(Closed) BM not coming to rehearsal dinner?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

i definitely don’t think this is grounds for dismissing a bridesmaid.  maybe you should try talking to her first and tell her how important it is to you to be there for the rehearsal.  maybe she’s clueless and doesn’t realize it’s a big deal.  also, if she can’t make it to the rehearsal after all, it isn’t the end of the world. 

Post # 4
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Its really not the end of the world.  I had a Bridesmaid or Best Man who couldn’t come to my rehearsal.  It’s not like someone can’t fill her in on where to stand.  All she needs to do is walk in, stand, walk out – I bet she can handle it!

If she just got a new job, I can understand her not wanting to ask off for anymore time than absolutely necessary.  No one wants to start a new job off on the wrong foot!

Post # 5
1210 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would have to know more about the situation. But honestly, I’m a bit put off by your assertion that one of your main problems with her is that she didn’t give you a gift. That sounds kind of greedy.

Has she been out of work for awhile? Short on cash? Perhaps her being offered the job was contingent on her being able to work that evening, and being able to pay her bills was more urgent in her mind then attending your rehearsal? I do think she has a responsiblity to make the rehearsal dinner, but maybe she didn’t feel comfortable requesting time off right off the bat. If she needs the money/job, that tends to trump her obligation to you.

Post # 6
41 posts
  • Wedding: October 2010

Starting any new job can be quite a balancing act, especially with already set-in-stone dates for  time off. Add in to that a non-9-5 job, wedding party duties, and you’ve got a lot of priorities in the mix! Is she making it to the rehearsal itself? Maybe you could do a pre-rehearsal rehearsal for her if not. But really, I’d be OK with a Bridesmaid or Best Man missing the rehearsal dinner. It’s the wedding day itself that really counts!

I’d also put aside the gift/card issue for now. If she just got a new job, perhaps the bridal party financial obligations have taken a toll? Or she’s getting you something to give to you closer to the wedding? Does the gift part really matter so much as her support?

Post # 7
3943 posts
Honey bee

Could she be hurting for money and thats why she wasn’t able to buy you a gift or take a night off from work? It’s really not a big deal to miss the rehersal dinner. Like someone else mentioned, the girls just need to stand in order and walk.

Post # 8
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Is she coming to the rehearsal and just not to the dinner?  If that is the case, definitely cut her some slack.  The dinner is really just meant to be a thank you to your bridal party for being a part of your wedding so try not to hold it against her if she can’t attend.  Even if she can’t come to the rehearsal, she’ll be able to learn on the wedding day what she needs to do.  The other girls can fill her in.  I want to point out, I would be REALLY frustrated too if one of my bridesmaids couldn’t make it my rehearsal, but work is a reasonable excuse, especially when it’s a new job I could see why it would be hard to ask for time off.

Post # 9
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think you’re being a little unsupportive of your friend and her new job!  Besides, you’ll be saving $ with one less mouth to feed at the rehearsal dinner.   As far as gifts go, she could be planning to get you a nice wedding gift, and if she’s not, there might be financial issues, as other posters have mentioned.

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