(Closed) BM is cheating on her husband and he's finding out tonight

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

She told you this and asked you to keep it confidential and you blabbed?  Wow — if I were you, I’d be looking overmy shoulder for some shitty karma that’s about to come your way. 

It is wrong that she cheated and it is just as wrong of you to betray her trust in confiding in you. 

 

Post # 34
Member
8600 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

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Anonymous_Bee20:  I think its bullshit that people think you should have kept her dirty secret. Thats an unwanted burden to bear, as is involving you and you had every right to tell your Fiance.

Now your Fiance on the other hand… should have kept his mouth shut. But in the end… she dug this grave and now its her turn to lie in it.

Post # 36
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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Anonymous_Bee20:  If she always playd the victim, and blames others, that will probably happen to some extent when this comes out. I hate to tell you this, but you may have a hard time with this. Especially if she tries to blame you or make it your fault because you told your Fiance (I would have, and did, do the same thing. Its her own mess and she needs to clean it up) but you have to decide if you want to support her and keep her as a friend, or let her deal with her mess and not help her out by taking any blame. If she was having an affair,  and telling people to keep it a secret she was obviously trying to show it off, and thats not something to be proud of. If her husband is a jerk that is a good reason to go to counseling, not start sleeping with a coworker. Again, if I was youI would conpletely remove myself from all aspects of this situation. It is between the two of them. They obviously have some marital problems to work out, and having all of their friendsnoses right in their business will not help them work through this. 

Post # 37
Member
2769 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

OP, I feel bad for you being caught in the middle of this… But if her husband is borderline abusive, she could probably do with a heads-up. You had a bad dream and ‘accidentally’ told your Fiance (would it really be stretching it that much to say you said something as you were waking up from a dream super upset and he extrapolated?) and you’re worried that her husband is going to find out because of it. Bottom line. She made her bed and will be sleeping in it, but does she deserve possible violence? At least, let her have the heads-up. She may be mad at you, but she will probably try and connect dots afterwards.

Post # 38
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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Anonymous_Bee20:  honestly I can’t relate to how you’re feeling at all. One of my best friends cheated on her bf and she knew I did not support her decision to cheat. But she is my friend and was clearly going through something and I was there for her. She also used me as an alibi to go see her lover but didn’t tell me until after the fact. I did not go blab to my DH. She has since broken up with the guy she cheated on and then I did tell my DH, who had his suspiciouns but he never asked me because he said it was non of his business. But if my DH had asked me at the time of course I would have told him but I wouldn’t tell him just to ease my guilt because I wasn’t the one cheating so I didn’t feel guilty! Idk I think you should give your friend a heads up but if you don’t care for your friendship to her I guess it doesn’t matter.If you care about her definitely try to be there for her during this shit storm she’ll need someone. 

Post # 39
Member
3848 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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Anonymous_Bee20:   Her infidelity will be exposed sooner or later.  She alone is responsible for her actions and the inevitable fallout.  

Post # 40
Member
6317 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I would tell my husband too… I don’t get why people are jumping on you about that. But then my husband would not just go and blab to someone else… that’s a bit odd IMO.

In any case, she cheated.. she was dumb enough to do that, and then dumb enough to tell multiple people… she should not be surprised that it’s going to come out. She probably realizes this is going to come out and maybe even told multiple people on purpose… it’s her way out of a bad marriage.

Post # 42
Member
2229 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Eeek! Hope this doesn’t affect the wedding!

Post # 43
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

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Anonymous_Bee20:  I still think you need to tell her, for her and their sons sake, from the way you’ve described the husband.

Post # 44
Member
1708 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

 

Anonymous_Bee20:  it’s her own fault for telling multiple people. Secrets aren’t secrets if you go around and TELL everyone your business.

Like others, I think she’s talking about it to people because it’s wearing on her and she wants to be caught.

Post # 45
Member
554 posts
Busy bee

I would for sure tell my SO, op. Don’t stress. U didn’t make her cheat. If she told lots of ppl then there’s little chance she’ll track it to you. U did nothing wrong. She did.

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