(Closed) BM not going to the after party? [vent]

posted 9 years ago in Parties
Post # 32
1494 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

Wow. Nuts.

I think your bride is a little bit caught up in the “my day” feeling. You should not have to literally make yourself SO uncomfortable and tired “to support her.” I say just leave at midnight! I’m sure with all the festivities you will be able to act drunk and sneak out.

I really hope I never come across as this unreasonable! I am hoping that my girls will stay with me the rehearsal night at the B&B (free of cost to them, its included in our venue cost) but if they really really would rather stay with their SO’s in a hotel (because their SO’s are invited to the R.D.) then I wouldn’t throw a fit or be mad or try to guilt them into it! They know I would like them to, they also know they don’t HAVE to they are adults lol.

Post # 33
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Wow. I agree this is insane! Definitely do what you need to do! If that means leaving at a reasonable time then do it! I would show up at 8am though (start the day off right) and sneak out “early” at midnight! ha. 

I don’t even know how the bride would want it to last that long! What about ‘enjoying the wedding night’ with your new husband!?! *sorry side rant* but seriously?? 

Post # 34
2041 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@LittleMissMagic:  With that schedule, I don’t think you’d have to work that hard to be fake super drunk. I’d be passing out at a table by midnight stone-cold sober! Your friend is being a huge zilla, and I wouldn’t blame you for taking the 9pm shuttle even, haha.

Post # 35
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

This bride is insane to think that people are going to go to an after party which will require them to be there for 4 hours until 4 am.  Maybe she realizes this just a little bit so she’s (hilariously) making it “mandatory” for the bridal party so some people actually go?

Either way, I’d drop it and just leave at 12 as you desire.  She will either not notice or if she decides to make a big deal out of it, do you really want to be friends with someone like that?


Post # 36
4097 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@LittleMissMagic:  An after party wtf?! Isn’t the post-reception “after party” supposed to be your wedding night? As in (forgive me for putting it bluntly) sex with your new spouse? IF I were you I’d just smile and nod for now, then bail the minute the reception is over and hope she doesn’t notice. 

Post # 38
469 posts
Helper bee

@LittleMissMagic:  it’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission. Bail on the after party, and apologize after she’s out of bride mode, not that you actually need to apologize IMO.

Post # 39
2405 posts
Buzzing bee

@geekspice:  +1

I think it’s totally reasonable to skip the after party. Tell her you’re going to skip it, then don’t discuss it with her further. If she continues to bring it up, pick and phrase and stick to it, something like, “I’ve told you what I’m doing. It’s not up for negotiation.”

Post # 40
5229 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

As either a Bridesmaid or Best Man or a guest, I wouldn’t stay past 12 with the chance to leave until 4.

Post # 41
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018


Edit: Sorry just saw your post about how the shuttle only shows up at 12 and 4 am.  I would just tell her if she actually cares about you than she would be more reasonable instead of acting like a 5 year old.


Post # 42
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@LittleMissMagic:  Please please please tell us how it goes!! I’m hoping to hear the bride was exhausted and cancelled the afterparty after all!

Post # 43
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@Bostongrl25:  I’ll be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in two weddings over the course of the next two years (one this winter and the other late next fall; thank God because now I have time to save money in between them). I’m seriously hoping that neither couple goes crazy like this. I have energy issues already, so a 20 hour day would not be doable for me.

If the Bride brings it up again just repeat what you said here; you have to work Sunday night and need to drive 5 hours to get home that morning. Is her wedding important? Of course it is, otherwise you wouldn’t have agreed to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. . . but having a job is also important and I’m pretty sure your boss would frown upon napping at work. Don’t back down on this. You are not wrong for feeling this way.

Post # 44
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to not want to go. It should not be mandatory.

Post # 45
1441 posts
Bumble bee

I haven’t read the responses yet so I’ll probably be repeating what others have said.

manditory or what?It’ll go on your pemanent record?  You’ll be marked absent and sent to the principal’s office?

Just. No. 

You’re spending money to be at her day. You’ve rearranged your schedule in order to be there. You’ve spent more of the day than in necessary (starting at 8am) to be with her on her day.   While she’d going off on a honeymoon and resting/relaxing you’re picking up the pieces of rescheduling for her day.  Enough is enough.  If you do not want to go to the after party – don’t.  If she’s a small enough person to hold this against you, after all you’ve done, well then – you may do better with more understanding friends.    

Post # 46
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would show up at the ceremony…..and not give a gift.

Being in a bridal party does not equate to this type of treatment.

You MUST be there?  Ther are only two things you MUST do in this life; die and pay taxes….


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