(Closed) BM never paid for her dress… Now what?

posted 10 years ago in Dress
Post # 3
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

You should bring it up. Do you think she just forgot?

Don’t do it in email, just the next time you two are together, mention it: "hey, when do you think you’ll be able to pay me back for your dress?" And judge by her reaction, offer to take half now half later or whatever… I know when you’re waiting on the right moment to talk about something it can be tough not to be nervous, but just assume that she forgot and it’s not that she’s trying to swindle you.

I’m assuming she had the chance to decline being a Bridesmaid or Best Man earlier if she simply couldn’t afford/didn’t want to pay for the dress. 

Post # 5
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I think you need to mention it as well. Just say so the dress was this much and if you need to pay me in installments that is fine but I do need the money. Be open and honest if she is one of your best friends she should be understanding.

Post # 7
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

i tihnk it’s okay to do it over the phone.  it might be awkward to call JUST to ask about for the money so i would casually bring it up during one of your regular phone calls.

Post # 8
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

Over the phone is fine, tell us how it goes over!

Post # 9
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Was the only time you mentioned the reimbursement of the dresses the time you sent the e-mail to everyone?  Is it possible she didn’t get the e-mail or just missed that part?  Had she ever responded that she understood/agreed?  Maybe she was unaware of typical bridesmaid expenses or has only been in a wedding or two.  (And the bride or her own parents have paid for the dresses in the past.)  Do you know of any recent financial hardship? 

I have experienced people not paying me back for things before too. It sucks when you’re trying to make things more convenient and get stuck holding the bag.  I don’t know about your friend, but most of the people that owed me money are kind of spacy.  So I asked them for the money.  I felt bad, but they were fine with it and paid me. 

Good luck. 

Post # 10
Member
1045 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2008

If you can afford it, I would say to just let it go, and just consider it one of your wedding expenses.  She might be having financial difficulties that you don’t know about.

Post # 11
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I would just do it over the phone or email her.  I was married in August and the night before the wedding I spent the night in a hotel room at the W with all of my BM’s, two months after the wedding only one had paid me back (we were splitting it evenly).  After talking to my husband and the one Bridesmaid or Best Man who did pay, I decided to send a friendly reminder email, and that night all three had email me back with "OMG, so sorry, completely forgot!" and I had their checks by the end of the week.  Believe it or not, people actually do forget big things!

Post # 12
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Oh crap!  You could very well have been my friend, talking about me (several years ago).  I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man once a long time ago, long before I was wedding savvy, and I just didn’t think it was a big deal to pay for the dress (similar circumstances).  I mean, I forgot about it, but then when I realized it, I didn’t think it was a big deal, so I just never brought it up–I figured my friend would have said something if it had been, you know? NOW I realize that every little piece is part of a huge and detailed budget, but back then… I just didn’t think about it.  

So my advice would be to send an email, maybe something like, "hey I was just reconciling our wedding budget, and I just wanted to check with you about the $$$ for the dres."  

I know it can be super awkward to talk about money (my August bride friend owes me $300 for things I paid on her behalf, and I think I’ll just let it go because I have allowed so much time to pass without saying anything!), but most people will react to a "friendly reminder" with a quick apology and payment.  

Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
30 posts
Newbee

I agree with Kara321.  I would just casually ask over email.  If you don’t get a response, I would just let it go if you can afford it. 

Post # 14
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

If this happened to me, I could see myself letting it go.  I’m sure she contributed a lot to your big day, and I dont know if I could bring it up again!  Unless it’s causing you great financial strain, perhaps you could let this one pass? 

Post # 15
Member
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

This actually happened to one of us with one of our BMs and it’s just kinda weird to bring it up, so we just forgot about it because we didn’t want to deal with the uncomfortableness.

Post # 16
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

hi.

i actually have a different point of view. i know you and your bridesmaids have arranged/decided that thebridesmaids pay for their dresses however my view is that. why does the bridesmaid have to pay for her dress??

 

my best friend… she is broke, getting married however she asked me to be Maid/Matron of Honor and i declined because she wanted the bridesmaids to wear $300 and for us to pay for them. because of that very reason iam not a Maid/Matron of Honor for my best friend and she is very upset however i did not tell her thats the reason because i did not want her to offer to pay for it just because i couldnt afford it. she is broke herself. 

 

anyway my point is. i dont understand why bridesmaids have to pay for their own dresses. THEY ARE BUYING A DRESS YOU WANT FOR YOUR EVENT AND ITS A DRESS THEY NORMALLY WOULD WEAR ONLY ONCE TO YOUR WEDDING. its not sumthing they normally can wear time and time again and it feels like from my point of view if iam buying the dress.. then i get to pick the colour/style/brand and what type of dress and however much money i want to spend on it. e.g if i accepted to be bridesmaid and paying for the dress then i get to chose wich store i buy it from weither the dress is $500 or $50 as long as it follows the brides guidelines for example… the brides guidelines can be.. black and white tie formal long dress that the lenght goes to your toes that has neautral tones. so basically any colour between brown,black grey etc.   i find it unfair for the bridesmaids to dish out $$$ for a dress the bride picks or forces you to wear or a dress you spent $300 for and you can only wear once to your wedding only   because then that makes it the brides dress and should b the expence of the bride. IF U WANT SOMEONE TO WEAR SOMETHING IN PARTICULAR that they gtg pay for themselves then i think that its in your wallet and if you cant afford it then let the bridesmaids wear what they want according to your guide and if its apropriate and they pay for it.  

 

if i get married i would never let my bridemaid pay for her dress because i know what it feels like to be forced to pay/buy sumthing just for the bride. also ontop of that because i was the brides best friend i also wanted 2 buy her a really nice gift. i also have to spend alot of $$$ for her high tea, hens night and gifts ontop of the dress.. all up high tea, $100 +hens is going to be $125+ gifts wich iam spending $150 on and ontop of that i gtg pay for the bridesmaid dress,bag,shoes that total up to $400 so all up for me to be my bst friends Maid/Matron of Honor i had to spend at least $750 IN TOTAL. that is why i declined and it was very hard for me to decline because she is a loner and has no other close friends. all her other friends she doesnt talk/see much off and iam her only close friend. 

 

MAYB your friend couldnt decline. for me i first accepted because she didnt tell me all the costs involved. but once she told me i changed my mind and it was very difficult to do. it upset her alot and it has put abit of a rift in our friendship. MAYBE SHE REALLY COULDNT AFFORD IT BUT COULDNT SAY NO TO DISAPOINT YOU???? 

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