(Closed) BM wants to drop out because of pregnancy LONG

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

That is a tough one! To be honest, she sounds like she is being a baby about it all! At 4 months pregant, with your first one especially, you usually aren’t even showing or had any big changes with any part of your body. It is scary that her placenta dropped, and I can understand while she would want to take it easy. If I were you, I would sit down and talk to her about it all. Tell her that you feel like she never has wanted to be apart of your wedding, and if that is the case, to just be honest and tell you. If she truelly does want to be apart of it, but is worried about the baby, then tell her that until they know anything more, she can stay apart and you will adjust accordingly when you get more info. Hope it all works out!!!!!

Post # 4
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I think being on bed rest is a pretty good reason to drop out of the wedding! I think you are making assumptions about her motivations and should try to figure out what’s really going on. If she never wanted to be in the wedding in the first place, there has to be a reason for that. If you talk to her in a non-confrontational manner, maybe you could get down to the bottom of it. (“I completely understand if you can’t make it because you’ll be on bed rest, but I feel like there might be something else going on. It felt like you didn’t 100% want to be in the wedding since way before your pregnancy – is there another reason you didn’t want to share with me? I’d much rather know the whole story”)

Maybe she was actually thinking of getting pregnant this whole time and didn’t want to be in the wedding because of that? Or, what I think is most likely – the weight issues: if she wasn’t comfortable with you seeing her in the dress BEFORE she was pregnant, how could she be comfortable with all the wedding guests seeing her in it? 

Post # 5
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I think right now she is preoccupied with her unexpected pregnancy and probably going through a gamut of worries and emotions. Being a Bridesmaid or Best Man seems to be causing her stress, even before the unexpected pregnancy. I would let her make the decisions here – she knows that you want her to stand with you at the wedding, and you have reassured her multiple times. If it’s going to completely stress her out that’s not good for her or the baby, so I would just let her make her decision and go with it.

Sorry that you are going through this. 🙁

Post # 7
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I’ve never been pregnant myself, but I am an oldest sibling and I can remember my mom when she was pregnant with my 3 younger brothers and sisters and her emotions were all over the freakin place.  If you cousin has self esteem issues (kind of sounded like it when you mentioned the dress thing) maybe the hormones from the pregnancy are just making her feel even more on edge.  And while she hasn’t been put on bed rest yet, I think it was pretty cool of her to let you know in advance…However, I can see why you are irked b/c it seems like this is just another item in a long list of reasons why she can’t be in the wedding.  It sounds like she has some concerns but just doesn’t have the courage to actually blurt out the words “I don’t feel comfortable being in your wedding” to you.  I guess the only thing you can do is just be the bigger person and take the high road and let her bow out if she feels the need.  I know it will hurt.  My BFF of 20 years had to drop out of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  My wedding was in December and beings her Fiance will be deployed next December she chose to stay w/ him so they could be together this Christmas.  Sucky yes, but totally understandable.  Sometimes you just have to let things slide.

Post # 8
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Why don’t you reserve decision making until they know if she’s got previa for sure.  I can say (from some experience) that people can feel absolutely awful in the first couple of months of pregnancy.  It sounds like this may be the case for your cousin.

I’m sorry that it feels like you are getting jerked around a little bit, but she’s probably on a crazy roller coaster right now too…

She may actually feel way more comfortable with things by the time your wedding rolls around, so open communication is going to be key in the next little while.

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