(Closed) Bridesmaid getting married before me!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
719 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014 - South Bonson Pier & Community Centre

Just sounds like jealousy, and her feeling inadequate. I would try to be understanding, but keep your expectations really low and try to be there for her as much as possible. Then hopefully after her wedding she’ll be able to step up with the last minute things.

Post # 4
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

So she picked her date in November, and is getting married in April? Basically a 5-6 month planning period, if I understand correctly? If so, no wonder she’s not “there” for you. 

We had a 6-month engagement, and I wouldn’t have been able to spend time on another friend’s wedding. It sounds like your friend is stressed, and it may be getting the best of her, with some of her comments- I think she’s way out of line.

OP- I’m not sure what bridesmaid “functions” you are having, or what you are asking her for when “I call her to do something”- is this wedding related, or just to spend time together?  Maybe in order to get through the “wedding madness,” you might have to be the bigger, better friend, and offer HER help.

Post # 7
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I wouldn’t be worried about her not being there to help you plan – none of my five bridespeople are engaged and only two are in relationships yet only two of them have been at all helpful in planning and with one of them it’s like pulling teeth. And even still, all they are doing is offering opinions when I call or email them with stuff. And with your wedding not until June, what all bridesmaids events could you possibly have anyway other than the dress selecting??

The part that would piss me off is her snotty comments. Seriously, next time she makes one you NEED to tell her those are inappropriate and out of control.

Post # 9
Member
2351 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just a month or two after I got engaged, two or three of FI’s best friends popped up with rings for their gfs and boom they’re all getting married before us. The girls probably realize that their fi’s proposed to compete with us, so I wouldn’t worry too much about it. If ur bridesmaid had her way, she might’ve waited till after ur wedding to get engaged altogether. A girl kinda has to say yes when she is asked and they can’t always choose when they’re proposed to. But on the other hand, she could set a date behind urs.

Post # 10
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@SunshineLovin:  I agree with PP’s sounds like she is jealous and wants hers first so people wont compare hers to yours. Also, parents paying is normal. She should chill!

Post # 11
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@SunshineLovin:  If you want to be non-confrontational about it, next time she makes a snippy comment about how you’re getting everything you want because your parents are paying for your wedding, just say something oblivious sounding like, “Yes, my parents are paying for my dream wedding and I couldn’t be more excited about it!!” and then any time she makes a jab like that at your wedding, just take the opportunity to talk about how awesome your wedding is and how thankful you are that your parents are being so gracious as to pay for it. If it’s jealousy speaking, that will shut her up.

Post # 12
Member
4429 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@SunshineLovin:  maybe she should rethink her wedding timeline and give her and her FH a few years to save instead of rushing it. it sounds to me like shes trying to beat you down the isle and that’s soOoOo unclassy of her. Ohh well sounds to me like due to her rushing she might have a lower budget wedding then she imagined and her giving you crap for having the wedding of your dreams caz your parents can afford it is not cool she does not sound like much of a friend to me right now shes being a frienimy to you. sorry your going thru this with your friend.

wedding planning can bring out the worst in women sometimes when $$ is an issue

Post # 14
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@SunshineLovin:  A couple of the comments she supposedly made you heard through her other BMs and the SIL. Maybe you should talk directly to her about these comments as in, “Hey, so and so mentioned XYZ. Did you say these things?” Then you get it direct from her and you can talk about it.

Post # 15
Member
1640 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@SunshineLovin:  Jealousy is an ugly, ugly thing. She’s comparing herself with you and trying to make you look bad/unworthy. I also wouldn’t be surprised if she picked her date to be before yours on purpose, possibly to draw attention from you and onto herself. = Confront her about her comments, they’re completely out of line and unnecessary. She doesn’t sound like she’s being a good friend. 🙁

Post # 16
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I can only imagine! I’m sorry, I’m the soft-spoken one too and I absolutely hate confrontation, so I would’ve probably avoided it all together. BUt maybe say, I’m not trying to upstage you, if you remember correctly I was engaged before you. Also, I don’t appreciate you talking badly about me, when all I’ve done is be there for you while I’m planning my own wedding.” You are right, it’s so stressful, it’ll all be worth it in the end though 🙂

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