’re letting them choose their shoes, so maybe she’ll only drop $50.00 on shoes (but remember, she is then stuck with silver shoes). If she goes with your makeup artist shes at $250 without shoes, leaving $50 for shoes which (at least here in NY) doesn’t get you very far. This is all without spending a dime on parties, stagette, shower and all of the USUAL costs associated with a wedding (getting there, buying a gift, staying in a hotel etc.)

Why not have a frank conversation with ALL of your girls about money? I HATE discussing money but I also think its good to manage expectations as far out as possile so people can budget. My girls “chose” their dresses (but they had to be silk taffeta, from J. Crew, in Caspian blue) but I still paid for a portion of each one.


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