(Closed) BM is really stressing me out..should I ask her to step down?Long..

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m so sorry that things are working out like that for you.  Honestly, I think it is a lose-lose situation.  It sounds like your friendship is going to be ruined either way so you might as well just tell her not to come.  Especially since it is a small wedding, you are going to have to have a lot of interaction with her even if she isn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  I hope that if you told her to stay away that she actually would and wouldn’t show up univited.  Do you think there is a possibility that she would do that?

Post # 4
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wow, I am in utter shock someone would act like this, let alone someone you were close enough to include in your bridal party. I agree, I would ask her not to attend. I would explain it that you have been really hurt by all of her actions (lay the guilt trip on!) and you just think it’s best if she didn’t attend and you’d be happy to reimburse her for her dress. I am so, so sorry you have to put up with this less than a WEEK before your wedding! After reading your situation, I need to stop complaining about my BMs! Have a beautiful wedding Saturday and congrats!

Post # 5
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

This is the first time I am ever recommending to kick out a Bridesmaid or Best Man. You absolutely qualify for kicking her out not only of the bridal party but the entire wedding. I totally agree with AsB, it is a lose-lose situation, you arent’ going to remain friends with her after the wedding and she has already proved to be 100% selfish and caused you a ton of stress and will cause you more on your wedding day so just kick her out.


Post # 6
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I think the big question is, do you want to be friends with this woman after the wedding?    You should only fire her as a bridesmaid if you’re OK with firing her as a friend too — and it sounds like you’ve reached that point.  Understandably, too.  Her behavior stinks.

Have you talked to your friend about how upset you are with the way she’s been acting — trying to change your bachelorette party behind your back, bullying you into including her married boyfriend, ignoring your calls?  If you haven’t told her that she’s acting horribly, she may have no idea how mad you are and why.  I know it should be obvious, but it sounds like your friend is pretty self-absorbed and she may have no clue how her behavior is affecting you.

I would suggest calling her and telling her that her plans for her hair and makeup are not OK because her timeline will cause her to miss the photos, and she needs to either schedule them earlier, or come to the church and take advantage of the person you hired.  Give her one last chance to get it together.  If she says no, explain to her that her behavior over the last few months has been awful, and this is the last straw.  Tell her she is welcome as a guest, but that she’s not a bridesmaid anymore and you’ll pay her back for the dress.

I’m sorry you have to deal with this — I hope this gets resolved so you can have a great wedding day!

Post # 7
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I don’t know what you should do (maybe it’s best that she won’t be on time for pictures given that it doesn’t sound like she’s someone who will be in your life for much longer), but I just wanted to say I’m sorry you’re going through this… she doesn’t sound like a very good friend.

Post # 8
368 posts
Helper bee

I’ve gone on plenty of rants about “it’s normally not an issue with you – you should talk to the Bridesmaid or Best Man, it’s probably something else going on that doesn’t have to do with you/wedding, etc.” because I had a Bridesmaid or Best Man issue come up and I almost kicked her out, but it was easily fixed.

I agree with Moderndaisy – this is the first time I feel okay about saying “kick her out!” it sounds like she is acting like a spoiled rotten brat, and to be honest, your wedding day is about celebrating the love between you and Fiance. If she’s not there to support you, then she doesn’t deserve to be there at all.

Post # 9
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Kick her out.  If she is capable of being this mean to you while you have been so understanding and gave her the honor of being a bridesmaid in the first place, I don’t think you want her as a friend anyway.  with friends like those…

Sorry you’re going through this, and I hope your wedding is an incredibly happy time and you can try to forget about this negativity.

Post # 10
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’d kick her out too. But be prepared if she decides to show up and ruin your day. Make sure you have some nice big strong guys that know whats going on to escort her off the property if she does make an apperance.

All in all a horrible a situation.

Post # 11
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

wow I normally say never kick out a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but if you don’t think you want to stay friends with her, and given her behavior, I say go ahead….

Post # 12
177 posts
Blushing bee

I can’t remotely think of a reason that would make it ok for her to act like this. I also agree with the other girls that this might be the ONE time kicking the Bridesmaid or Best Man out is ok. I just hope she doesn’t make it worse.

Post # 13
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I had a very similar situation with my Maid/Matron of Honor. She decided that my wedding was going to be all about her, and that i was a terrible person for not agreeing. She laid on the guilt every time I wanted to spend time with my fiance (she and I worked together daily…we spent plenty of time together). She texted/facebooked/emailed me dozens of times per day, disagreed with every choice I made, and was furious with the fact that all I wanted to talk about was the wedding (I had JUST gotten engaged…) Eventually I ended up asking her to step down. This wasn’t a decision I took lightly, but at the end of the day, I needed to enjoy the planning of my own wedding, and not be consumed by how she felt. She threw the tantrum of the decade at work the following day (even though when I told her, outside of work, she completely agreed that it was the best decision), and she hasn’t spoken to me since.

I’m happy to have my life back, and to be able to plan/enjoy my engagement period, but I agreed with MelissaB. Asking her to ‘step down’ is fine…if you’re prepared to have her ‘step down’ as a friend as well.

Post # 14
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Also…be prepared to have her wear the Maid/Matron of Honor dress to EVERY function between now and the wedding…at least, that’s what happened in my situation.

Post # 15
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Wow, Smarties are you serious?? Jeez! Good for you sticking up for yourself, that takes a lot of gutz. And I bet it’s a huge weight off your shoulders now that she’s not breathing down your neck.

What is wrong with people?? Can’t you just be unselfish for 1 day out of the year??

Post # 16
11826 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

I would definitely ask her to step down.  She is not being a friend.  She will do nothing but ruin your day.

The topic ‘BM is really stressing me out..should I ask her to step down?Long..’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors