(Closed) BM still doing hardly nothing…very annoying

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

ok i’m going to try to say this as gently as possible.  Your wedding is the center of your world but no one else’s.  No one will ever care as much as you will.  If you expect everyone to be excited and spending their time commenting on your flowers and weight loss tips, you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment.  As long as people are excited about your marriage and on the day of the actual wedding, that’s all you can really ask for.

Post # 4
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree with Meowkers but I also get that it kinda sucks.  Not much you can do so just go with it and be grateful when they do get excited, that’s what I’m doing!

Post # 5
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with Meowkers 100%. If only everyone could share our excitement as much as we’d like!

Post # 7
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

It sucks big time I know, and I feel your pain. I want EVERYONE to be as excited as I am and I want EVERYONE to gush over a shade of pink. I email weekly newsletters on everything that’s going on, spend hours (yes I said hours) researching and what not to make sure our wedding day is perfect and it’s all for nothing sometimes. But it’s just not happening. I complain to my Fiance sometimes about how frustrated I am at the BM’s (haha, I love it when I refer to them as BM’s) but he says all they have to do is buy a dress and show up to the wedding. And then to add to his smartassness he says even he doesn’t care what color the table linens are or if the cake should have an initial cake topper. He just wants to get married and have a party.

I love him like mad, sometimes he’s a smartass but I know he’s right – I want to get married and have a party.

I hope this doesn’t offend you – your BM’s (haha) could care less what color their bouquets are, the flowers are going to be wilted by the end of the night and be dead within 2 days.

Like my FI’s says – enjoy the party.

 

Post # 8
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I had the same thing happening with a Bridesmaid or Best Man then after bees advice and me understanding that they agreed to be in the wedding, not plan the wedding I just let it go. Their roles are simple, get dress, plan shower/bachelorette party, help IF they want to. When I realized that it made me a lot less stressed. Even though you were trying to include them in picking out the flowers that they would be carrying I still think it’s something that most BM’s don’t care about. It’s your wedding and they will want you to be happy so you should just pick what you want. I sometimes asked opinions of my BM’s but really not anymore, it’s just too stressful if they ignore/don’t answer me. If they have an opinion on something they’ll give it but I honestly think you should just let this one go because otherwise it will just stress you out like it did me.

Post # 10
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Yeah, I would focus on the excitement of the one Bridesmaid or Best Man who wants to do more.  If she’s willing to go places, great.  Also if you have an older sister, youngish aunt, or some other friend who is already married, they might be better sounding boards.  I wasn’t knowledgeable or terribly interested in people’s weddings until I planned my own.

For your own sanity, I would realize where they are, and meet them there.  They seem to have a minimalist approach.  I think you should accept that. It sounds like you have Destination Wedding.  That alone will take more out of them than a local wedding.    Embrace the situation.  And I would suggest just laying off so many updates.  I know you mean well, but they will sense your frustration, and perhaps feel like you are being a little pushy.    (And if you aren’t throwing new stuff on the website all the time, you won’t be so eager to keep checking.) 

Good luck.

Post # 11
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

oh my god, I feel for you missplanner but I sort of see everyone elses point.. I’m in the same boat. I don’t expect them to be all up in my wedding plans butttttt the small things matter. Their Dress!! They’ve been sitting in my house for over 2 months. Not one of them have picked them up and they do need alternatations. That gets on my nerves…… Now 3 of my 4 Bridesmaid or Best Man are planning their own weddings but that’s in 1 year from now while mines around the corner. Show some excitment for mine because when it’s time for yours, I’ll do the same. lol I’m bad..heheheh

Post # 13
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

hahhaha so I guess my BM’s ears were burning.. all picked up today hahaha

Post # 14
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’m going to have to go with the majority. I expect my BMs to stand by me on the day of, to give input  on their dresses, and to be my friend. That is basically it. I honestly hardly bring up the wedding to any of them unless it is necessary info (i.e. date and location) because I feel like… why would they care that much? Two of the three of them do make a point to ask about the wedding planning periodically which is great because it gives me a chance to talk without being pushy. But the other doesn’t seem to care that much about it and I’m cool with it. It’s my wedding not hers 🙂 

Post # 15
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Honestly the best lesson I ever learned is that no one will ever care about your wedding as much as you will.  There was a post a few months ago that explained this extremely well.

No one will ever care about your wedding as much as you do

 

Here is how I see it: Planning a wedding is your job (unless of course you hire a wedding planner)  You should never expect that anyone else will do more than what is minimally expected of them.  If they do then it is a pleasant surprise.

Good Luck to you all!

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