(Closed) BM lost her job. Should I ask her if she still wants to be a bm?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2067 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would just have an honest talk with her.  She’ll know how much she can handle.  If you’re asking her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, you guys should be close enough that you can have that kind of talk

Post # 4
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would reach out to her – as a friend first, bride second. Take your friend to lunch and just have an honest conversation with her about her job situation and how she’s handling it. If it seems appropriate, offer that if things are too financially tight for her, that you’d completely understand if she no longer wants to be a bridesmaid. I’d leave the ultimate decision up to her, because only she knows what she can afford and maybe she’s willing to do anything to make it to your wedding and still be a bridesmaid. But most importantly, she’s your friend and she’s going through a tough time so you should be there for her. 

Post # 5
Member
1829 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would just wait for a bit and see if she brings it up.   You never know, she may land a new job soon and then it might all be for naught.   I think it’s a fine line you need to tread here as you don’t want to make assumptions that she has no money, but you don’t want her to feel obligated to partake when she really can’t afford it.  

As best you can, I’d be a supportive friend and try to leave lines of communication open so she feels comfortable telling you that she can’t be in your wedding party if that’s what it comes to.

Post # 6
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Ree723: Agree with all of this.  If it becomes a problem, she should bring it up.  Don’t put pressure on her about it.  She might feel like you don’t want her there and that’s likely the last thing she needs right now.

Post # 8
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with Jenlon and Msbadger….have a talk with her as a friend and ask her if she’ll able to handle being in the wedding. I really feel bad for her because I was laid off from my FT job in May of last year with little notice (and have been working a handful of PT jobs since) but with enough warning timewise, I’ve been able to work everything out for the wedding.

Being a Bridesmaid or Best Man in a wedding isn’t too taxing financially (compared to being Maid/Matron of Honor or the bride herself), so if you have an honest talk with her (not just assume that things are as they were before), she may be able to ask friends and family for help with the dress and what not. People have a funny way of finding ways to make it work :). Best of luck!

Post # 9
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

agree with all the pp just have a chat with her, see how she is going.

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