Post # 1
There is a small debate between my mother and I that I should or shouldn’t have my little, and only, sister as my Maid/Matron of Honor. I love my sister, but I barely speak to her in text, email or via phone but one a month or so and she lives only 40 minutes away. I wish we were closer but our personalities are totally different and so are our lifestyles. I have tried to bring us closer together but she says she not a phone gal and doesn’t want to talk on the phone. I try and do shopping or lunch or something and she always has an excuse. It’s hard when my sister doesn’t want to be around me except at family get together’s at mom’s, and it makes me sad.
About this post topic….I was my sister’s Maid/Matron of Honor but I was not included in any of the wedding planning (as I had hoped I’d be), the day of the wedding she left me with the family to decorate while she and her other BMs/girlfriends went for a girl’s afternoon before the wedding started. I was hurt. On her wedding day she just blocked me out then why was I standing up there with her?!
I can’t decide if I should make my sister my Maid/Matron of Honor, and my mom has hinted she thinks my sister is expecting me to ask her, or should I choose my best friend I know will be happy to do wedding planning stuff with me. Another problem, my sister is currently sporting a half sleeve tattoo on her right arm full of flowers and is currently planning for a Halloween themed one on her other arm. *sigh* I hate tattoos. Although her flowers are pretty, I don’t like ink on the body and I’m not sure I want that taking the attention away from the dresses or our day in our photos. I think it’s so distracting.
Yes she could wear a shawl but you’ll still see it unless she holds it to stay up all the time during the ceremony or photos.
**It is just my personal preference about tattoos. I hope I don’t offend anyone about this topic.**
Post # 3
I think you need to go with your heart and ask who you want to ask, not who your mom thinks it should be. This is your wedding, and it sounds like you want your best friend beside you.
The tatoos are what they are and a part of who your sister is. Whether she is the Maid/Matron of Honor or an attendant you can’t really tell her to cover those up, in my opinion.
Good Luck and Best Wishes!
Post # 4
I agree with Bonnie Bon. Your closest friend should be your Maid/Matron of Honor (outside of the groom of course). That’s not to say you should exclude your sister from the wedding party, but don’t make her the Maid/Matron of Honor if it’s not what *you* want.
Post # 5
I second BonnieBon. Choose who YOU want to stand up there and support you but regardless of who that is, don’t ask or expect them to change who they are to do it.
Post # 6
Can you have two MOHs? That way your sister and mom won’t complain but you can still use your friend as the main contact for Maid/Matron of Honor duties.
Post # 7
I agree with the others as well. Although, your decision should not be based on her tatoo(s). If you feel like your friend would be better at living up to the Maid/Matron of Honor duties and you would enjoy her help then you should ask her. Just because you have a sister does not mean she has to be a part of your wedding party. And I am sure she would understand if you told her how you felt on her wedding day and explain that you don’t want her to feel the same way on your wedding day. Tell her you just want her to enjoy your wedding as a guest so she doesn’t have to do any work.
Post # 8
As a bride who is struggling with "family expectations" on who I choose for my Maid/Matron of Honor, I totally understand how you feel. But, with that being said, have your friend be your Maid/Matron of Honor, you can still have your sister be in the wedding in another area if you want, but your Maid/Matron of Honor is supposed to be the friend who you love most in the world and can’t imagine not having them be a part of your day. Best of luck and hang in there!
Post # 9
I know I shouldn’t ask someone to change for my wedding, it’s not like I’m asking her to have them removed. I just think I have a leg to stand on here since she didn’t want tattoos in her own wedding party photos. I have never told my sister how I felt on her wedding day because my mother asked me to not say anything. My mom knows how my sister will just blow up. Mom also doesn’t want the rift between us to grow even more. I’m just scared to say anything about the tats period because I think my sister will go off the handle. She doesn’t have a short fuse, she has no fuse.
Post # 10
I would ask your sister to be Maid/Matron of Honor. I would ask your friend to be co-MOH, or just a regular bridesmaid if for some reason they can’t share the title. Then I would explain to your friend that for family reasons your sister is getting the title Maid/Matron of Honor, but in actuality you know she won’t really help with planning, whereas you know your friend will. Basically, treat your friend like a Maid/Matron of Honor even if you can’t give her the title or have to ask her to share the title. Would she be cool with this for the sake of family harmony?
At the end of the wedding day, the titles of who is what and so forth don’t matter very much at all. One of my most helpful friends during wedding planning wasn’t even in my bridal party! People either step up to the plate or they don’t; it doesn’t matter what title you give them. Your friend will still be standing up next to you.
As to your sister’s tattoos, I don’t think there’s much you can do about them. Sure it’s distracting, but what other option do you have? Ask her to wear long sleeves to your wedding? From what you said of her I’m sure she won’t go for that. Best chalk it up as one of those things and not worry about it.
Post # 11
@chelseamorning: Thanks 🙂 Yeah, my friend is okay with being a Bridesmaid or Best Man and still helping out more than my sister might if she is the Maid/Matron of Honor. Nope, I won’t ask for long sleeves, I just wonder if I will be okay with it when it comes down to the day. I have some time to mull this over.
Post # 12
This sounds eerily familiar to my situation. And I live in CO! My sister is less than reliable, responsible and normal. She too has a very large tattoo and we don’t really get along or see eachother often.
It may sound strange, but I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor for a few reasons. One of which was politics (not having to choose between my other 3 best friends), as well as making a "this is your last chance" kind of effort. If she comes to my wedding, is there and present and lovely we’ll be able to salvage our relationship completely. If she goes back to drugs (a whole other issue!) and ends of not coming to my wedding because of the "pressure" (she dropped out of my two other cousins’ weddings last minute) then I will have no qualms letting our relationship be primarily civil and not sisterly.
It’s a hard line to toe and I definitely think you need to make the decision for yourself. Right now, I am letting my sister be the main form of communication to my other bms (already a mistake as she has said some fairly mean things in emails about me) and think she is planning a lot, whereas I am giving the majority of responsibilities to my other bms.
Post # 13
I was watching My Fair Wedding on WE and a bride had her tattooed arm professionally spraypainted a nude/skin color by a makeup artist. Can that be an option?
Post # 14
I personally do not like tattoos either, one of my friends has a huge tattoo all over her back and on the backs of her legs. I didnt ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man ony party because of the tattoos but because I had a new job and we had grown apart because we didnt see each other every day.
You mentioned you were your sisters Maid/Matron of Honor – minus the tattoos could you have your friend be your "Maid" of Honor and your sister be your "Matron" of Honor so you can both?
Post # 15
- Wedding: October 2009 - Church Ceremony/Reception at The Waterford House
One of my bridesmaids is having 3 MOHs: Her younger sister who is still in highschool(maiden of honor), her good friend who is married(matron of honor) & another good friend (maid of honor). So I think if you really wanted to, you could give them both the Maid/Matron of Honor title.
Post # 16
It sounds like this isn’t a question over that tats, it’s about your sister and your relationship to you. You don’t have to ask her to be the Maid/Matron of Honor unless YOU want to. You could find a silent role for her, like she did for you.
If it’s about that tats, I think you need to reconsider. If your sister or best friend was not pretty enough, not thin enough, dyed her hair in a color you don’t like, or somehow else wasn’t up to your standards of beauty, would you use that as a reason not to choose her?
What does your sister think of this? I know you said your mom thinks she’s expecting to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, but what happens when the two of you talk? The Maid/Matron of Honor role should be about the relationship and support between you and the woman standing beside you as you marry.