(Closed) bmaid just got engaged…has set date 3 weeks before mine.

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1106 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think its perfeclty normal to feel that way. You got engaged first and obviously you’ve been thinking of your wedding and this feels like she is stealing your thunder. I think its okay to feel like that for a while but soon enough you’ll realize that your wedding is still a year away and you really can’t blame someone for getting engaged now and picking a date before yours. Also now it can be really fun for the two of you to help eachother wedding plan!

Post # 4
3578 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

That’s about a year long engagement, which is pretty standard. No reason to be upset. You can’t expect her to put her life on hold because she’s a Bridesmaid or Best Man in your wedding.

Just remember that her engagement/wedding has nothing to do with yours!

Post # 5
1533 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I don’t know… I would definately be bothered! It’s like she’s trying to steal your thunder or something: that happened to my Mother-In-Law and a friend of mine that got married in september. NOT CLASSY AT ALL!

Post # 7
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Is it possible that some of your emtion is from worry that she may bow put of your wedding,now with so much for her to do regarding her own wedding?

Post # 9
2404 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I have a friend who set their date for the week before our wedding! they way i look at it is I can see what didnt work for her wedding and tweek things so they dont happen at mine! Im helping her plan hers too! I think it exciting to get to share such a huge time with eachother!

Post # 10
5191 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Friends of ours got engaged after us and married 2 weeks before us. Honestly, it was great to compare notes and stuff. She totally understood when my stress level was getting the best of me.

Post # 11
1395 posts
Bumble bee

You are not a horrible person for feeling this way!  Your feelings are natural.  I’d be feeling the same.  It’s gonna be really tough squeezing two weddings in that close together with a large circle of mutual friends.  That means two showers, within weeks of each other, and two weddings within two weeks of each other.  Therefore, people having to spend money on DOUBLE the stuff.  If I knew someone close to me was getting married and when, I’d purposely make sure my wedding was at least a couple of months after theirs.  It’s different when weddings occur close but don’t involve too many of the same friends or relatives.  When you’ve gotta share a portion of your guest lists, someone’s gonna end up getting cheated.

I’d just do what everyone else has said and use her wedding as a guide for your own.  There have been a lot of weddings recently and even though they’ve all been far away from my own. I’ve used their weddings to my advantage.  I’ve taken mental notes on how make my wedding more of a success, based on what I’ve experienced at these other weddings.

Post # 12
4107 posts
Honey bee

i dont think you are abnormal for feeling this way at all.  of course you know how you are “supposed” to feel, which is the advice you will get. but at the same time you can’t help it.  The best way to move past it is to completely focus your energy on your wedding and just try not to think about hers so much!

Post # 13
3330 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It’s totally not abnormal. There will be good days when you’re planning together, and then there will be days where you totally get irritated at her. My best advice (I’ve been there :)), is to just try to keep yourself grounded and don’t always hold yourself to a perfect standard where you feel like you have to pretend you’re not bothered by things. Use weddingbee and your family to vent as needed :). But, all in all, it’s pretty awesome to have a wedding buddy!

Post # 14
1098 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mrsWtobe: I can see a way of this working out. By the time of her wedding, all of your major events like tastings and dress purchases will be completed. Make sure your bridal shower is not near hers. Make yours like late September and make sure the bridal party knows the date early.

Can you talk to her about it? Just tell her you do not want her to be extra stressed. In the midst of her buying wedding stuff, she still has to plan your shower(s), Bach party, buy her dress, shoes, jewelry, and help assembly invites et al. Ask her if she will be up to is?

Since you are getting married in November, tell the bridal party all dresses need to be purchased by August 1st. That gives it time to come in and for alterations. The Bridesmaid or Best Man getting married will know the date and can factor it into her budget.

Good luck dear!

Post # 15
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1999

I experienced something similar.  Although she wasn’t my Bridesmaid or Best Man, one of my friends got engaged after us and got married 3 weeks before us.  I was very happy for them, but was bothered by the fact that she “stole” some of my ideas for table numbers and programs. I decided to let the negative feelings subside and think of it as a compliment because she liked my ideas so much!  Good luck!

Post # 16
41 posts
  • Wedding: October 2011


Yes! What you said !!

I was the maid of honor in my best friends wedding and got married 3 weeks after she did. When my husband and I were trying to set our a date for our wedding, her date was the farthest thing from my mind. We were too busy seeing what would work for both of us and our close close families. The date fell 3 weeks before hers. Let me tell you: I was a darn good Maid/Matron of Honor because I could totally relate to EVERYTHING she was going through. PLUS: We had a kick butt bachelorette party together. It was fun talking on the phone commiserating with each other. 

Again, setting our date had absolutely nothing to do with trying to steal anyones thunder- it’s all about what works for the couple and their families in the crazy world of wedding planning. Just think: She’ll be a better bridesmaids for it- TRUST ME! 🙂 

Also- we had totally different weddings- mines was a destination and hers was in her home town. 

Ohh- and the comment about NOT CLASSY AT ALL- that is so not fair to say.

Another reason why we picked our wedding date was because my mother is ill and I wanted to be %100 sure she would be present for my wedding so we did it in 6 months after the engagement and again, it just so happen to be 3 weeks from my best friends.


GOOD LUCK and have a blast planning TOGETHER !! 🙂 



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