(Closed) BM gift: Can I buy the dress?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Hostess
11110 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@NinaS: I’m in the UK and I know the customs are different in the US. The custom in the UK is for brides to pay for the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses whereas I know it’s not in the US. I understand your point about them paying for their travel so I think it would go down well. Dpeending on your budget you could get them a keepsake too. Though other destination brides will be of more help than me.

Post # 4
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think it is a great idea! I know that the girls would be greatful and then you don’t have to worry at all about getting something else. I would say that is a very nice gift and they will be delighted to have that burden lifted from them since they are traveling.

Post # 5
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t think paying for the dress is a “gift”. If they’re travelling already I think it’s great if you pay for the dress, but I don’t think that should replace the gift you give your attendants.

I would honestly be rather offended if I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man and I recived my dress as a “gift”. Unless the dress was something I picked out (with your permission) and you gifted me the dress that’s different.

Most girls who accept the honor of being in the bridal party EXPECT to pay for the dress. So long as you don’t pick super crazy expensive I don’t think you should offer to pay unless you’re offering to pay AS WELL as still getting them a gift for their participation.

*THOUGH* For 1 of my maids she has specifically asked me to buy or pay for something instead of a gift. Her specific request, as money is really tight. That I don’t have a problem with. But she came to me, to ask that. I basically said well it’s only in my budget to pay x amount for your gift for helping out and she said I’d rather you take that money, skip the gift and buy me my shoes, dress or hair and makeup. I agreed, but I’m only doing it for that 1 maid.

Post # 6
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I can see vmec’s point, but I would have been thrilled to have been given my dress as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. It significantly cuts down the cost of being in a bridal party (or at least lessens it in a DW), and that would make me super grateful anyway.

Honestly, giving them the dress is letting them keep $150 or whatever of their own money, which is so much better than jewelry or any of the traditional Bridesmaid or Best Man gifts.  

Post # 7
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I know a lot of people think bridesmaids should get gifts that have nothing to do with your wedding, but personally, I’d much prefer for the bride to buy my dress rather than get another clutch, necklace, etc.

Post # 8
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think it really depends on your group of friends. If they are tight for money, they would probably appreciate not spending $150 on a dress. I would definitely appreciate it.

Yes, its not a “gift” technically, but if it lets them spend their 150 on themselves, they’d probably appreciate. Maybe ask them if they would like their dresses paid for “in leiu of Bridesmaid or Best Man gifts” and let them decide. Remember, a lot of Bridesmaid or Best Man gifts never get used, anyway. 

Post # 9
Member
861 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@NinaS: I don’t know… I guess I am a little different. I would be more than happy if the Bride offered to pay for my dress…. Like PPs have said, that is $100+ that could have been kept in my pocket. To be honest, I don’t really care what the Bride gives me as a gift… I have been in 3 weddings and the first wedding I received the Jewelry that I had to wear that day (which I no longer have or know where it’s at), the second wedding I received some lotion, and the third wedding I received a tote bag….. So, I would look at the Bride offering to pay for a dress that I will probably wear for only one day…. a nice gift…. BUT, that is my opinion solely…

Good Luck to ya!

Post # 10
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

“Expecting” a gift seems strange to me….I would never expect for someone to buy me something. They agreed to be a part of this beautiful day because they care about you. I have been in several weddings. Some gave gifts (like the bridesmaid dress) and some didn’t. I did not feel offended in either situation.

I bought my bridesmaids dresses and jewelry. I had them and their taste in mind when I bought it….I probably won’t buy them a “gift”. I can’t see any of them being offended by that. If they are, oh well. Guess I won’t ask them to be bridesmaids in my next wedding. HAHAHA totally kidding…

Post # 11
Member
5271 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I disagree w/ some of the other posters, buying the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress, to me, is a wonderful gift! I know I would prefer that hands down compared to most “typical Bridesmaid or Best Man gifts” out there.

I think this is very sweet of you & I think your girls would appreaciate you trying to lessen their financial load -esp since this is a Destination Wedding wedding, I think your idea makes it even more thoughtful 🙂

Post # 12
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Unless you had a really cool/unique bridesmaid’s gift in mind, I think they’d probably appreciate you paying for their dress even more. It seems like most of the bridesmaid gifts I’ve seen aren’t really things that would be used often or fit every girl’s style

Post # 13
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@NinaS: I also have two bridesmaids and one Maid/Matron of Honor.  One bridemaid is local and is my Future Sister-In-Law and the other two live in Los Angeles (I’m in SF).  I knew my Future Sister-In-Law would not pay for her own dress because she is a grad student and doesn’t work so I offered to pay for my others dresses since it wouldn’t be fair to just pay for my Future Sister-In-Law.  If given the chance, I probably wouldn’t pay but given the fact that two are traveling to SF to attend my wedding which did factor into my decision.  I think you should be clear with your BMs about what you’re covering ahead of time.  I think I’ve gotten myself into a tough situation with paying for my Future Sister-In-Law…I know she expects makeup and mani/pedi too! 

Post # 14
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think you have to ask each maid. As is the popular opinion. If they would appricate you purchasing the dress in leiu of any other gift. I would appriciate you asking me what I’d prefer. I personally would say. Thanks for asking but I don’t have a problem purchasing my own dress as that’s what I figured would happen since accepting my position as your Bridesmaid or Best Man.

Post # 16
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@NinaS: This is also a great way to figure out if you’re asking too much on a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress. If you wouldn’t want to cough up the cash, your BM’s might not want to cough up that much either. 🙂

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