(Closed) BM Dresses, nasty Sister, Drama, emotional

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Families can develop geographical cliques. Weird, but true. My Southern relatives support my sister (who is also being crazy about my wedding) much more than my northern ones.

My sister eloped (I’m still not clear on why except that she really wanted a commitment out of her husband), and often when I tried to talk to her about any of my wedding details, she’d make snarky comments about how HER vow renewal (which she decided to plan the spring before my summer wedding, after they’d been married for 7 years) wasn’t going to have those “pretentious trappings.” She’d get so holier-than-thou about it I could have choked.

Limit contact wherever possible. Talk to them calmly but firmly. Say a lot of validating things, like “I can certainly understand why you feel that way,” and “I value your feelings,” but don’t. give. in. Keep repeating “I feel that it’s important to our relationship that we both value each other’s opinions. Are you willing to work with me on finding compromises that work for both of us?” and then make it clear (again, stay CALM, even if you’re breaking dishes with your hand that’s not on the phone) that certain aspects are very important to you.

Post # 4
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I never have understood this drama. If you agree to be in a wedding you wear what the bride wants. Within reason, I suppose, since I would not agree to a dress that looks absolutely hideous or would put me into debt.

However, you don’t have to love  the dress. Them’s the bridesmaid breaks. You have the honor of standing up with someone you love on the most important day of their life. You more than likely will be doing it in a lavender taffeta dress. It’s called doing a solid for your best friend/sister/whoever.

I just don’t get this Bridesmaid or Best Man BS so many brides seem to deal with!

Post # 5
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would flat out tell the sister, “if you want to be in the wedding, you’ll wear what I want. I am FINALLY getting married, and if you can’t support me and my vision, then you can come as just as guest.” 

Post # 6
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Ms. Peach: yeah for real. Its disgusting when people act this way. I am so glad I didn’t have to deal with this kind of bs

Post # 8
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MrsSl82be: Yeah, me too.

I’ve been in a lot of weddings, and wanted to be the “cool” bride, so I let my BM’s buy their own dresses. They are more stressed out by this than if I had picked something they didn’t like. LOL! They keep calling me and asking me to approve this and that. It’s making more work for all of us! LOL!

ETA: MrsTimmy, you just need to pick a dress, and put your foot down. She had an opportunity to be a bridezilla on her own wedding day. Do not let her hijack yours. {hugs}  🙂

Post # 9
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MrsTimmy: I think she is jealous that you are having a wedding and she is being a TOTAL BRAT about it. I think that you should say to them, its my wedding, I would like for you to lok a certain way and if you dont want to be in it, bow out now or hold your peace.

 

Post # 10
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MrsSl82be: Ditto. I’d reocmmend asking your sisters to either shape up or step down. Then, depending on what they say and how much drama they’re causing, I might consider doing away with a bridal party altogether. Good luck. I’m sorry that you’re having to deal with this!

Post # 12
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Ms. Peach: Good advice.

You’ve tried being flexible and that clearly isn’t working. Pick a dress, show it to them, if they complain or refuse to wear it, then say “That’s too bad. I was hoping that you would support me in this, but since not, it would be better for you to not be in the wedding party.

Post # 14
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I should add that normally I would not be so extreme over a dress (I’m a pretty laid-back bride), but the fact that these are your sisters, there are jealousy issues involved, and they are being completely unreasonable and immature leads me to believe that this is just a hint of drama to come. Very sad that they can’t just put their personal issues aside and be happy for you, but such is life! Do you have other bridesmaids?

Post # 16
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I just dont’ understand why BM’s and MOH’s have to be so unreasonable. They are put in this position because you have honored them with it and they accepted it. It is a privilege and not a right for them to be standing by your side on your wedding day.

Their number one priority should be to be there for you and accept their duties without complaint. (this is why they accepted… they had a choice to accept or decline) You have a vision of what you want YOUR wedding to be like. Its not for her to decide what she wears.

I say if it comes down to it give her the choice. If she can’t compromise or really be open minded to your options I would just ask her if this something that she really wants to do?

I have showed my BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor some options and all they say is “whatever you want” How special is that? I would not go as far as shoving them all into something they hate because all my girls are different sizes. I would do the same thing you are doing and giving them the option to show you something they like and feel comfortable in and then making the final decision.

Hang in there! I hope everything works out the way its supposed to.

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