Post # 1
Member
695 posts
Busy bee
So I have 5 amazing bridesmaids and I am very happy with who I picked! I have my two sisters and my 3 closest friends, ages 17-38 and sizes 0-16. Since everyone is different in every way possible I decided to let the girls chose a dress that flattered them, as long as it was in my blush/nude/lace color scheme. We went bridesmaid shopping last night, to see my vision and I loved everything! Just one issue, the oldest bridesmaid wants to wear a long dress and would not try on anything but that. Everyone else is wearing short and then there is her…in a floor length gown for my Sunday Brunch wedding, I don’t like it. I tried to tell her in the nicest way possible but she pretty much ignored me. Does anyone have any ideas on how to handle this?
And before you ask, yes she can wear a shorter dress. I’ve seen her do it a million times, I’ve never seen her in a long one before, not even a maxi. Besides the fact that she will be the only one in a long dress, I dont like that fact that she stands out, but she is not the Maid/Matron of Honor. I tired to give everyone a chance to be comfortable but I want all of the dresses short.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Post # 2
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard
Just kindly tell her NO. You have to be firm. It is YOUR wedding. Don’t beat around the bush or hint. Some people just don’t get it when told that way. Just tell her although it’s a lovely dress she needs to find a shorter one. Or have the one she found cut to knee length.
Post # 3
Member
5081 posts
Bee Keeper
FutureMrsJefferson: At first I was thinking that maybe she’s uncomfortable in a shorter dress, because I hate my legs and I’m very uncomfortable having them on display and wouldn’t want to wear a short dress in front of a whole wedding. But thank you for clarifying that she wears short dresses all the time. As PP said, just tell her no. You were nice enough to let your Bridesmaid or Best Man have some say in their dress choices, so just tell her she needs to pick a shorter one or buzz off.
Post # 4
Member
6377 posts
Bee Keeper
FutureMrsJefferson: I think because you let them pick out their own type of dress she could be more understanding and go with a shorter dress. I don’t think you’re asking too much.
Post # 5
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
Have an honest chat with her, and if it is SUPER important to her then I think you should let her wear the long one. Although it is your wedding, you have so much to look forward to and plan about your day that looking back you’re probably not going to remember that one bridesmaid stood out. However, for your bridesmaid, looking and feeling her best are probably some of her major concerns about the day. Let her pick a dress she is comfortable with, even if you ‘know’ that she can wear shorter dresses, otherwise she might be unhappy and the bad vibes will just ruin everyones day. It doesn’t really have to be a big deal that everyone doesn’t match.
Post # 6
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
I agree, giving the BMs NO limits made this a little more tricky than if you had said “anything in these colors and this length” but having gotten this far-
Have you bought attendents’ gifts yet?
If you bought them all ankle bracelets or special shoe ornaments you could say “OMGoodness, I have to spoil your surprise, but I’ve gotten all the girls these beautiful ____________ and yours won’t be seen if you’re wearing a long dress.”
See if you can get her to go at least tea/cocktail length.
I absolutely think that this is your call.
If the ankle bracelet doesn’t work with your other planning, I’d try “I LOVE THE DRESS YOU’ve chosen, but you will need to have (___”) shortened from it so it will look harmonious with the other girls in the wedding pictures”. If she is still refusing, the coffee and private conversation is definitely in order.
Give her the chance to explain why she’s so insistent. There may be some plausible reason why she wants to wear something long. If it’s just wanting to look like Amyinthetiara (Big BangLOL), I’m afraid you may have to decide whether you want to maintain your friendship or have her in a short dress.
I SO hope you can work this out in a way that will bring you BOTH happiness!
Post # 7
Member
2240 posts
Buzzing bee
Tell her no. You’re the bride and it’s your event. She doesn’t get to wear whatever she wants; you have to like it. If you want her in a short dress, say it and don’t be shy about it. I’m not saying you need to be rude, but this is a situation where you have to make it clear that you want your bridesmaids in short dresses.
Like SithLady said, “…tell her she needs to pick a shorter one or buzz off”.
Post # 8
Member
2836 posts
Sugar bee
FutureMrsJefferson: You should have though about this before you allowed them choose any dress in xx color, etc…. You never mentioned length.
Just because it was MY wedding day- didn’t mean I wanted everyone else to be uncomfortable for my sake. I gave a color- and literally allowed them to pick any dress they wanted. They each chose to OK it with me before purchasing– but I never even asked them to do that.
My view was: even if I am paying for this and that- they ARE paying for thier dress- so they should definitely like it.
Post # 9
Member
695 posts
Busy bee
MrsEME: I definetely don’t want anyone to be uncomfortable! I want everyone to be happy in what they wear, I can deal with the long dress if it is what she wants. I was just wondering if anyone had any ideas on asking her to possibly try a shorter dress. They are paying for the dress and they need to be comfortable. While I agree with you… if I ask if you would try a shorter dress, then just reply with the fact that you feel more comfortable with a long…not ingore me. I don’t think that was cool at all.
Post # 10
Member
2836 posts
Sugar bee
FutureMrsJefferson: Sorry- somehow I missed the part where you asked her about it and she ignored you? I didn’t see that!- no that’s not cool!!