- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart….and not in a good way. Last year my cousin got married and I can honestly say it was by far, the worst experience I have ever had being a maid.
Although I was the obvious choice for moh, being her only female relative who was close in age and close in bond, I thought I was a shoe in. I was surprised to learn that she had chosen her sister in law to be, who she was not very close with, and who she only knew for a few years vs her entire life. I accepted bridesmaid position graciously, but with a bit of disappointment.
I was going through a particularly heinous breakup during the time of wedding planning. Even though I approached helping her with her day with genuine joy and excitement, I felt that she omitted me because she assumed I would not “be any fun”. It was quite the contrary though, I truly wanted to help and was looking forward to the distraction to tell you the truth.
Even though I was unceremoniously omitted from all the activities I wanted to part of; dress shopping, bridal shower planning, the putting together of the favors, etc, I was expected to “jump to immediate attention” whenever it was convenient for her. For example; the official Bridesmaid or Best Man fitting was scheduled on a day I had to work. I made an appointment to go the salon to be fitted the next week, and due to a scheduling conflict I needed to push it back a few more days. The amount of complaining she did regarding me not doing this fast enough was ridiculous. I got the dress measured, ordered, and fitted in plenty of time.
I did contribute a large amount to facilitate the bridal shower. Unfortunately, money was all the bride and Maid/Matron of Honor wanted from me. My input regarding the location, the gifts, the food were all unwelcome. I was not even invited to help put the gifts together, even though all the other maids were. Although I was the only one working a full time job, I was even expected to drive the money to the MOHS house on my lunch break.
The one event I had to miss was the rehearsal dinner. I was scheduled to work, and was unable to make it. There seemed to be a break in communication somewhere as i informed my grandparents to tell my cousin that I would “ask the boss one more time if she could accommodate me” Essentially I was saying no, with hopes of a miracle occurring that would enable me to be there. I did not make it and my cousin made such a stink; crying, wailing, screaming, that her husband to be felt compelled to get in his car and pass by my place of employment to see if I was “there or not”. He did not see my car in the lot either because I was parked in the managers lot which is not accessible to the public, because I was on my dinner break picking up my dress, or simply because he didn’t look hard enough. To this day I am not sure but it was insulting because I am an adult and to have this young man who is 12 years my junior “checking up on me” was not acceptable. I also felt it was immature and unfair for my cousin to make such a stink that action like this was necessary in the first place. If anyone is wondering why I didn’t just contact the bride directly, it was due to the lack of responses, callbacks, and texts I DIDN’T get from her. She never responds, and then always claims to have never gotten said vm or text. I thought it would be safer to just give the message directly to a family member.
Which leads me to the fallout that occurred the evening of the dinner itself when I checked my Facebook account and saw a plethora of nasty and disrespectful messages from the Maid/Matron of Honor as well as the groom. Things like “omg, it was so disrespectful of you to not show up tonight, you should think of your cousin” and “I am so angry I can’t even see straight” and “what bank is open at 6 pm in the united states” were hurled at me and made public on my wall. I unfriended both the Maid/Matron of Honor and groom in short order, but it was still offensive and hurtful. I did offer to bring a copy of my timecard to the Maid/Matron of Honor to prove my whereabouts, but my offer was declined. Of course.
I was so sad and uncomfortable that at this point I decided it was in everyone’s best interest and in the interest of my very sanity that I back out and recuse myself as bridesmaid and wedding guest. After much familial turmoil I spoke with my cousin and informed her that I was “hurt and felt that she didn’t even want me present any longer”. I implored her to reassure me and tell me that she still wanted me there. To this she replied with “well, I invited you so clearly I want you to be there but it’s up to you. If you don’t want to come, don’t come, I don’t have time for this”. I opted no but after a special request from my grandfather I decided to attend anyway. (he also confronted her and forced her to tell me that she wanted me there)
The wedding day was very uncomfortable. Neither the bride, the groom or the Maid/Matron of Honor spoke a single word to me out of sheer spite.
Not only did I not receive a thank you card, but I found out later that my cousin had opted to return my Bridesmaid or Best Man thank you gift to the store rather than give it to me. It was a lovely necklace, and if you look in the photos, all the BMS are wearing it….except for one.
We didn’t speak for a year after the wedding, and to be honest, things are still strained. I feel like what I thought was a close familial relationship was nothing but a joke to her. Our friendship and kinship will never be the same, and it’s all due to compleltey unnecessary bridezilla behavior.
After recently becoming engaged I made the very difficult but conscious decision to omit her from my bridal party altogether. I felt wholly unable to get past the hurt I felt and invite her to share in my special day. I hope that, one day, things can get back to normal but I think it’s doubtful. It really is a crying shame. I love my cousin and I wish things were different, but alas they cannot be.
Tell me bees, do you think I’ve made the right descision?
Also, please share any stories you may have about this topic…