Post # 1
One of my BMs and I have been close friends for a few years, and I love her to pieces. After I asked her to be in my bridal party, she opened up about having borderline personality disorder. Recently, she’s gone through a lot of professional and personal changes, and her behavior became increasingly erratic. She reacts strongly to everything I say, to the point where I can’t talk to her for the fear of setting her off. This past weekend, we were discussing something innocous, and she threw me out of her house when I didn’t agree with her! I really care about her, but I’m worried about her doing something like this at my wedding or my bachelorette party – she’s agreed to host my bach. And I just want to give her some space – she’s never acted like this before, and I’m hoping this is related to work stress. Is there a way I can ask her to back off without setting her off?
Post # 2
Honestly, it’s gonna be very hard to talk to her without setting her off. I would start off by saying that you know she’s been through a lot recently and that you don’t want to be the one to cause more stress. If she isn’t in therapy, suggest that she start DBT. The problem with those who suffer from BPD is that they can’t look past themselves, so I don’t know if she’ll be able to help YOU celebrate. You might have to be selfish…
(And this is coming from a girl who was diagnosed with BPD about a year ago and has gone through intensive therapy to overcome it the slightest amount.)
Post # 3
follytale: thank you for your support. BPD sounds terrible. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through it:/ I tried to talk with her today and she bolted. I’ll take a month or so off from talking to her and see how it goes.
Post # 4
First, recognize that the bad interactions you’re having with your friend are not her fault, they’re the fault of her illness, and your friend is not a bad person herself. That said, please talk to her and tell her that you’ve noticed some changes in her and you’re worried about the amount of stress she’s under. Remind her that you love her, but tell her your concerned and you think it might be helpful if she got some counseling. Ask her if there is anything you can do to make things easier for her, but be firm that if she can’t be around you without becoming out of control you’re going to have to take a break from each other for a time. I would also suggest offering to let one of the other BMs host the party if that’ll ease your mind (I would suggest phrasing it as making her work load easier instead of saying that you’re worried about her behavior).
Post # 5
follytale: Speaking as a person who work everyday with people who have BPD, you really sound like you are on your way to a full recovery, just from how insightful you are in your post
Good for you for doing counseling and DBT….it shows a lot of strength and bravery to do it.
Post # 6
SilverWire: thank you for your advice! I’ve already told her not to worry about planning my bachlorette, but I think I could have told her more gently. I’ll leave her alone for a while (her work stress should die down in a couple months) and see where things are then.