(Closed) BM? More like BS! (vent)

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

When you needed to change your wedding plans due to your pregnancy, I’m afraid that the only way you could avoid hurting your bridesmaids’ feelings were to leave all four bridesmaids in the wedding (and perhaps give them less formal, non-matching dresses to make it match your revised vision) or to cut the entire bridal party or to cut the bridal party down to only siblings.  The alternative – cutting two of the girls while leaving the other two – leaves room for the other two to feel left out and less important to you than the ones who remain.  I think you should apologize to them and hope that they can get over it.   

Post # 5
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think her feelings are just hurt because she may feel you picked the other 2 over her. I agree with professorbee. Apologize and wait for things to blow over. = )

Post # 6
2765 posts
Sugar bee

You really really don’t need an even number of people on each side…  you can’t even tell in pictures when there’s an uneven bridal party!

Post # 7
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

ya, sorry but i would be sooo hurt if a friend asked me to be a bridesmaid and then rescinded the offer a few months later, regardless of the situation…is symmetry in your wedding party really more important than your friendships? also, congrats on your pregnancy!

Post # 8
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I understand that you had to change plans because you’re pregnant, but I don’t see how you really had to cut down the BMs.  If money is the issue, the BMs usually pay for their stuff.  It might mean that you pay for more Bridesmaid or Best Man bouquets.  But you could DIY some bouquets or do something really simple.  Then it’s more a matter of buying gifts for them.  (And you can still be creative and bargain shop, or maybe make something yourself.  Not to mention, if you’re expecting and money is tight, I’d think they’d understand if you didn’t spend a ton on them.)

It’s hard enough being kicked out of a wedding party, when the Bridesmaid or Best Man knows she’s been a jerk, or unavailable, or whatever the reasons are.  But to be kicked out when you haven’t done anything wrong, is pretty hard.  And I agree, that the two who got kicked out, most likely feel like they were low women on the totem pole.

Sorry.  I don’t hink you meant anything intentionally.  But I would either try to have them all or no one.  I’m getting the impression that your Fiance really wants his brothers, so I’d try to include them all.

Post # 9
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I know you are not going to want to hear this, but my feeling would be hurt as well. Especially if I was cut because you wanted even sides. That’s a really crappy reason. She didn’t do anything to deserve being kicked out, so I’m sure she feels like y’all are not that good of friends, etc. because you kept the other people. I would apologize and then wait for her to forgive you. 

Post # 10
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think my feelings would also be hurt. I have an uneven wedding party, 4 bm and 5 gm. I’ve been to wedding with an uneven bridal party as well and it works out great and mr. bee is right, you can’t really tell in pictures. 

Post # 11
2634 posts
Sugar bee

My feelings would be hurt as well.  Just because they didn’t buy their dress (yet) or plan any parties for you doesn’t mean they aren’t good BM’s, or good friends even.  Cutting someone from your bridal party is a huge deal and it wouldn’t be something I would do just to make the sides even.  If it were me, I’d be begging for my friends forgiviness at this point.

Post # 12
278 posts
Helper bee

My feelings would be hurt too.  Especially if you made a decision without speaking to all the BMs beforehand.  I think if money was the issue and they still wanted to be a part of your party, they’d compromise with you without having you cut down the party.

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