(Closed) BM steps over the line

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

@brittneyumd:

Unless you’re paying for the dress she certainly has the right to say whether or not she thinks the price is worth the dress and to give you opinons.  Most people will go with the actual people that have to wear the dress to pick it out.  How much is reasonable to you, if you don’t mind me asking?

Post # 4
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

i don’t think it’s over the line for her to suggest one, no.

for her to refuse to wear your choice. . .now that is another thing. but just to send another option over email, I wouldn’t be offended by that. i would be maybe a little disappointed that she didn’t like the dress you picked.

Post # 5
Member
4546 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Well I may be the wrong person to ask, but I didn’t ask all my BMs to come shopping with me and pick out a dress. Everyone lives far away and there just wasn’t time. I also happened to find dresses I love while out shopping with my two best friends.

Post # 6
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Am I crazy or does she have the right to challenge a decision I have already made?

although your wedding is important it isnt a dictatorship on other peoples feelings or thoughts so she has the “right” to discuss it with you

i also think you also have the right to say this is the dress ive picked and as long as its not ourtrageously expensive or hideous then i think a Bridesmaid or Best Man either needs to suck it up or step aside, you have heard her concerns and thoughts and if they dont sway you its thank you but ive chosen this

 

 

Post # 7
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think your Bridesmaid or Best Man has a right to have some input on the dress but you of course make the final decision.  It’s already too late but it may have been helpful to include your BMs in the choices or show them some options you were considering.  Did you ask them what they would be comfortable spending?  Reasonable to you may not be reasonable to them especially if they don’t like the dress.

I have worn many a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress I hated and felt like the money was a waste as soon as I spent it so it would be nice for the bride to consider the Bridesmaid or Best Man feelings even if it is “her day.”  Although her approach to you could have been better, your response of demoting her to reader wasn’t helpful either. 

 

Post # 8
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@brittneyumd – Your friend probably should’ve been a bit more cautious about how she phrased her thoughts on the dress (which put you on the defensive), but she does have a right to voice her opinion.  I don’t know how you went about making the decision, but it’s usually a good idea to share your top choices with your BM’s before announcing your final decision.  Your comment about becoming a reader instead of a Bridesmaid or Best Man may have been upsetting to her, so I would probably apologize. Hopefully, everything works out for you guys.  Just my two cents…

Post # 9
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@brittneyumd: I don’t think she’s out of line. Not all dresses look great on everyone. I think if the girls have to pay for a dress, they should at least get a say in it. You could take her suggestion and add it to some others and have vote.

Post # 10
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t think the Bridesmaid or Best Man is out of line.  She has to pay for it, she has to wear it and she has to be comfortable in it. I could understand how she would be annoyed that she wasn’t even asked what type of dress she wanted to wear but just told to be up (been there done that and was sooo pissed).

I too have 7 bridesmaids and I took them all shopping at different times, we tried ona bunch of dresses and narrowed it down to two.  then we have people vote and i had the final say.  I can honestly say that all 7 of my girls like the dress they’ll be wearing.  so yes, it is possible.

Post # 11
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I agree with PP. I have been fortunate in being able to pick out every dress I have worn in weddings in my adult lift but if someone picked out something I didn’t like or want to spend the money on, I more than likely would say something. The fact that she said something isn’t out of line but maybe the way she approached it was.

Post # 12
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think it was obnoxious of her. Not so much because it is “challenging your decision” but just because it is rude and against what I consider Bridesmaid or Best Man etiquette. I’ve been a Bridesmaid or Best Man a bunch of times where we had no input on the dress. I hated some of them, sure, but I bought it, paid for it, got it altered, wore it, and shut my mouth about it to the bride. I did make fun of them with other BMs though. That is the way you are supposed to deal with that situation. It is one of the only real “duties” that a Bridesmaid or Best Man has.

Post # 13
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

But if these girls are your friends, surely you’d prefer it if the dress is something they like/might consider wearing again? I mean I’ve only been a Bridesmaid or Best Man once, but the Bride pays for the dresses over here, so even though it was horrible, I just got on with it. Would it not be easier for everyone concerned if you picked a fabric and colour and let them each pick a style they like?

It just seems to me like this could be the kind of row that lasts long after the wedding. I mean I know they *should* wear the dress you pick, but isn’t it better if they don’t wind up resenting you for it? Or you feeling like you had to bully them into it?

Best of luck with it. At least you still have plenty of time to sort it out.

Post # 14
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I would have agreed with the PP if she said she felt uncomfortable with the style of the dress or couldn’t afford it or something like that but saying she showed it to her coworkers and they thought it was basic and looked like it came from the mall so here is another suggestion is crossing the line to me.

Post # 15
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Gonna have to say I agree with the rest she wasn’t out of line to suggest something else. She does have to pay after all. I agree with you too though that you can’t please all 7 of them.

I definately think you over reacted

Post # 16
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

The topic ‘BM steps over the line’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors