Post # 1
Ugh, I dont get it. I told my girls to pick a dress in X color and shoes in Y color, but with parameters. I only have 4 bridesmaids, and three of them are sending me ideas, asking my opinion, looking for feedback. The fourth is doing it too, but I told her I really didn’t care for these shoes she sent me. She just let me know she bought them anyway even though I didn’t like them, and thinks they’ll work. She wants me to see them and give my blessing, but I already know that this isn’t the shoe.
I’m now rescinding my offer to go buck wild with the selections. I’m going to have to pick a selection of dresses and a selection of shoes for them to pick from, and it breaks my heart a little. Frustrating.
Anyone else been through this?
Post # 3
@KristenGotMarried: No, I haven’t…but I want to do the “pick your own” (and I haven’t told them yet!) Your situation is the very reason I haven’t said anything yet.
I think I’ll try to go shopping with each of them (assuming that’s possible!) when they pick out their dresses/shoes.
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable; after all it is YOUR wedding. I would maybe send a few styles of shoes you like and tell her to find similar ones.
Sorry I couldn’t be of more help
Post # 4
@KristenGotMarried: Why not just let her wear the shoes? Honestly no ones going to notice them anyway..theyll all be looking at you.
Post # 4
i am doing mismatched bridesmaid dresses, and let my girls know i’d be picking out several options for each of them to choose from. i have one bridesmaid who does not seem to get this and just bought her own dress without showing it to me. it wasn’t even one of the wedding colors! she returned it, but then she did the same thing TWO MORE TIMES.
are they purposely trying to drive us nuts?
Post # 5
Also, Im giving my bridesmaid this option of pick your own dress as long as its not shiny and its pink. Im really hoping my friend who keeps picking out coral colored dresses at least lets me see hers before she buys it.
Post # 6
If you don’t want them to pick their own shoes or dress, and you can’t live with their choice (as long as it falls within your parameters), then don’t tell them they can pick their own.
Post # 7
not really. i told my girls to get lavender dresses from dessy and they did. one of them had a sash that could have come in a different color, like white, but i vetoed it and she didn’t say anything. i thought a white sash would look weird on only one of them. then i suggested silver shoes, but said as long they can walk down the aisle on the beach, i was not picky nor cared. well everyone got like one to two inch heels. i was like, i just hope you can walk! and they could no problem so everything was fine. i was really not picky though. even for dress length, i said it can be any you want. they all ended up getting somewhat similar dresses that in hindsight i probably could have chosen one for them. but i didnt want to deal with that added stress, especially because i was not there to go with them.
@KristenGotMarried: what do the shoes look like that you don’t like?
Post # 8
@julies1949: Totally agree; the only thing is that these weren’t at all in the parameters I was going for. And she asked my opinion, I told her I didn’t care for them, and she went ahead and ordered them anyway.
I may take a step back and go back to the drawing board. I gave them an inspiration photo, but maybe I need to go further.
Post # 9
I know exactly what you’re dealing with! I thought I would be really nice and give my girls the option to get whatever they wanted for a shoe, as long as it was a gold shoe.
Well my one bridesmaid then decides to keep sending me links to shoes she likes, and while technically there is some gold on them, they are not gold wedding shoes! They were all super casual cork wedges with a thin gold strap. Not a gold shoe at all, you could barely see the gold strap. While yes, most people don’t look at the shoes, it would’ve been really weird compared to the other girls shoes and so I nixed the idea. She eventually ended up finding some shoes she was comfortable with that were actually gold 🙂
I just wanted to say that I don’t think you are doing anything wrong by sticking to what you want. Yes, you are giving them a choice, but it’s still your wedding and so as long as you are nice about it then I would just try to help her find something else that suits your vision more. Good luck!
Post # 10
@KristenGotMarried: Haha yes this is why I am doing mismatched bridesmaids and then giving them a choice of about 4 dresses to choose from. I was originally going to let them choose their own but the dresses they were showing me were just not cute at all…. I also don’t understand why this is so hard sometimes lol
Post # 11
Wait but…you told them they could buy whatever, and she did, and now you’re telling her she has to buy something else? I’d be kinda upset.
Post # 12
@socalmeli: she didn’t say they could buy whatever, she gave them parameters. And she told her Bridesmaid or Best Man that the shoe didn’t fit the parameters before she bought them and the Bridesmaid or Best Man bought them anyway….. this is my understanding anyways
Post # 13
How is the shoe outside of your parameters. I can understand if it is like a clear lucite 8 inch stripper platform. Give us an idea.
Post # 14
I don’t really think it’s fair to tell someone they can pick what they want and then tell them you don’t like it (provided it’s not inappropriate for decency, etc.) If you want something specific, pick it out and tell them to wear it. They will.
Post # 15
This is why I backed out of the mismatched thing. I told them I would let them pick their own, but when I went shopping with 3 of them, I got a little overwhelmed and realized it would just be easier if I picked one dress myself. Luckily they were good sports and didn’t complain when I went back on it.