(Closed) BM isn't spending night at hotel after bach party. Should she still pay?

posted 4 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
6873 posts
Busy Beekeeper

If she really wants to you can’t stop her, but I certainly wouldn’t request it and don’t think it’s at all necessary.  Sounds like she wants to though… how much is it?

Post # 3
75 posts
Worker bee

She sounds like a good friend to me! Would she be giving the money to you or your MOH? If she’d be paying you- and if I were in your shoes- I would absolutely not accept her money unless it was putting me out financially due to the last minute notice. I think the fact that she genuinely offered is the most important part, and I’d want to keep the friendship mutually thoughtful/supportive by turning down her money. 


But if she’d be paying your Maid/Matron of Honor then just let your Maid/Matron of Honor decide for herself, especially if those two arent actually close with each other.  

Post # 4
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

If she had previously committed to it and plans were made with the expectation that her contribution would affect the per-person rate, then it’s reasonable for her to pay.

That said, if the Maid/Matron of Honor wants to cover her share, she’s also welcome to do that.

It seems like a pretty pointless back-and-forth now; it’s been established that everyone is willing to be generous, so if the Bridesmaid or Best Man still wants to pay after her first offer was declined, that’s fine. If she takes the Maid/Matron of Honor up on her offer and decides not to pay, that’s also fine.

The only issue I would have here is if the Maid/Matron of Honor meant for the other BMs to pay more, and made the offer without consulting them. Generosity is great, but only generosity with your own money.

Post # 5
9575 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

No. Leave this up to the host and her. 

Post # 7
1294 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t know if she should or not, but I know if I were the Bridesmaid or Best Man and everything was booked already, I would insist on paying my share as well. 

Post # 9
6167 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017


View original reply
ceo715 :  if nothings been finalized and you might have more friends coming, I don’t think it’s fair to have her pay still. Tell her to buy you a couple of drinks and a lap dance and call it even.

Post # 10
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think it is lovely that your Bridesmaid or Best Man offered to pay for her portion however I think given that numbers are not finalised, it would be fine to skip her share and reproportion the costs. 

Post # 11
3233 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

If she previously agreed to pay, I think Bridesmaid or Best Man should still have to. Her plans changed but she still made a commitment and I don’t believe it’s right for Maid/Matron of Honor to be on the hook. However, if she had never committed to paying then it’s different. But really you as the guest of honor should not be involved in this.

Post # 12
13722 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Your friend gave plenty of notice. No one had any idea at this point of the final costs or who was coming. IMO Maid/Matron of Honor should not accept your friend’s generous offer. 

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