- 8 years ago
Some of you responded to this thread about a week ago – My Future Sister-In-Law has dropped out of my wedding due to her concern about not being able to attend our Friday night wedding. I found out she was dropping out when she had my Future Father-In-Law call my Fiance and tell HIM, rather than her picking up the phone and telling me directly. The end result of the FFIL/FI discussion was that my Fiance said the she needed to call me herself and work through things.
Now, I’m not trying to convince her otherwise, despite the fact that I think she was pressured into dropping out by her parents. It makes me sad, I think she will regret the choice later, but nonetheless, it is in fact her choice regardless of influence.
The issue for me is that she still has not called me or emailed to let me know directly that she isn’t going to be in the wedding. I’m 10 years older than this girl – but not so far from her age that I don’t remember what it was like to be a self-involved 19 yr old college student – and one that might reasonably be nervous about telling my older FSIL that I was dropping out of her wedding after a gushing and teary eyed acceptance less than a month prior. I do have sympathy for her, but at the same time I feel very strongly about the fact that she has not told me herself – which is in my opinion, the appropriate thing to do regardless of age or relationship.
The advice that people have given me so far is to not hold my breath waiting for that contact or phone call. On a personal level, I find that unacceptable and I hold those close to me to a higher standard than to play a telephone game on such a topic. Yet, on a not-yet-newly-minted-inlaw level, I’m pretty sure that in order to maintain the peace between now and the wedding, I have to let it go or contact her myself.
If I let it go without saying anything to her, I feel like I’m tacitly agreeing that I was unreasonable to choose a Friday wedding date (despite my financial situation). I’m also not genuinely over this – I’m hurt and I’m even a little angry right now. Regardless of my emotions, I am also wondering if I should (at a minimum) be the one to reach out to her and at least say – although I’m sorry you can’t be in the wedding, I love you, I’m excited that we are going to become sisters, and hope you are able to arrange a way to attend and celebrate with us.
In case others ask – my fiance backed me in my feelings that she should call me directly – but now that it has been more than a week, his latest comment was “well, what can you do?” – which means he feels I should drop it. I will say that in his world, dropping it is his usual M.O. because he is an avoider by nature – and it usually comes back to bite him in the long run.
So which path do I take here? Comments?