(Closed) BM wants to wear long dress, against my wishes :(

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard

Just kindly tell her NO. You have to be firm. It is YOUR wedding. Don’t beat around the bush or hint. Some people just don’t get it when told that way. Just tell her although it’s a lovely dress she needs to find a shorter one. Or have the one she found cut to knee length.

Post # 3
4949 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

FutureMrsJefferson:  At first I was thinking that maybe she’s uncomfortable in a shorter dress, because I hate my legs and I’m very uncomfortable having them on display and wouldn’t want to wear a short dress in front of a whole wedding. But thank you for clarifying that she wears short dresses all the time. As PP said, just tell her no. You were nice enough to let your Bridesmaid or Best Man have some say in their dress choices, so just tell her she needs to pick a shorter one or buzz off. 

Post # 4
5817 posts
Bee Keeper

FutureMrsJefferson:  I think because you let them pick out their own type of dress she could be more understanding and go with a shorter dress.  I don’t think you’re asking too much.

Post # 5
65 posts
Worker bee

Have an honest chat with her, and if it is SUPER important to her then I think you should let her wear the long one. Although it is your wedding, you have so much to look forward to and plan about your day that looking back you’re probably not going to remember that one bridesmaid stood out. However, for your bridesmaid, looking and feeling her best are probably some of her major concerns about the day. Let her pick a dress she is comfortable with, even if you ‘know’ that she can wear shorter dresses, otherwise she might be unhappy and the bad vibes will just ruin everyones day. It doesn’t really have to be a big deal that everyone doesn’t match.

Post # 6
2317 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree, giving the BMs NO limits made this a little more tricky than if you had said “anything in these colors and this length” but having gotten this far-

Have you bought attendents’ gifts yet? 

If you bought them all ankle bracelets or special shoe ornaments you could say “OMGoodness, I have to spoil your surprise, but I’ve gotten all the girls these beautiful ____________ and yours won’t be seen if you’re wearing a long dress.” 

See if you can get her to go at least tea/cocktail length.

I absolutely think that this is your call. 

If the ankle bracelet doesn’t work with your other planning, I’d try “I LOVE THE DRESS YOU’ve chosen, but you will need to have (___”) shortened from it so it will look harmonious with the other girls in the wedding pictures”. If she is still refusing, the coffee and private conversation is definitely in order. 

Give her the chance to explain why she’s so insistent. There may be some plausible reason why she wants to wear something long. If it’s just wanting to look like Amyinthetiara (Big BangLOL), I’m afraid you may have to decide whether you want to maintain your friendship or have her in a short dress. 

I SO hope you can work this out in a way that will bring you BOTH happiness!

Post # 7
2284 posts
Buzzing bee

Tell her no. You’re the bride and it’s your event. She doesn’t get to wear whatever she wants; you have to like it. If you want her in a short dress, say it and don’t be shy about it. I’m not saying you need to be rude, but this is a situation where you have to make it clear that you want your bridesmaids in short dresses. 

Like SithLady said, “…tell her she needs to pick a shorter one or buzz off”. 

Post # 8
2838 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

FutureMrsJefferson:  You should have though about this before you allowed them choose any dress in xx color, etc….  You never mentioned length.

Just because it was MY wedding day- didn’t mean I wanted everyone else to be uncomfortable for my sake.  I gave a color- and literally allowed them to pick any dress they wanted.  They each chose to OK it with me before purchasing– but I never even asked them to do that.

My view was:  even if I am paying for this and that- they ARE paying for thier dress- so they should definitely like it.

Post # 10
2838 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

FutureMrsJefferson:  Sorry- somehow I missed the part where you asked her about it and she ignored you?  I didn’t see that!- no that’s not cool!!

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