(Closed) BM owes me money

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do?

    Tell BM she needs to come up with the money somehow asap!

    Let it go. BM has been a great friend other than this.

    Other

  • Post # 3
    Member
    3253 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I’m curious to see what y’all think about this because FH has a groomsmen who owes us money as well, and I have no idea what the right answer is! This is such a hard one.

    Post # 4
    Member
    5147 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Me personally, I would let it slide. If she brings it up say “oh yeah!”. But think of it this way: is the friendship worth stressing/losing over $100?

    Iif I ever lend a friend money, I only lend what I’m willing to “give” them and I really don’t expect it back, if they pay me back, great!  Lending money is often a recipe for disaster (so I very rarely lend money to anyone).

    Post # 5
    Member
    274 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Can she do it in payments?

    Post # 6
    Member
    2599 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    It’s SO tough, but I would absolutely ask her for it.  Tell her she can pay it to you in ‘installments’ but that you need to have it back for all the reasons you just told us. 

    (and you are SO nice for letting the other one get away with it being ‘your share’ of your OWN party!)

    Good luck!

    Post # 7
    Member
    1205 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    View original reply
    @abbyful: That’s how I feel, too.

    If you 100% have to ask for the money, do it gently and explain what’s going on and ask for installments, but if you can help it, I would just let it slide.  Presumably she’s in your wedding because you love her, and in the long term of the relationship it’ll probably even out.  That’s kind of how we all do stuff; try to pay for what we can when we remember but assume it’ll all come out in the wash over a million years of friendship.

    Post # 8
    Member
    7294 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    i would not let it go. yes its your wedding, but its her responsibility to pay for the dress and she agreed to it. you have a budget and its not fair to you that you have to be out an extra $100. i know its tricky, but i would just bring it up again in a way that you have total confidence she is planning to pay you back.

    also, i have always had these kind of issues with my friends. so when i did the purchase of BMs on my credit card, i was SO nervous,  but what i did was give them a time limit to pay me back – i said i had to pay down my credit card and did not have the money myself to do it, so basically they had to pay me right away and they did.  maybe you could say you have a wedding payment coming up and you are planning to use that $100 to do it, so you need the money by a certain date.

    Post # 10
    Member
    5654 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I always let money loaned pretty much go… most people do not pay back. sigh

    Post # 12
    Member
    7294 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    View original reply
    @7-9-11bride:  and all the more reason to not let it go. she might be doing this (consciously or not) because she knows you come after her for it, so why not save $100.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3482 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    She knows darn well she needs to pay you back; she wouldn’t keep talking about how broke she was otherwise. It’s been my experience that people who lay it on thick like that after borrowing money are perfectly capable of getting the funds together with simple budgeting and planning, but they just can’t be bothered to. Whatever happened to that tax return that was supposed to help pay for the dress?

    I would tell her you’re really sorry to have to keep bringing it up, but she has given you two dates she was going to pay you back by, and has not followed through on either. Remind her that you took the money for her dress out of the wedding budget and will now be short on payments to certain vendors, so you really need her to repay you as soon as she can.

    I’ll be honest, I don’t see her giving in at this point, but I don’t think it’s right for you to just let it go either.

    Post # 14
    Member
    201 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    There’s no doubt that she should pay you back. But I totally understand why it’s difficult to bring it up with her. Maybe give her a friendly reminder one more time when you guys are alone. And if she still doesn’t pay you back, you just have to let it go.

    My mom gave me a great piece of advise…Don’t lend people money unless you’re totally okay with that money never coming back to you. If someone needs your help financially, tell yourself that you’re giving them the money and don’t expect it back. That way, if they pay you back, it’s a nice surprise! If they never pay you back, there’s no hard feelings.

    Post # 15
    Member
    32 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    whenever she brings up being tight on money, you can tell her right back that you are tight on money because you went over your wedding budget by buying those dresses. maybe if you tell her you need that money for the wedding in particular she would be more sensitive to it?

    Post # 16
    Member
    297 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Do your BM’s know that you are paying for you their hair? Have you bought their shoes yet?

    If not, I would tell them that you were going to get their hair done for free and buy their shoes but instead you decided to gift them their dresses. Not an ideal gift to your BM’s but they are walking all over you and this sounds like the easiest way for you to get your money back. These girls have no idea how good they have it. 

    Edit: I realize it is one Bridesmaid or Best Man that owes money. 
     

    If each of them had said no to being a bridesmaid knowing that they can’t afford it, would you have still found a way to have all 3 in your wedding party regardless? Or would you have let them walk away?

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