Post # 1
Okay so back in Feb I bought 3 of my BMs dresses for them. DB had some great deals in their online outlet section and we wanted to take advantage of that. Bridesmaid or Best Man number #1 was in the process of moving so it was easier for me to order for her, she paid me back a few weeks later. Bridesmaid or Best Man #2 had no job and no money, I agreed to lend her the money. She spent a few months saying she’d pay me back next month which I let slide since she just started a new job. In May she organized my bachelorette and asked if we could call it even on the dress instead of me chipping in for my share of the hotel. I said that was fine, kinda weird but whatever. Okay Bridesmaid or Best Man #3 said she really wanted the dress but was waiting on her tax return due in a few weeks. So I bought her dress too. Since then she has said I’ll pay you in April, ok for sure in May. In May I told her I absolutely need it the 1st week of June. All our final payments were due and I took money from our wedding savings to buy the dresses. She said she would for sure have it to me by then. We have hung out several times since then and she makes a point to mention how broke she is but no mention of the dress money. I haven’t said anything lately cuz I’m not good at confrontation and I know she is broke. Should I just let this go? It’s only $100 but money is so tight for us right now, it would help so much. I also wanted to mention I bought the girl’s shoes and their hair is being professionally done at no charge to them. This Bridesmaid or Best Man is also local and won’t be taking off work or spending money to travel. Please excuse my lack of paragraphs, my phone is being really funky.
Post # 3
I’m curious to see what y’all think about this because FH has a groomsmen who owes us money as well, and I have no idea what the right answer is! This is such a hard one.
Post # 4
Me personally, I would let it slide. If she brings it up say “oh yeah!”. But think of it this way: is the friendship worth stressing/losing over $100?
Iif I ever lend a friend money, I only lend what I’m willing to “give” them and I really don’t expect it back, if they pay me back, great! Lending money is often a recipe for disaster (so I very rarely lend money to anyone).
Post # 5
Can she do it in payments?
Post # 6
It’s SO tough, but I would absolutely ask her for it. Tell her she can pay it to you in ‘installments’ but that you need to have it back for all the reasons you just told us.
(and you are SO nice for letting the other one get away with it being ‘your share’ of your OWN party!)
Post # 7
That’s how I feel, too.
If you 100% have to ask for the money, do it gently and explain what’s going on and ask for installments, but if you can help it, I would just let it slide. Presumably she’s in your wedding because you love her, and in the long term of the relationship it’ll probably even out. That’s kind of how we all do stuff; try to pay for what we can when we remember but assume it’ll all come out in the wash over a million years of friendship.
Post # 8
i would not let it go. yes its your wedding, but its her responsibility to pay for the dress and she agreed to it. you have a budget and its not fair to you that you have to be out an extra $100. i know its tricky, but i would just bring it up again in a way that you have total confidence she is planning to pay you back.
also, i have always had these kind of issues with my friends. so when i did the purchase of BMs on my credit card, i was SO nervous, but what i did was give them a time limit to pay me back – i said i had to pay down my credit card and did not have the money myself to do it, so basically they had to pay me right away and they did. maybe you could say you have a wedding payment coming up and you are planning to use that $100 to do it, so you need the money by a certain date.
Post # 9
I guess I feel like it’s not fair to the other girls who did pay for their dresses. I also kept adding that $100 back into our budget so now we’re short on our catering payment. Silly me I guess but I really thought I was getting it back right when she got her tax return in March.
Post # 10
I always let money loaned pretty much go… most people do not pay back. sigh
Post # 11
I guess I was too easy going cuz I kept saying oh no biggie, you have till the 1st week of June when she’d bring it up. She did know all my wedding payments were due then and I had taken the money out of wedding budget to buy the dress. Ugh, I am known for having no backbone and she’s been known to have money issues and be a flake. Bad combo. Lol.
Post # 12
and all the more reason to not let it go. she might be doing this (consciously or not) because she knows you come after her for it, so why not save $100.
Post # 13
She knows darn well she needs to pay you back; she wouldn’t keep talking about how broke she was otherwise. It’s been my experience that people who lay it on thick like that after borrowing money are perfectly capable of getting the funds together with simple budgeting and planning, but they just can’t be bothered to. Whatever happened to that tax return that was supposed to help pay for the dress?
I would tell her you’re really sorry to have to keep bringing it up, but she has given you two dates she was going to pay you back by, and has not followed through on either. Remind her that you took the money for her dress out of the wedding budget and will now be short on payments to certain vendors, so you really need her to repay you as soon as she can.
I’ll be honest, I don’t see her giving in at this point, but I don’t think it’s right for you to just let it go either.
Post # 14
There’s no doubt that she should pay you back. But I totally understand why it’s difficult to bring it up with her. Maybe give her a friendly reminder one more time when you guys are alone. And if she still doesn’t pay you back, you just have to let it go.
My mom gave me a great piece of advise…Don’t lend people money unless you’re totally okay with that money never coming back to you. If someone needs your help financially, tell yourself that you’re giving them the money and don’t expect it back. That way, if they pay you back, it’s a nice surprise! If they never pay you back, there’s no hard feelings.
Post # 15
whenever she brings up being tight on money, you can tell her right back that you are tight on money because you went over your wedding budget by buying those dresses. maybe if you tell her you need that money for the wedding in particular she would be more sensitive to it?
Post # 16
Do your BM’s know that you are paying for you their hair? Have you bought their shoes yet?
If not, I would tell them that you were going to get their hair done for free and buy their shoes but instead you decided to gift them their dresses. Not an ideal gift to your BM’s but they are walking all over you and this sounds like the easiest way for you to get your money back. These girls have no idea how good they have it.
Edit: I realize it is one Bridesmaid or Best Man that owes money.
If each of them had said no to being a bridesmaid knowing that they can’t afford it, would you have still found a way to have all 3 in your wedding party regardless? Or would you have let them walk away?