Post # 1
So my youngest sister, who is a Bridesmaid or Best Man, just told my parents and I that she’s 7 weeks pregnant. I didn’t believe it until I saw the blood tests results loud and clear.
So for the wedding she will be 6-7 months pregnant… I have to make the choice whether to pull her out of the wedding or not. She already ordered her dress and it’s not going to fit her. The dress manufacturer does not make anything for pregnant BMS. Mom still wants her in the wedding.. I am just trying to be practical. I highly doubt she’s going to want everyone staring at her and IDK what to do about the dress situation either. It’s just all out of my control. She’ll be the only sibling not in the wedding party but we will still take pictures with her.
I’ve been in shock and am thinking of asking one of my good friends to take her place because she’s been helping me anyways throughout the entire wedding planning process. She would fit in the dress my sister ordered. I know it’s supposed to be about me right now and finding all of this out is just draining.. I cried for about 2 days but reality is setting in now. I know people make mistakes but nothing like this has ever happened in our family-on both sides. Everyone’s really heartbroken and she wants to keep the baby, so we’re just going to support her through all this. I can’t help but feel bad for her and only hope that the father stays in her life. I guess she’s growing up.. the hard way. I just feel sad that she won’t have that fairytale wedding and fall in love with the perfect guy dreaming about what their one day family will be. She’s not even graduated high school (graduating this spring). She’ll have a child and who knows about the father.. they’re 18.. I remember being 18 and who I am not is a completely different person.
I’m also a little embarressed considering FI’s family is well to do, conservative family (like mine) but never in my entire life did I think this would ever happen. I feel ashamed that I even feel embarressed about this but this isn’t exactly how I pictured introducing my family to his family.
I could use any advice right now. Just so down and been crying a lot. I can’t believe this is happening…
Post # 3
I highly doubt she’s going to want everyone staring at her.
Why don’t you ASK her? It’s up to her if she wants to be in your wedding or not. I really don’t see the big deal, why is everyone so against having a pregnant BM? As for the dress, pick out another one that will fit better. Or see if any fabric can be added to the one she already bought.
And your future family, they aren’t going to care. It’s sad that you are so ashamed of your sister.
I know her getting pregnant at 18 isn’t what you wanted for her but it’s her life. Not yours. She needs a loving sister right now, not someone being so disappointed in her. I would be so sad if my sister was acting like you.
Post # 4
that must be hard news to digest. I wouldn’t feel embarassed – it’s her life and her choices. Unplanned pregnancy can strike any family (conservative, liberal, rich, poor, etc.)
I think I’d let her make the choice to stay in the wedding or not. If she got a larger size in the dress, it could be altered to fit her baby bump. I’d speak with a seamstress before counting her out.
It’s not the end of the world. Sure the circumstances may not be ideal but a baby is always a beautiful blessing. Being a teen mother doesn’t mean she won’t meet a wonderful man to marry someday. Her life isn’t over, she’s just got some extra challenges to meet her goals now.
Post # 5
I 2nd asking her. If mom wants her in the wedding, she might be willing to cover the cost of a new dress since that one won’t fit. As for being embarassed in front of your Fiance’s family, that should be the least of your concern. They’re family now, you should all support each other.
Post # 6
Def ask her if she wants to be in the party.
If she still wants to be involved and the dress won’t work for her anymore… maybe she can have an honorable role in the ceremony. My FI’s sister who was 7 months prego at their bro’s wedding put a little lasso around the couple in some sort of lasso and coin ceremony. I don’t get the ceremony or understand it per say… but that’s beside my point. She was in the wedding party, mentioned in the program and was wearing a different dress from the bridesmaids in the same color.
EDIT: assuming this is a family celebration over embarrassment, maybe her role can be one that symbolically brings fertility and fruitfullness to the union. IDK celebrate this vs panic and hide it.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center
just get her another dress. she’s pregnant not terminal
Post # 8
@Birdee106: I told her I still loved her and would support her in keeping the baby. I don’t want her to feel alone but I can’t help how I feel. I kept most of these feelings to myself.
Post # 9
@SunshineLovin: what’s wrong about having a preggy bridesmaid at your wedding? Chances are, I might have two and I am excited for them. Are you afraid she’s going to steal your limelight? Are you afraid that your bridesmaid pictures won’t look good?
She’s your sister for god’s sake. Please don’t do this to her unless she wants to step down on her own.
Post # 10
So basically you want to kick her out of your wedding and hide her away because she’s pregnant? It’s not the 1940’s anymore.
I think you need to take a step back and realize some of the things you’ve just said.
You want to pull your sister out of your wedding because she’s pregnant? You’re embarrassed?
She needs to know that you love and support her no matter what right now. I think kicking her out of the wedding is going to send a very different message. It’s just a dress, she can get another one. In the end what’s more important, all of the dresses matching or involving you sister?
Take a deep breath. Don’t risk ruining your relationship with your sister over having this image of a ‘perfect’ wedding. Would it really be all that perfect if it hurt her in the process?
Post # 11
@SunshineLovin: She’s pregnant. Not smoking crack or killing people. My sister got pregnant at 16 and was an awesome mom. Nothing to be so upset about.
Post # 12
“I know it’s supposed to be about me right now and finding all of this out is just draining.. I cried for about 2 days but reality is setting in now.”
A wedding is one day. You get one day. Maybe two if you count the rehearsal dinner. This is your sister’s LIFE — if you’ve cried for two days, how long do you think she’s cried? She’s assumedly known about this for 2-3 weeks on her own before telling you. Whether or not she’ll fit into the bridesmaid dress is the least of her concerns right now, I’m sure.
I think you need to be supportive of her at this point, sit down with her, and find out how she’d like to proceed with the wedding planning.
Post # 13
I would ask her what SHE wants to do, if she isn’t up to it then that is her choice. You can always find a maternity Bridesmaid or Best Man dress that matches the other BMs, and if you want to add your friend then she can take your sister’s BM’s dress so it doesn’t go to waste. I think not having her in because she is pregnant and you think people will be staring at her is crazy, you are the bride, they will be staring at you.
Also I hope to the powers above that you DID NOT say “I just feel sad that she won’t have that fairytale wedding and fall in love with the perfect guy dreaming about what their one day family will be.” to your sister. Who are you to say that she won’t have a fairytale wedding and fall in love with the perfect guy and have a wonderful family? Just because she is doing it out of “order” (in some people’s opinion) doesn’t mean she won’t or isn’t allowed to have everything you mentioned above. Many bees have had a child before marriage and they are on here showing GORGEOUS pictures of their fairytale weddings and talking about their perfect guy. Just please don’t say that to your sister, it’s a horrible thing to say in my opinion.
Post # 15
She also has borderline personality disorder, anxiety disorder, and depression. Everyone already walks on eggshells as to not trigger an episode. I keep thinking that maybe this will force her to grow up and be accountable for her actions. I spoke to my Grandma for an hour and she helped me feel better but she told me to be reasonable.. she’s going to need everyones help.
Bees-you’re right.. I’ll ask her. My whole judgement feels clouded by all of the emotions. I dont even feel myself.
I keep saying, it could be worse and it’s not cancer but I’m still sad.
Post # 16
@Sunshinelovin I get that you are a bit sad, I was too when I found out my brother’s gf (now wife) was pregnant and let me tell you what I LOVE THAT BABY MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF. Everyone thought it would be the end of the world and we all fawn over him and he truly is the light in everyone’s eyes. So just remember no matter how bad it seems now #1 it could ALWAYS be worse and #2 You WILL be a kick ass aunt and love that baby like there is no tomorrow.