(Closed) BM not responding to my emails… (long)

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2397 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Welcome to Weddingbee! 

That’s really weird that she’s ignoring you, yet talking to your sister.  I would try calling her.  Maybe she hasn’t been checking her email, or maybe she’s just being really non-confrontational.  If you keep calling her, she’s not going to be able to ignore you for too long, so I’d start there.  I hope she comes around, it sounds like you’re being pretty accommodating!

Post # 4
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I’ll just go in chronological order of your post.

I think picking out a dress, simply based on the photo, was probably a mistake on your part.  Even when BM’s are not local to go on a big shopping excursion, she could try the style on in a store near her.  What might have looked nice in a photo, could legitimately look bad on her.  (But who knows with the whole ordering dresses too small?  But don’t bridal salons figure the sizes usually themselves, going by her measurements and not ,”Oh I ‘m usually a 6″?)

As for way overpriced, I don’t know.  It could be.  Did you discuss price before hand?   If she is feeling uncomfortable about the price now, the price of alterations would cause her to flip more.

Tube shape?  I don’t know, she might just be throwing daggers at this point.  Lets boil it down, she doesn’t like the dress.  Do you have a pic of the dress?

I think it’s uncalled for for her to be ignoring you.  To give her the benefit of the doubt, I would say if the cost is getting to her, she might just be frustrated at everything.  Like if you ask her if she wants to have her haird and mu done, she might be thinking, ‘Oh great, another cost.”  She might also feel like a third wheel.  Like you and your sister are doing all of this wedding stuff together, and now with the salon, if she doesn’t join in, she’ll just feel excluded.  (Just a guess.)

I might check in with her.  Ask how the dress search is going.  Maybe you have suggestions.  Ask her how the cost is going for her.  Maybe you could offer for the hair and mu to be her Bm gift.  If she still seems stressed, maybe you can let her know you don’t want her to be stressed out and offer to let her back out and just be a guest.

Good luck.

Post # 6
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Wow! I can’t believe that. Sorry you are going through that. I decided a long time ago that I didn’t want brides maids, so I have one person up there with me, my maid of honor (best friend). I told her to pick out the dress she wants the most and would feel the most comfy in (as long as it’s in my colors) and we’d get it for her. So far, the links she’s sent me are gorgeous and I can have final pick. So glad I did it that way now!!

Post # 7
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Hi date twin 🙂

That’s a very pretty dress and I’d think would be very flattering on many body types.  I could see how a larger chest might be an issue with the band across the bottom of the chest, though.

I think a phone call is in order to find out what the deal is with the emails.  If she’s not an email person, you are going to have to communicate with her another way.

The other thing – she may just feel burdened right now with wedding stuff.  It’s too bad she can’t be more communicative with you – but, she’s obviously avoiding, big time.

I don’t like catering to bad behavior – but, for sanity sake, some people need a bit more hand holding.

Weddings bring out all sorts of emotions in people.  She may have a hard time with the fact that you are getting married and might be unintentionally acting out.  Who knows!?  Just keep in mind that your BM’s will need some extra hand holding in the next few months.  They might be going through some things that are causing them to not have as much time or consideration for the wedding.

Hope all goes well when you call.

Post # 8
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

This is the same thing my cousin did. She told me that the dress didn’t fit her well after first saying it did. Then when I offered to pay for alterations she said no, that wasn’t the problem. I asked her if she simply didn’t like the dress and she sent me a longgggg email saying that she was hurt that I would think that. I figured she has to be my cousin for the rest of our lives so I let her wear a different dress. She’ll look strange in the wedding but I plan on not having her in too many photographs.

Don’t let her stress you. It’s not worth it! Either demand that she wears the dress or get out or let her do her own thing. She’s obviously trying to get the best of you.

Post # 9
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Let us know how it turns out. Maybe she feels that it’s not conservative enough for her tastes (I don’t know how she normally dresses, so I don’t know).

Post # 10
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Any word from her yet?

Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses are my biggest headache yet…

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