(Closed) bmaid just got engaged…has set date 3 weeks before mine.

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee

I was in a similar situation my Fiance and I got engaged on a sat in april.  One of my best friend got engaged 3 days after me just outta the blue, when her now Fiance had the ring since Nov( he waited over 5 months?) … Believe me I was pissed.  Not to mention we have same bridesmaids and shes getting married in July and asked if i could care if she booked the same country club I already booked and started paying for!… Its totally normal to feel that way.  Hopefully you guys can get past it and enjoy sharing the wedding planning…. we havent overcame that hurddle yet..

Post # 18
Member
6290 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’ve been engaged 6 months and we’re not marrying until 2014, so there is every chance friends might marry before us. One of my friends has been travelling for 15 months, and got involved with a guy while she was away; she’s been with him about 10 months, and I suspect they might be considering engagement (visa/residency issues). Now I KNOW it’s utterly ridiculous for this to bother me, but it does. I think mainly because of two reasons: first, I’ve been with my OH for nearly 6 years, so I would feel a bit put out by my friend marrying before us when they’ve not been together very long. Second, there’s a close group of 4 of us, and everyone can’t wait to be bridesmaid as it’ll be the first wedding in our group; I’ve always kind of thought that I’d be the first to marry as we’ve been together so long, as have my friends, and I do kind of want them to be BMs at mine first, rather than it just be ’round two’ so to speak.

So I can totally relate to how you feel. I KNOW I’m being ridiculous and a complete bridezilla, and I know it’s crazy, esp as ours is so long away! I KNOW our wedding isn’t the centre of everyone’s lives, and I’m so laid-back about everything else that it’s unreal. But I just can’t help feeling a bit put out when I think about someone ‘stealing our thunder’.

Unfortunately, there’s not really much you can do, apart from grin and bear it. Maybe speak to her if you’re concerned about how involved she’ll be, and ask if she’s still cool with being Bridesmaid or Best Man and will still be able to attend dress fittings etc what with planning hers. But my biggest advice would be to try to see the positives: look at it as having someone to share you excitement with, someone who really understands all the emotions and stresses involved in planning a wedding, who you can share ideas with, etc, and just make it something fun ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 19
Member
1557 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@mrsWtobe: Something to consider is that your wedding is a year away, and you are having a late fall wedding. Most people (though not all) prefer spring, summer, and fall weddings…. so if she wanted a fall wedding, what were her options? Wait a whole extra year just to keep from stepping on toes? 

When we set our wedding date, we had 2 other weddings we were planning around, as well as graduations. We weren’t worried about whether or not our weddings were before anyone elses, we were simply worried about finding a wedding that was a) not on the same weekend as the other weddings and b) right for us. Our wedding ended up being the last of the 3 b/c it was best for us, but if having it first had been best, we would have done it. 

Be happy for your friend, have fun planning together, and remember that it gives you a chance to experiance an extra wedding before you have yours. Your day will be no less special b/c hers was first. 

Post # 20
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree with PP that it is natural to feel that way.  We are having an 18 month engagement.  In that time one of my BMs got engaged and married!  She was in a definite hurry.  I just am enjoying myself and not stressing out over planning.  I kinda laugh to myself when she says “Oh, I’ve been there!”  But like PP said I learned A LOT from her wedding first hand that I will make sure to avoid at mine. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 21
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Totally know how you feel hun. I’ve been engaged for 5 months and been with my fiancé for 3 ½ years. Last weekend my fiance’s best man got engaged to his gf (they had only been together about 6months.. not that that matters but still annoying to me) and they were thinking of having their wedding a week before ours which REALLY annoyed me, but now they have changed it to 4 months before ours.. which still annoys me! It feels like they are trying to get one up on us and beat us to it (even though I know theyre not doing it intentionally) and it also feels like they are taking away our special moment as silly as that sounds. I know that everyone is entitled to their own day but I still feel like it’s a bit inconsiderate of them to just go and get married before us like that. I don’t know how to stop feeling like this either L I really hope this feeling goes away and we can just be happy for them and not worry. Keep your chin up hun, you will still get your special day and everything will work out

Post # 22
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

a friend and i actually got engaged the same weekend, and now our dates are 1 week apart next fall! i was a little bummed at first but it’s true, if you both want the same season there’s not that much choice, and neither of you should have to give up your dream. it doesn’t bother me anymore – though we have the same close group of friends, we don’t have any common BMs (and are not in each other’s weddings) and now it’s just a lot of fun to compare plans and progress and commiserate. it’s nice going through it at the same time as a friend. i also know that her wedding will be much different than mine, and i think we’re both excited to see what the other does.

so – look at it as a built-in support system! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 23
Member
1479 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m guessing that you asked your friend to be your bridesmaid because she’s one of your closest friends.  It is not nice, “good friend” behavior to feel resentful of your friend because she picked a date that is this close to yours.  It’s easy to get a little crazy when you’re planning your wedding, but once the day is done, life moves on.  Time to start remembering what’s important.  Your friend is neither taking the shine away from your day, nor did she pick her wedding date to make you mad or spite you. 

Look, like I said, it’s easy to default to crazy person mode without even realizing that you’re doing it. 

Oh, and btw, your friends don’t care that her wedding is three weeks beforehand.  They’re probably stoked that they have two awesome parties to go to.  Haven’t you ever had to go to more than one wedding in the span of a month?  It happens to me almost every August.  I love it.  Yay for free champagne!  Time to switch gears and be happy that you have a friend you can talk to about weddings until you’re both blue in the face.

Post # 24
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee

This sounds so familiar to me.  I currently have 3 friends getting married within an 8 week time period.  The first one to get engaged is ticked off, and the other 2 gals had only a few weekends to choose from because of family/work/school schedules.  They really couldn’t see putting their life on hold because of another wedding.  I can understand how it would be annoying, but I highly doubt that they are doing it to show you up or steal your thunder.  All in all, you now have someone to bounce ideas off of and to talk too, since you are going through it together.

Good luck!

Post # 26
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

So glad you’re seeing the positive side now.

I’m a little envious you have a friend with whom you can talk wedding planning without having to worry about boring them to tears.

Post # 26
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

So glad you’re seeing the positive side now.

I’m a little envious you have a friend with whom you can talk wedding planning without having to worry about boring them to tears.

Post # 27
Member
4641 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

i wish i had someone to plan with too!

congrats to you both. are you a Bridesmaid or Best Man in hers too?

Post # 28
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@mrsWtobe: Well…maybe think of it this way, if it makes you feel better. If she’s getting married Thanksgiving weekend (if your posted wedding date is accurate), people might not be in town due to family plans. She really may have fewer people available to attend. Some of that thunder might not be stolen after all.

And at least it’s not in the same month ๐Ÿ™‚

The topic ‘bmaid just got engaged…has set date 3 weeks before mine.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors