BM Thinking About Not Getting a Wedding Gift…? :\

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
2230 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I remember this bride from a few weeks back (believe the OP was deleted). So, you didn’t take your own car to the reception? I was just curious how that was going to go.


No, I don’t think you owe the bride an additional gift. Her own questionable behavior does not enter into that, in my opinion. You don’t owe her an additional gift because you’ve done enough.

Post # 17
4060 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My gosh you’re bitter about this wedding. What is this, your third, fourth post bitching about it?

If it will make you feel better, don’t gift her. It sounds like you could care less about the friendship or even her as a person anyway, so just move on already.

Post # 18
3596 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

nicole1121 :  personally, i don’t think that members of the wedding party EVER need to give a gift – imo, all the time and money you’ve spent being part of the wedding is gift enough. i told all my BMs i didn’t want any gifts from them, and i didn’t give gifts for the other weddings i was in as a Bridesmaid or Best Man either.

Post # 19
2421 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

I don’t think etiquette-wise you ever need to give a gift as a bridesmaid. You’ve already dedicated time and money in other areas the other guests haven’t. 

I did just want to say that her bridesmaid gifts were fine. You aren’t owed gifts. Plenty of people cut costs by not doing Bridesmaid or Best Man gifts at all. 

And I would still give the couple a card or something. I’m a big believer to never go empty handed, even if it’s just a nice card with a few nice words on the inside. 

–Oh and that leaving you stranded at the reception is crazy too btw! That’s so rude!

Post # 20
1447 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I flat out told our entire wedding party it wasn’t necessary to give us a gift. I don’t understand why more brides don’t do this-  I didn’t want anyone to feel pressured to spend more money on our wedding than they already had.

Post # 21
392 posts
Helper bee

I haven’t yet gotten one of my friends a wedding gift (I’m still in my one year grace period), but I did get her a shower gift and I was in the bridal party. When I apologized to her and told her it was still on my to do list, she said that no one in the bridal party had gotten her a wedding gift (other than shower gifts) and that she hadn’t expected us to.

Post # 22
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I have given gifts when I was in the bridal party and spent a significant amount of money but as a future bride I would not be mad at all if after shelling out money for tux, dresses, shoes, shower gifts, hotels, transportation, etc I did not recieve a wedding gift. Weddings are expensive and a lot of work for everyone involve. I would think your participation is the biggest gift of all. 

Post # 23
1165 posts
Bumble bee

nicole1121 :  a nice card should suffice. Being in weddings is expensive. Of other BMs feel this way, perhaps you could pool your funds to buy a group gift off the registry. 

Post # 24
6303 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

nicole1121 :  a card is fine.

We typically gift £100-200 between us. We’re in the UK so showers aren’t a ‘thing’, and typically travel costs are low. And if you’re in the bridal party, the couple pays for attire. If I were attending a wedding where I had to pay for a specific outfit I would almost definitely not give a gift, at all; including for the shower.

Post # 25
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’ve always heard that if you go to the bridal shower and give a gift…there is no need to give ANOTHER gift at the wedding. You’re covered.

Maybe that’s just a where I’m from thing. But it seems to make a lot of sense??

Post # 26
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

In your situation, i understandable why you feel justified yet bitter.  Give a gift because your heart wants to.. From love not bitterness.

I am the odd one out it seems….

In my experience, my wedding and all my friends, I/we have always given a bridal shower gift (if at a person’s house something off registery, of at a banquet hall then $100/person.  As well dished out money for their wedding (about $125-150/person if not close, if close up to 250 – 300/person ).  This also applies if they have an engagement ceremony/ party.  

I.e. I had an engagement at a banquet hall 153ppl and received money from then all… Same with shower, 125ppl banquet Hall and received $$ and same for wedding at a banquet hall 257 ppl.

In saying this, I’ve been a bridesmaid the last 10 years in 7 weddings and gifted on the wedding day and other occasions.  The same is true for my bridal party..(even though I started their acceptance to the wedding was gift enough.)

None of this is mandatory, but it’s customary, expected.





Post # 28
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I’ve always done gifts at both, but that’s just me.  I tend to buy a nice gift off of the registry for the shower, and I paint, and so I’ve done some sort of painting for the person for their wedding (or give them like $50-$100).

That being said, 1) I also think that the bridal party should be exempt from gifts and 2) I think lingere showers are absolutely ridiculous, and you’ve spent enough money.  Get her a card, or donate to a charity in their name

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