- 6 years ago
So I have a dilemma. My niece who is 5 years younger than I am is going to be in my wedding. We are very close and I love her dearly.
It has however pretty much been a bit of a struggle with her.
First after having to pay for my mother’s burial, my FDHs 3 medical board exams, applying and flying back and forth to job interviews to where we are moving we are pretty much strapped in the budget department. I gave up on getting someone to do my makeup. I cut our guest list by 75 and we aren’t until further notice having any booze at the wedding. Which I know isn’t important to a lot of people but my FIs family are drinkers (not embarrassingly so, but it’s a big part of all their functions) and they are all traveling 13 hours to get to the middle of nowhere Eastern Kentucky for our wedding. Point is we are strapped and have had to make some serious budget cuts and sacrifices.
<br />First, my niece however wants to bring a guest. Not someone that we know, not even someone that she might know right now. Just anybody because she claims that she will feel awkward being there alone. She does not have a steady gf at this moment. Her relationships are off and on. And this statement doesn’t make sense because we are all pretty close and she will be with me and my other bridesmaids most of the day which are all people she knows very well. We have cut people out of our wedding that we would love to be there but both of our families are huge. We each only have our closest 5 friends coming. So I was a little annoyed at this. She even got upset when I said know pointing out that I’m letting my best friend bring a guest. This guest happens to be her boyfriend of 8 years!
<br />Secondly, we while looking for dresses she stated that if I made her wear a dress she would refuse to be in the wedding. That she said she should be on my FI’s side since she looks more like a boy. So, I am letting her wear a pair of dark grey pants and a dark blue shirt matching the bridesmaids. So, she is still on my side however.
<br />Thirdly, she got recently got upset with the date because it happens to be on one of her friend’s birthdays and asked me if we could move it to the next day.
<br />Lastly, her tattoos. I am not against tattoos. I have some. My fiancé has some. But she has become very upset because I have asked her to choose a shirt that buttons to the neck because she originally wanted the top 3 or 4 buttons undone.
<br />Before anyone bashes me there is a very good reason.
<br />The tattoo that I am most worried about is the one of her upper chest that is very visible in a lot of shirts. This tattoo is of a panther, with a dagger through its mouth that has the words, “F*ck like a beast” all around it. The “f*ck” being at the very top of her chest. In very, very large font. Am I being mean in the fact that I do not want that word in all my photos? I do not want my FIs deeply catholic grandmother to see it, his other very religious Baptist grandparents, nor all of my very old, very old regular Baptist aunts and uncles to see it. I’m not very religious but honestly when we take group pictures I don’t want that word to stick out. <br />I have tried to compromise on the shirt and just asked her to use liquid latex and makeup. I can actually cover up tattoos very well this way. I worked at Disney and had to cover up one the entire time I was there. But she refuses. She said I should love her the way she is and that I shouldn’t be ashamed of her or her tattoos. I do love her. But I feel like she is just being oppositional just because.
<br />I haven’t even mentioned to her the tattoo of a person hanging from a tree. It is like a silhouette tattoo. And she says that it is meant to represent suicide awareness and prevention. A lot of people have mistaken it for a man getting lynched! My FIs grandmother had a brother that hung himself from a tree.
Am I being too harsh? Should I just deal? I’ve worked so hard not to be a bridezilla. I wanted an all pie dessert table but changed my mind when I had a sister of mine get upset because she only likes cake. I didn’t get my dream dress because I wanted to be able to pay for the makeup and hair for my bridesmaids. I’m not even getting my own makeup done because it was like an extra $200.
Don’t get me wrong I am not mad about paying for the funeral, makeup, or my FI’s board exams. It was stuff that had to be done. My mother died the day before Thanksgiving. I had made her favorite dessert and had made a special trip to Michigan from Kentucky to get food from her favorite restaurant. We were close. We decided to have the wedding in my hometown just for her because we knew she couldn’t handle the trip to Missouri where my Fiance is from. It has just been so stressful planning a wedding that I know my mother will not be there for. So maybe I am just overly stressed?
I don’t know. Am I being too mean?