Post # 1
I know it’s pretty common to have some kind of weirdness about BMs and I really would appreciate some honest feedback. I have a Bridesmaid or Best Man (actually, one of my two MOHs) who has just been the worst friend to me since I’ve been engaged (almost a year now) and it’s at the point where I’m just SO over it. I haven’t talked to her in months, she never returns any phone calls, I try to make plans to hang out with her but she always ends up flaking (latest example — earlier in the week we made plans to have dinner tonight. I called her yesterday afternoon to confirm dinner/pick a place, she didn’t pick up her phone so I left her a vm. No response, so I texted her an hour ago…she writes back saying that she didn’t think I could make dinner even though I AGREED TO DINNER so she made other plans. ??) We just don’t talk anymore and from what I hear from my other BMs, she seems somewhat excited about the wedding (picking out her dress, hair and makeup, etc.) but she doesn’t respond to the few wedding-related emails I’ve sent her over the past 10 months and has had absolutely no interest in the wedding when it comes to me.
I understand that not everyone is as excited about my wedding as I am (and believe me, I don’t even talk about the wedding that much!), but it’s not even about the wedding and being a bridesmaid anymore…it’s just about being a friend. I think it’s going to be really awkward with her, and honestly I feel really hurt, sad and a little pissed off by how she’s been treating me. I would prefer to not have her in the wedding party because we just really haven’t talked or hung out in the past 10 months, and I’m really surprised that our friendship turned out like this. I have no idea why, and I promise you it’s not because I’m some kind of demanding bridezilla! I know I should probably talk to her about all of this soon, but do you guys have any suggestions on how I can bring this up, and what to do about the whole issue of keeping her in the wedding party?
Post # 3
I suggest that the next time you see her (and of course making sure it’s an appropriate time/place to do so), tell her that you’ve been getting this vibe from her, and is something going on? That will open the lines of communication, just be sure to stick with “I feel” comments. There may be something going on that you’re not aware of and if there isn’t and she’s feeling jealous or like she’s losing you, she can address it, and you can let her know what your expectations are and what you need from her.
Post # 4
Sorry to hear hun 🙁 Maybe its worth having one serious sit down with her to avoid anything bigger in the future
Post # 5
I’ve had issues with 2 of my bridesmaids, one of whom is now an ex friend. I know sometimes we want to talk about wedding stuff, but really it comes down to having good friends, and I think if you have a big chat with her and things don’t change you might need to reconsider the friendship. It sounds harsh, but I’m so sick of people who are shitty friends, and we all deserve to have awesome friends, not ones that suck.
Post # 6
aaww that sounds like a crappy friend…could she be jealous of your situation? Is she single and trying so hard just to hold on to a man longer than 5 minutes! I know its kind of a sad perspective but believe me it can happen, I have seen jealousy do major harm to good people.
Post # 7
That sounds really awkward, she isn’t being a very good friend or Bridesmaid or Best Man. I would give her the chance to explain herself. A friend and I nearly parted ways during her engagement. I wasn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man (that was half the problem – I was upset about that, among other things) and was generally a cow to her. We are friends again now. But I really wish she’d called me on my behaviour, because it wasn’t healthy at all and could have saved us both a lot of heartache. Of course I wish I didn’t act that way in the first place 🙂 But if she’d asked me why, I probably could have figured it out and it would have been a great chance for me to learn an important lesson. ‘The Conscious Bride’ has some good insights into why relationships (like mother/daughter or with your girlfriends) can go through troubles during an engagement, it might be worth reading as it helped me sort through what had happened with me and my friend. Good luck!
Post # 8
Maybe she has something going on with her (something us brides forget…it’s not all about us), I would check and make sure she’s ok! Plus a year engagement is a long time to be “engaged” in the wedding process. If she is ok and just flaky, ask her if she really wants to do this….maybe the best thing for your friendship is to relieve her from Maid/Matron of Honor duty.
Post # 9
This sounds like jealousy to me, symptoms are there. I agree that a discussion is necessary, or cutting her out.