Post # 1
So, let me start this by saying that I have some amazing friends. I really do. However, when they go from friend to bridesmaids, things get a little sticky.
When we first got engaged, we lived in South Carolina. My BM’s all lived in Tennessee, with one in Louisiana. The wedding is set to be in SC. Right off the bat, I knew it would be expensive since everyone would have to travel. With that in mind, I have gone out of my way to make it as affordable for them as possible.
I have had many a complaint about the cost of everything – dresses (only $118!), traveling to SC (hotel rooms from $79 – 119). I’ve gotten attitude about dresses (sorry, cotton or something you can “throw a jacket over for work” don’t really go with what I had in mind), about the bachelorette party, called a bridezilla for knowing what my vision is for my wedding.
Now, Maid/Matron of Honor 1 is telling me that I need to get with Maid/Matron of Honor 2 because Maid/Matron of Honor 2 just found out that she has to work the day of my shower. That she already said the day was fine. That my aunt has already booked her plane ticket from Florida to Tennessee for. That I’m purchasing a ticket to Tennessee for. Why on earth does it have to be my responsibility to deal with it? Am I being a brat? Isn’t my job to just show up and be bridal?
I feel like I’ve been soooo accomodating and I’m just getting walked all over.
Post # 3
Well first, I think the costs you mentioned for dresses and hotel, are reasonable. Sometimes people just want to complain. Or maybe they really had no idea how much things cost. Maybe you can help ease things up by saying that they can wear whatever shoe they like in (ex.) black. Some of them probably have something in their closet already.
Also, as far as bachelorette parties are concerned, they are nice and all, but I don’t think BMs should be required to give them. They have enough expenses, to feel like this relatively new tradition is obligatory. I’m not sure how you’ve handled the bach party thing. But if I had a bride demanding a bach party, and how exactly she wanted it (in a way that was inconsiderate to financials), I would be miffed.
As for the shower, are you saying that you and your family is traveling to TN, where this particular Bridesmaid or Best Man lives? (The one who has to work?) If that is the case, and people are already locked into flights, I would say that your other BM’s need to figure out how to make this work. If it was at a restaurant, they should go on without her. If it was a t her place, they need to have it at her place, without her. Sure it would be nice for her to be there. But if there is something that she needs to do for work, she might not have much of a choice. Sometimes you can’t say no to the boss. I had a Bridesmaid or Best Man who couldn’t make my shower. It’s not a huge deal, in my book.
Post # 4
I do not think you are being unreasonable at all. In the imortal words of Tim Gunn, the job of the Maid of Honor is to “Make it work!” I think you have been very thoughtful, but there are bound to be things you do that will irk one or more of your bridesmaids. The kicker is that you shouldn’t be the one to deal with it. If one of your girls has serious financial concerns, she needs to discuss it with you on an adult level, not just complain.
I read this blog post a while back and I really loved what she had to say:
Just remember, these ladies DO love you, they may just be losing sight of how important their support is to you.
Post # 5
Thanks for the support ladies!
@Tanya – the bachelorette party is something Maid/Matron of Honor 1 started planning before I even got engaged. I knew it was a major financial undertaking for all involved. When it came right down to it, I moved it from Vegas to Nashville (where the entire bridal party lives, except for one) in order to make it local and more affordable for those who want to come. I also said to have the shower there b/c it’s easier to bring 1 me to them rather than 20 of them to me. Yes, the bachelorette party isn’t something that’s obligatory. It was mostly aggrevation at those who said they want to go then complained about the cost.
Post # 6
you are NOT being a brat. i’m so dealing with the same type of thing. it’s really hurtful, isn’t it?
Post # 7
Thank you @littlebride! Yes it is. It’s like they really don’t get it. Maid/Matron of Honor 1 is married and she should, but she’s pretty self involved and doen’t really put much into something that’s not all about her. UGH!