(Closed) BM problem..advice appreciated!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Maybe you could offer to loan her the money.  Tell her that it wouldn’t be fair to just give money to her, since you’re not doing it for anyone else, but you can help her out until she has the money to pay for it herself.  That way, if she really does need a loan, she can buy the dress, and if she really doesn’t, you’ll be in a position where it’s OK for you to comment on her excessive spending (since right now it would be inappropriate to tell her she can’t buy stuff for herself instead of saving for your wedding, but if she owes you money then her priority should be paying you back).  

Post # 5
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You said in your post that “she’s not sure she can afford her Bridesmaid or Best Man dress” so maybe it’s not that she can’t afford it, but is afraid you’ll pick something very expensive. I would make sure to stick to a budget that is respectful of what your BMs can afford, for starters. Have a conversation with her and see what price range she’s comfortable with, ultimately if you both can’t agree, then it’s kind of up to you to either contribute towards the dress (if you really, really want her in your wedding), or to let her opt out of your wedding. Also, depending on what look you’re going for, you can always let yoru BMs decide on their own dresses so that everyone can find something they’re happy with in look and price point.

Post # 6
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Could this be her way of telling you that she doesn’t want to be in the wedding anymore?

Post # 7
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Hmm, perhaps just let her wear any black dress that she owns. Or pull her aside and ask if she really wants to be in the wedding, if she did, she would find a way to save the money up for the dress. Without knowing her, it sounds like she is just trying to get you to pay for it/ and/or is a bit selfish.

Post # 10
Member
46421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you are being reasonable about the cost of the dress, I would just tell her the approximate price range and encourage her to save up for the dress like everyone else.

She has 5-6 months before you are going dress shopping. If she wants to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man she will find a way to save for the dress. If not, you can say you are sorry that she won’t be able to be in your wedding party.

Given the history between the two of you, I wouldn’t offer to loan her the money, nor would I pay for her dress.

Post # 11
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@niki012310: Well, it sounds like you’ve been more than fair! Sorry to say it but I agree with other PPs, and I don’t feel she wants to be in your wedding unless you pay for her dress. That’s totally unfair to you. Maybe turn it around and say, ‘Sorry, I can’t pay for your dress, but if you can save the money for it, then I would love for you to be in my wedding. If you can’t save money for it, then I understand you can’t be in my wedding.” Then give her a deadline to commit to saving towards the dress.

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