Post # 1
Hi ladies, this is a bit of a rant so apologies in advance!
I am getting married in 2016 & have been engaged since May & to be honest I feel like every decision I make someone has a problem with it.
I decided to have 2 bm’s at first to keep things simple (even though I wanted 4) I was going to have 1 sister & 1 friend but my older sister taught it was unfair to ask 1 sister when I had 2 so I said I’d ask her even though I knew she didn’t want to do it.. She then told me she was happy not to do it so I decided to go with what I really wanted & have 4 so asked 2 of my oldest friends who have been great since I got engaged if they would be bm aswell but now one of my other friends thinks I left her out. We are a group of 7 & I asked the 3 girls I grew up with but because one of the other girls is in Australia & another doesn’t be out with us that much it can be the 5 of us sometimes but I’ve tried to explain to my friend who’s upset that I can’t have everyone.. I’ve also had my future MIL telling me that my h2b sister was disappointed not to be asked!!! Seriously do they want me to have 9 bm’s…
The thing is my friend was fine when she taught it was just my sister & 2 of the girls being bm but when I told her I had asked the other girl she said it was very mean & I had left her out.. I will admit I picked a bad time to say it as it was just the 5 of us & we were after having a few drinks. But as it had been a couple of weeks & she still didn’t know I just felt she should know.. Anyway she got upset that night but was ok so I called to her on my own 2 days later to explain to her that I couldn’t have everybody & that I was sorry if she felt left out but I never meant for that, the way I see it is that there’s 7 of us that are good friends so it wasn’t as if I specifically left her out, I just didn’t want to have any more than 4 bm’s! Also one of the other girls is also getting married (which is another story!!) but has asked this friend to be her bm so I said this to her to which she said ‘don’t be trying to make excuses we don’t even know if that wedding will happen!
To be honest I did feel bad for her but some of the things she said to me weren’t very nice & I think she is being very bitter about the whole thing.. she can be an extremely selfish person who loves drama so im not really surprised but at the end of the day she is a good friend, I just wish she could be happy for me as I still want her to be part of my day!
Post # 2
1) your friends sound like teenagers. Who the hell would complain and bitch about not being a BM? That’s so rude and immature. Everyone with their head firmly on their shoulders knows you can’t pick alllll the ladies you love.
2) I don’t know why you opened pandoras box this early for your May 2016!!! wedding. You def should have waited till 9-12 months out- this is just way too much time to hem and haw about a wedding.
Post # 3
Um, to answer your question, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for a bride to …pick bridesmaids.
I understand that some allowances might be made for the sake of family politics and every bride has to figure that out for herself, based on what kind of relationship politics at stake.
But I think the bigger issue here is that you may need to be more assertive and definitive with your planning and you need to stop worrying so much about pleasing others. If you wanted 4 BM, have 4 BM. You can’t and never will please everyone, certainly not when it comes to your wedding. You are much better off setting up boundaries so that everyone is clear on their expectations. You cannot control other people’s happiness, so if your friend cannot be happy for you and the fact she will be included in the celebration as a guest, then too bad for her.
Post # 4
It’s 2014. Your wedding is in 2016. I think maybe you should relax a bit. And also cut your sentences into more manageable bite size pieces. Yup.
Post # 5
I don’t think you are unfair in this … Have you considered having the other 2 be attendants? …. My best friend just got married and when she got engaged I basically assumed myself as a bridesmaid i said it without thinking and she had to explain to me she was just having her and her fiancés sisters… I felt bad bc I shouldn’t have assumed that but I wasn’t hurt by it at all. In the end she ended up making me and friends attendants basically we came and partied with her at her bachlorette party and we came to rehersal so we knew who needed to be where and when to help everything run smoothly and rehersal dinner where she gave us each a gift (w. Was sweet of her) then on wedding day we just greeted guest and pinned flowers on grandpatents and helped keep the flower on cue and calm and made sure her train and dress was laid out perfect for her to walk… We just wore black dresses (color she requested of our choice)
Post # 6
Mrsk2be2016: You shouldn’t have to pick a BM because someone said you need to, simple as that.