(Closed) BM taking over MOH duties… drama!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

No, anyone can plan the bach. party or shower – it’s not something the Maid/Matron of Honor gets to do or has to do.  I would really try and stay out of it as much as you can.  Advise your sister that she should get a budget from all of your BMs or anyone else who wants to co-host and go from there.  I obviously don’t know all of the details, but it sounds like your sister was trying to plan really expensive activities and the Bridesmaid or Best Man simply couldn’t afford it and was trying to offer other solutions.

 

Post # 4
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Definitely try to stay out of it.  Calm your Maid/Matron of Honor down first.  I’m sure that the reason the bridesmaid is trying to help is because of budgetary issues.  Make the Maid/Matron of Honor aware of that in particular, and hopefully she will be flexible enough to accommodate everyones’ budgets.

Post # 5
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

I would be really careful about getting involved directly. I would advise your sister to have a chat with all the girls about their ideas and budgets. The most important thing is that you get to celebrate with all your girlfriends. Be aware that whilst your sister wants the nicest and the best because she is your sister everyone els ehas different prioirities and depending on how much they have already been asked to contribute for dresses etc your BMs might be starting to feel that being part of your wedidng party is too expensive. I am sure your sister will get it sorted so give her some advice and then stay out of it!

xxx

Post # 6
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I understand completely!  One of my BMs is the same way.  She’s a bit of a control freak.  My Maid/Matron of Honor knows me better and her suggestions are more me than what Bridesmaid or Best Man wants to do (laid back shower vs. brunch with mimosas and china).  MOH ended up sending out an email to the wedding party telling them how I am (laid back and casual) and that “stuffy” things make me uncomfortable.  She also said that I’m getting really stressed out and if there was anything they could do to help with that, it’d be great (same Bridesmaid or Best Man is causing other drama).  I don’t think Bridesmaid or Best Man got the hint, but at least Maid/Matron of Honor put it out there.

Post # 7
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

“Technically”, sure, but definitely not always. I’ve never been a Maid/Matron of Honor but when I was Bridesmaid or Best Man for two of my closest friends, I pretty much had the role of Maid/Matron of Honor when it came to the shower. I planned and paid for pretty much everything since the others girls were either too young, too broke, too far away or just not interested. In your situation though, it seems like your sister has it under control and your Bridesmaid or Best Man is trying to take over. Is your Maid/Matron of Honor including your other BM’s in her decisions? If not then I can see why the Bridesmaid or Best Man would suggest some of her own ideas. While it is the MOH’s job to organize everything, she should still consult with the rest of the bridesmaids to make sure everyone is on the same page, especially if the other girls are going to be expected to pitch in financially. 

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