(Closed) BM Drop Out – Update, Advice Needed :(

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Can Fiance call her?  I know that you said his tendancy is to be an avoider, but this is clearly something that is for YOUR and HIS wedding.  He should stand up for you and call her up and talk to her.  Have him encourage her to call you. 

If he’s unwilling to do that, then yeah… maybe it’s time to be the “adult” in the situation and call her up. 

Post # 4
1580 posts
Bumble bee

I’d let it go. I agree with your fiance, and I don’t think it is avoiding anything. She should have called you, she didn’t, and there is nothing you can do about it. But if you want to call her and tell her you’re bummed she wont be in the wedding, but you understand and you’re happy to be sisters, you can do that.

But wouldn’t that be the same as just letting it go, and basically agreeing that it was not a good idea to have a friday wedding? So I’m not sure what that would accomplish in terms of your hurt feelings.

Post # 5
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think you should bite the bullet and call her.. I know it’s probably not what you want to do, but I suspect after you do it you will feel better, the Future Sister-In-Law will feel better, your Fiance will feel better, and there will be less drama, which is always a good thing.  If she was really as happy and excited to be your Bridesmaid or Best Man as you say, then she probably feels guilty about not being able to come, which is why she’s avoiding you and making her dad do all the dirty work.  Cut her some slack, call her, make amends, be the bigger person, if for no other reason to to get one more thing off your worry list!

Post # 6
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Would it be odd or uncomfortable it you called her? I know I never call me Future Sister-In-Law and we  get along fine. If you have that kind of relationship with her I would call her directly stating that you were needing to know what her final decision was so you could get something done planning wise.

I do think the way you Father-In-Law have handled this whole thing has been a little bit out of line and I would feel like the same way that you do. She should be discussing this with you or Fiance.


Post # 7
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry.  May I ask why she doesn’t think she can make it to the wedding?  Is school so far away from her?  Why do you say her parents were pressuring her to drop out?  And if it’s a scheduling thing, does she really know her schedule this far in advance?  (I’m not sure if it helps to paint the picture, or if I’m being nosy. -Sorry.)

Have you been close to her?  Is she rather shy?  At 19, I’m more likely to forgive her for not doing what’s proper.  (And yes, she probably should have talked to you herself.)  I’m just wondering if she is maybe just feeling awkward about the whole situation, and is having a hard time facing you.

I don’t think by not saying anything, you are agreeing that your Friday wedding date was a bad decision.  But either way, I think it might be best to smoothe things over by calling her yourself and talking it out.  It sounds like you’re going to have to be the grown up.  Use it as an opportunity to show her how to handle these types of situations.

Now I’ll go read your other post, since I probably should have done that first.

Post # 9
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

can you just play dumb and call her to talk about Bridesmaid or Best Man stuff?  Pretend like you don’t know she’s not coming and see how she reacts?

Post # 11
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Your Future Sister-In-Law is going to become your SIL, that is part of your family. You can’t avoid facing the issue In My Humble Opinion. Call her and explain to her how you feel. However she chooses to react it’s her problem not yours. Good luck.

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