(Closed) BM not attending bachelorette party?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

I think it’s ok if she doesn’t go. If she’s not going to be comfortable and have a good time why force her to go and be miserable and bring others down?

I’d say let her do what she wants.

Post # 4
404 posts
Helper bee

@dessilove:  She doesn’t have to go if she doesn’t feel comfortable.  Totally understandable!  Besides, she wouldn’t be much fun if she did go, because she wouldn’t really be into it.  

Post # 5
3276 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

She shouldn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to. I would have done the same thing she is doing. I’d tell her that’s fine. 

Post # 6
1557 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@dessilove:  It is completely understandable and okay for a bridesmaid to opt out of a portion of a bachelorette party she is uncomfortable with, especially if it involves something of an erotic nature.


Post # 7
295 posts
Helper bee

It’s not a rule that BMs have to go to any pre-wedding event. If she is uncomfortable, either find something else to do or don’t worry about it.

Post # 8
2445 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think it’s fine that she doesn’t go. I’m sure the bride would understand, if she knows her friend. It’s nice that she can at least be a part of the evening in some way.

Post # 9
3026 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Absolutely fine!

Post # 10
3785 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would opt out of it too, seeing as Darling Husband and I have a no-stripper agreement. Maybe it’s something between her and her SO?

Post # 11
9549 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Of course it’s okay if she only wants to go for the happy hour! Nobody should be forced to do something they may not be comfortable with!

Post # 12
490 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

No not at all! If she’s uncomfortable don’t make her go. 

My bachelorette party is this weekend and one of my BMs can’t make it because she just gave birth last weekend. As far as I’m concerned, she’s definitely not expected to do anything other than take care of her new little man right now.

Basically the only event that any bridesmaid has to attend is the wedding – everything else is optional. 

Post # 13
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think its fine, mainly because I wouldn’t want to go either.

Agreeing to be someone’s Bridesmaid or Best Man doesn’t automatically mean you have to do things you wouldn’t otherwise do. I wouldn’t want to go, but that’s not out of potential discomfort, its because it doesn’t sound fun..

To my knowledge there’s no rule that you must jump when the bride says jump.

Post # 14
1916 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I don’t think she obligated to go if she is not comfortable.  

Post # 15
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@dessilove:  No one on this planet is required to go watch a bunch of hairless, greased up dancers swing their tally whackers around to music.

Post # 16
10267 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

As you read here often, an invitation, even to a wedding, is not a summons.   The only commitment a Bridesmaid or Best Man has made is to show up at the wedding, and if possible, the rehearsal.   She only needs to RSVP yes or no to a  bachelorette party invitation.   She doesn’t have to justify her reasons, which may or may not be personal, to anyone.

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