(Closed) BM/18 yr old sister pregnant…

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I highly doubt she’s going to want everyone staring at her.


Why don’t you ASK her? It’s up to her if she wants to be in your wedding or not. I really don’t see the big deal, why is everyone so against having a pregnant BM? As for the dress, pick out another one that will fit better. Or see if any fabric can be added to the one she already bought. 

And your future family, they aren’t going to care. It’s sad that you are so ashamed of your sister.

I know her getting pregnant at 18 isn’t what you wanted for her but it’s her life. Not yours. She needs a loving sister right now, not someone being so disappointed in her. I would be so sad if my sister was acting like you.

Post # 4
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

that must be hard news to digest. I wouldn’t feel embarassed – it’s her life and her choices.  Unplanned pregnancy can strike any family (conservative, liberal, rich, poor, etc.)  

I think I’d let her make the choice to stay in the wedding or not.  If she got a larger size in the dress, it could be altered to fit her baby bump.  I’d speak with a seamstress before counting her out. 

It’s not the end of the world. Sure the circumstances may not be ideal but a baby is always a beautiful blessing.  Being a teen mother doesn’t mean she won’t meet a wonderful man to marry someday. Her life isn’t over, she’s just got some extra challenges to meet her goals now.

Post # 5
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I 2nd asking her.  If mom wants her in the wedding, she might be willing to cover the cost of a new dress since that one won’t fit.  As for being embarassed in front of your Fiance’s family, that should be the least of your concern.  They’re family now, you should all support each other.

Post # 6
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Def ask her if she wants to be in the party. 

If she still wants to be involved and the dress won’t work for her anymore… maybe she can have an honorable role in the ceremony.   My FI’s sister who was 7 months prego at their bro’s wedding put a little lasso around the couple in some sort of lasso and coin ceremony.  I don’t get the ceremony or understand it per say… but that’s beside my point.   She was in the wedding party, mentioned in the program and was wearing a different dress from the bridesmaids in the same color.

 

EDIT:  assuming this is a family celebration over embarrassment, maybe her role can be one that symbolically brings fertility and fruitfullness to the union.  IDK celebrate this vs panic and hide it.

Post # 7
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

just get her another dress. she’s pregnant not terminal

Post # 9
Member
652 posts
Busy bee

@SunshineLovin:  what’s wrong about having a preggy bridesmaid at your wedding? Chances are, I might have two and I am excited for them. Are you afraid she’s going to steal your limelight? Are you afraid that your bridesmaid pictures won’t look good?

She’s your sister for god’s sake. Please don’t do this to her unless she wants to step down on her own.

Post # 10
Member
991 posts
Busy bee

So basically you want to kick her out of your wedding and hide her away because she’s pregnant?  It’s not the 1940’s anymore.  

I think you need to take a step back and realize some of the things you’ve just said.

You want to pull your sister out of your wedding because she’s pregnant?  You’re embarrassed? 

She needs to know that you love and support her no matter what right now.  I think kicking her out of the wedding is going to send a very different message.  It’s just a dress, she can get another one.  In the end what’s more important, all of the dresses matching or involving you sister?

Take a deep breath.  Don’t risk ruining your relationship with your sister over having this image of a ‘perfect’ wedding.  Would it really be all that perfect if it hurt her in the process?

 

Post # 11
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@SunshineLovin:  She’s pregnant. Not smoking crack or killing people. My sister got pregnant at 16 and was an awesome mom. Nothing to be so upset about.

Post # 12
Member
3688 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

“I know it’s supposed to be about me right now and finding all of this out is just draining.. I cried for about 2 days but reality is setting in now.”

A wedding is one day. You get one day. Maybe two if you count the rehearsal dinner. This is your sister’s LIFE — if you’ve cried for two days, how long do you think she’s cried? She’s assumedly known about this for 2-3 weeks on her own before telling you. Whether or not she’ll fit into the bridesmaid dress is the least of her concerns right now, I’m sure.

I think you need to be supportive of her at this point, sit down with her, and find out how she’d like to proceed with the wedding planning.

 

Post # 13
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

I would ask her what SHE wants to do, if she isn’t up to it then that is her choice. You can always find a maternity Bridesmaid or Best Man dress that matches the other BMs, and if you want to add your friend then she can take your sister’s BM’s dress so it doesn’t go to waste. I think not having her in because she is pregnant and you think people will be staring at her is crazy, you are the bride, they will be staring at you.

Also I hope to the powers above that you DID NOT say “I just feel sad that she won’t have that fairytale wedding and fall in love with the perfect guy dreaming about what their one day family will be.” to your sister. Who are you to say that she won’t have a fairytale wedding and fall in love with the perfect guy and have a wonderful family? Just because she is doing it out of “order” (in some people’s opinion) doesn’t mean she won’t or isn’t allowed to have everything you mentioned above. Many bees have had a child before marriage and they are on here showing GORGEOUS pictures of their fairytale weddings and talking about their perfect guy. Just please don’t say that to your sister, it’s a horrible thing to say in my opinion.

Post # 16
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

@Sunshinelovin I get that you are a bit sad, I was too when I found out my brother’s gf (now wife) was pregnant and let me tell you what I LOVE THAT BABY MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF. Everyone thought it would be the end of the world and we all fawn over him and he truly is the light in everyone’s eyes. So just remember no matter how bad it seems now #1 it could ALWAYS be worse and #2 You WILL be a kick ass aunt and love that baby like there is no tomorrow.

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