(Closed) BM is ruining the ‘pick your own!’ for everyone else…

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@KristenGotMarried: No, I haven’t…but I want to do the “pick your own” (and I haven’t told them yet!) Your situation is the very reason I haven’t said anything yet.

I think I’ll try to go shopping with each of them (assuming that’s possible!) when they pick out their dresses/shoes.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable; after all it is YOUR wedding. I would maybe send a few styles of shoes you like and tell her to find similar ones.

Sorry I couldn’t be of more help 

Post # 4
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@KristenGotMarried: Why not just let her wear the shoes? Honestly no ones going to notice them anyway..theyll all be looking at you. 

Post # 4
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

i have.

i am doing mismatched bridesmaid dresses, and let my girls know i’d be picking out several options for each of them to choose from.  i have one bridesmaid who does not seem to get this and just bought her own dress without showing it to me.  it wasn’t even one of the wedding colors! she returned it, but then she did the same thing TWO MORE TIMES. 

are they purposely trying to drive us nuts?

Post # 5
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Also, Im giving my bridesmaid this option of pick your own dress as long as its not shiny and its pink. Im really hoping my friend who keeps picking out coral colored dresses at least lets me see hers before she buys it. 

Post # 6
Member
46670 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you don’t want them to pick their own shoes or dress, and you can’t live with their choice (as long as it falls within your parameters), then don’t tell them they can pick their own.

Post # 7
Member
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

not really. i told my girls to get lavender dresses from dessy and they did. one of them had a sash that could have come in a different color, like white, but i vetoed it and she didn’t say anything.  i thought a white sash would look weird on only one of them.  then i suggested silver shoes, but said as long they can walk down the aisle on the beach, i was not picky nor cared.  well everyone got like one to two inch heels.  i was like, i just hope you can walk! and they could no problem so everything was fine.  i was really not picky though.  even for dress length, i said it can be any you want.  they all ended up getting somewhat similar dresses that in hindsight i probably could have chosen one for them. but i didnt want to deal with that added stress, especially because i was not there to go with them.

@KristenGotMarried:  what do the shoes look like that you don’t like?

Post # 9
Member
377 posts
Helper bee

I know exactly what you’re dealing with! I thought I would be really nice and give my girls the option to get whatever they wanted for a shoe, as long as it was a gold shoe.

Well my one bridesmaid then decides to keep sending me links to shoes she likes, and while technically there is some gold on them, they are not gold wedding shoes! They were all super casual cork wedges with a thin gold strap. Not a gold shoe at all, you could barely see the gold strap. While yes, most people don’t look at the shoes, it would’ve been really weird compared to the other girls shoes and so I nixed the idea. She eventually ended up finding some shoes she was comfortable with that were actually gold 🙂

I just wanted to say that I don’t think you are doing anything wrong by sticking to what you want. Yes, you are giving them a choice, but it’s still your wedding and so as long as you are nice about it then I would just try to help her find something else that suits your vision more. Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@KristenGotMarried: Haha yes this is why I am doing mismatched bridesmaids and then giving them a choice of about 4 dresses to choose from.  I was originally going to let them choose their own but the dresses they were showing me were just not cute at all…. I also don’t understand why this is so hard sometimes lol

Post # 11
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Wait but…you told them they could buy whatever, and she did, and now you’re telling her she has to buy something else?  I’d be kinda upset.

Post # 12
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@socalmeli:  she didn’t say they could buy whatever, she gave them parameters. And she told her Bridesmaid or Best Man that the shoe didn’t fit the parameters before she bought them and the Bridesmaid or Best Man bought them anyway….. this is my understanding anyways

Post # 13
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee

How is the shoe outside of your parameters.  I can understand if it is like a clear lucite 8 inch stripper platform.  Give us an idea.

Post # 14
Member
2542 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t really think it’s fair to tell someone they can pick what they want and then tell them you don’t like it (provided it’s not inappropriate for decency, etc.) If you want something specific, pick it out and tell them to wear it. They will.

Post # 15
Member
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This is why I backed out of the mismatched thing. I told them I would let them pick their own, but when I went shopping with 3 of them, I got a little overwhelmed and realized it would just be easier if I picked one dress myself. Luckily they were good sports and didn’t complain when I went back on it.

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